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Having watched Panodrama (with a D) that exposes panorama and the BBC for exactly what they are. I am disgusted that a) John Sweeney is still employed and b) The BBC are allowed to pollute the airwaves with their lies and propaganda.
Definitely in the top 5 worst films that i've ever seen...
This film is so bad, i don't know where to start! It's just scene after scene of pointless dialogue. I've just finished watching the film and I couldn't tell you what it's about! This film should be offered by doctors on prescription for people that have trouble sleeping. Just pop this baby into your DVD player and you'll be in nod nod land in no time. If this film is worthy of an award then it should be for curing sleep deprivation. This film proves that even with an amazing cast of talented actors, acting their behinds off, you need some sort of semblance of a plot. Whoever wrote this, clearly just recorded a few conversations over the garden fence that his drunk neighbour was having in his garden and thought 'Yep, that'll do' When my baby son is older, I will use this film as a punishment for when he's naughty. I won't be grounding him or taking away pocket money, I will make him sit and watch Fences. I can guarantee after being punished once by me with this, he will never be naughty again.
Iron Fist (2017)
OK but not great
The problem that I had with this series is that the main character wasn't believable or particularly likable. I don't care what his ethnicity is, but I firmly believe that if you're going to cast someone as a kung-fu master, he should be able to do kung-fu! The fight scenes in this were shockingly bad.
Also the character of Colleen was badly cast. Again, this character is supposed to be a sensei but she's not very good at Kung-fu!! I think the basic principle when casting someone in a martial arts show is that they can perform martial arts!
The good. Madame Gao. Brilliant! I can't fault her, she stole every scene that she was in and I actually found myself rooting for her to win, that's how bad the Iron Fist character was. Also, the Meachems - they were all great.
In all honesty, I'd love it if they just recast Danny Rand for the Defenders series and replace him with someone that knows martial arts, as he'll clearly just drag the series down (but that probably won't happen)
It's definitely the weakest Marvel series so far. The writing wasn't amazing but I believe with better casting it could have been so much better.
I like the taken films and I like Clive Standen - this was enough for me to watch this series. The pilot was OK, not brilliant but it showed promise - then episode 2 happened...it was rubbish. In all honesty i fell asleep 3 quarters of the way through, waiting for it to get good. According to my wife,who stayed awake (barely) it didn't. She then self tortured herself by watching episode 3 which i hear was just as rubbish. Needless to say we're done with it already! Stick with vikings Clive, you're better than this.
An epic fail of biblical proportions...
Quite possibly the worst (half of a) film that i've ever seen! I couldn't watch it all due to the fact that it's sooooo boring! This film is a bitter disappointment......actually 'bitter disappointment is an under statement! What was Russell Crowe thinking?! I'm not religious so the CGI rock monsters and other things not in the bible didn't bother me much, in fact they were probably the highlight of this terrible movie. The fact is, nothing happens and it happens slowly with no explanation. If this was supposed to be 'intense and arty' then it failed miserably. Mere words cannot describe my utter contempt for this movie. It's pointless and sooooooo boring!
The Iceman (2012)
Very loosely based on a true story
I was shocked to find that nearly everything in this movie was inaccurate. With 3 documentaries available on the real Richard Kuklinski where he tells in great detail what actually happened and countless books on him - how did they manage to get everything wrong?! This movie is poor on every level except for maybe a scene where Michael Shannon actually copies part of Kuklinski's interview word for word. The rest is tripe and I look forward to the time another film maker takes the facts and recreates them faithfully from Kuklinski's childhood right up to his death. This film could have been great but it was abysmal.
The Pledge (2001)
I want my money back....
......I watched it on TV and this film made me want to gouge out my own eyeballs with a teaspoon. What the hell? I can only imagine Sean Penn had taken vast amounts of crack before directing this snoozefest. Jack Nicholson must have been offered a ridiculous amount of cash to even entertain starring in this heap of dog excrement. I hate it with every fibre of my being, I wish to burn out my retinas to erase having seen it from my very being. I don't like this film....it's like torture. Not exciting nudey sexual torture....its like being waterboarded for an hour and a half. I despise this film more than Stalin or pol pot. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Conan the Barbarian (2011)
So bad it hurts!
I haven't seen the original so I had no expectations when I watched this movie. The movie stinks, it stinks worse than an indoor fish market, if all of the proprietors were gunned down and the fish in said market were left out for a week with the heating on. No words can describe exactly how eye gougingly naff this movie really is! There is nothing redeemable about it at all, NOTHING! When I've finished writing this review, I'm going to look up the director, so I know who's movies to avoid in future. He has done what Joel Shumacher did with 'Batman and Robin', except exceeded it....this is worse! It's sooooo bad, i'm not sure that i'll ever get over the anger I feel having sat through it all! There's no story, very little dialogue, pathetic action scenes, not one likable character...I could go on! This film is pointless and should be used only as a torture device to show to people that you hate. I'm not sure it's possible to post a spoiler about this film as i've literally only just finished watching it and I remember nothing about it, it's that memorable. To spoil a movie, it needs a plot to spoil!
Hansel & Gretel (2013)
Not as bad as other reviews make it out to be.....
........but it's not great either! This film is watchable for what it is, but Hansel & Gretal had so many opportunities to kill the witch and her two sons and didn't take them that I was literally rolling my eyes at the screen.
Also it should be noted that Hansel and Gretal didn't seem to give a toss when they saw their Dad lying on the ground with a pitchfork protruding from his abdomen and even ran away whilst the witch was stabbing him to death. They didn't try to help or even acknowledge to each other what had just happened.....that alone makes the film irritating. It's irritating but watchable.
As a massive fan of the late Steve Irwin, I was eager to watch the last series that he completed before his untimely death, so I ordered the DVD from Australia and was not disappointed.
Steve Irwin was a great presenter and his enthusiasm and likability on this show is up there with the rest of his documentaries. This show was fantastic and I have no doubt that were he still alive, it would have gone on for many more series.
The premise is simple, Steve travels the world to check out all the latest innovative veterinary surgeons perform delicate operations from an eye operation on a fish, to a tumour on a snake. If you're a fan of Steve Irwin, you won't be disappointed.
The Inbetweeners (2012)
This is good. It's not brilliant like the UK version but it is pretty funny. Will and Simon are quite well cast but Jay and Neil are nothing special but maybe they'll get better as the series progresses.
After watching the pilot, it pretty much closely follows the UK script but is not as good as the original. This isn't necessarily a bad thing as The US Office pilot was a copy of the UK version but not as good. After they went in their own direction with the scripts and stopped copying the UK version, it fell into place and was great for many seasons(until they killed it to death and beat the corpse with a iron baseball bat)
This version is watchable and has it's moments, I like it (but I don't love it enough to flick it's clunge!)
What the hell did i just watch?!
This 'movie' (and i use the term loosely) is a perfect example of all that is wrong with the world! Where do I even start? Firstly, this is a biopic about one of the greatest musicians that ever lived yet it features absolutely none of his music whatsoever. Secondly, the guy playing Michael Jackson didn't look like Michael Jackson.....he looked even less like him after the plastic surgery scene where they smothered his face in talcum powder making him look like.....well, a black man smothered in talcum powder. Towards the end, he looked more like the Joker than Michael Jackson - I was half expecting him, to say 'Why so seriousss'!
His voice was sot on in some places,but mostly too deep. Michael Jackson was basically portrayed as a simpleton that constantly acts like a toddler. It was bad (and not bad as in 'good' like the album bad.....bad as in What?? Grrrrr) Elizabeth Taylor was portrayed so badly in this, I had to cringe and watch through my fingers. From the over the top acting to the little round sticker they put on her face to look like a beauty spot. (It didn't, it looked like a little round sticker....because it was) Debbie rowe was way too pretty to be debbie rowe. The only people that were any good in this were the actors playing Michaels parents (but they were hardly in it) and the girl playing Lisa Marie Presley (again, not in it much)and the bloke that played Martin Bashir. Jordan Chandler and Gavin Arvizo both bizarrely had different names in this for no apparent reason (though I'm guessing legal reasons). I don't know if Michael Jackson had the displeasure of viewing this before he died, but I can only assume that if he did, he had his mouth wide open in utter disbelief throughout the entire excruciating 86 minutes.
I just watched the pilot and laughed throughout the show. Very rarely do I find a pilot episode to be engaging and hilarious as its usually setting up the plot for the series and introducing characters but this is fantastic, it grabs you by the balls right from the first sentence uttered and doesn't let go until the closing credits! I'm English, so thought it was nice to see Blake from the inbetweeners in it (a must see show, similar to freaks & geeks) and David Cross is on top form as he was in Arrested Development. It does appear to be more British humour, than American which is strange for a US show, but you can't help but laugh at the predicaments the titular character gets into, no matter where you're from. Also Will Arnett's cameo is hilarious. I recommend this!
An Idiot Abroad (2010)
This is what a travel show should be. It's not sugar coated and it's not like any show thats come before. It's a regular bloke, sent abroad, speaking his mind. Is Karl Pilkington an idiot? Is he a genius? It's very hard to tell, but I can tell you one thing and that is, i could watch the bloke on TV all day long and not get bored. One reviewer was complaining that the show was crap (before it aired i might add) because Gervais and Merchant were not in the show as it appeared that they were in the poster campaign.... I couldn't disagree with the reviewer more; Karl Pilkington is what makes 'the Ricky Gervais' podcasts funny and Karl Pilkington is what makes this show funny.
Gervais and Merchant are fantastic writers and the Office and Extra's are amazing but at the same time, they know that Pilkington was the main drawer for their podcast and they very wisely came up with this little gem and for that, i applaud them.
A Closed Book (2009)
Not as bad as some reviews make out
I have just finished watching the film and as I have never read the book, I viewed it with no expectations. If you're after action a fast paced movie then this probably isn't for you as the drama unfolds at a slow to medium pace. Tom Conti and Daryl Hannah do a pretty good job in the role and are the glue that hold the film together. I won't go into what the film is about as that would render it pointless to watch but I will add that this is the not the kind of movie that you can watch over and over again but will find satisfying for the one viewing if you like suspense mysteries.
In conclusion, it's not the best film i've seen, but I did enjoy it so I gave it a 7.
A steaming turd of unparalled proportions
I once wrote that 'Batman& Robin' was the worst movie ever made, boy was I wrong! Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li is worse, so much so that my eyes actually started to bleed whilst watching it. The film bears little to no resemblance to the story or characters of the video game for which it was based, instead it plods away at a suicidally slow pace whilst throwing in every cliché and corny line that it can muster. I can't say that i've heard of Chris Klein but i can tell you this....... Chris Klein desperately needs acting lessons - had they hired a tone deaf mute with one leg and no fingers, i'm pretty sure he would have done a better job in the role, this man made me want to actually pour acid into my eyes rather than watch him for one more second. For the first hour of the film, nothing happens then when the last forty minutes of eyeball torture comes around......nothing happens. Basically the film is a big bundle of nothingness, wrapped in a tea cosy of nothingness......shrink wrapped in nothingness for good measure. Save yourself one hour and forty minutes of your life by avoiding it like you would a vat of aids or a politician.
What the hell did i just watch?!
This film is so mind numbingly awful that it beggars belief. It starts promisingly, falters in the middle and the less said about the end, the better. The premise of the film is excellent but badly executed, with plot holes so massive, you could build your own island on them. Nothing is explained or makes much sense and the whole film seems like one big awful mess. I'm struggling to understand why Nicholas Cage would even entertain starring in this ridiculous turkey of a movie, it's not like he needs the money. In short, this movie made me want to gouge out my own eyeballs with a straightened out paperclip. I think the official term for movies like this is 'crapfest'.
Mind numbingly slow
Maybe its because i've been watching a lot of American shows such as Heroes, 24, prison break and dexter which are fast paced and action packed, that i found this show to be extremely slow and dull. Don't get me wrong, I love our telly in the uk but this show just took forever to get started and even when it did, it crawled along at the same pace as a geriatric snail with bad cramp. None of the characters were interesting or particularly likable, the storyline was very weak, the dialogue dreadful and the cinematography dreary. I love sci-fi, particularly involving time travel but this show not so much. After watching the first episode of this, i won't waste my time watching any more. It certainly ain't life on mars!
Far superior to the other Leprechaun films
This sequel is so much better than the others, for starters its much darker and the Leprechaun's costume is also much better in this movie. Gone are the stripy socks and bright red pants, instead we have a more 19th century dark, creepy looking Leprechaun. The humour is still there in this film, except that its not cringeworthy like it was in earlier outings and is actually funny. There are very few hokey special effects and the storyline is played out well. They have also brought back the four leaf clover to kill a leprechaun mythology from the first film. Will it win an Oscar? No, but it sure makes up for the last few sequels which completely ignored the fact its supposed to be in the horror genre and instead tried to be too much of a comedy. All the Leprechaun films are fun in their own way, but this one is far less hokey - there's hope for the series yet!
Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)
There's outrageous, weird, downright weird and then Leprechaun 4
I'm not quite sure what i just watched! In the first three films we had a killer Leprechaun dishing out justice to anyone who dared to try to steal his gold. They weren't perfect films but they had a bit of continuity and even offered some sort of explanation as to how the Leprechaun came back from the dead. This offering however explains nothing. Basically the Leprechaun is pottering around in space trying to become king by marrying an alien queen. As far as plot, thats about it. Also the Leprechaun gets blown up twice and regenerates, so when he's blown up at the end of the film, it hardly resolves anything seeings as we now know he'll just regenerate. The movie is as hokey as you can get. Its basically a porn movie with no sex in it (in that the acting is on par, aside from Warwick Davis and Guy Siner who can actually act) The woman who plays the princess is possibly the worst actress i have ever seen (and that includes porn) and should not be allowed in front of a camera again on pain of death. I know the Leprechaun films aren't exactly contenders for Oscar nomination but come on! In space?! Seriously?! Warwick, next time read the script before you say yes, you're better than that!
Pretty good if you don't compare it to the original
As far as pilot episodes go, this wasn't bad and seeing as the pilot is usually the worst episode, i imagine that this can only get better. If you watch it as a standalone series and don't compare it to the original then its pretty good. Richie and Shrapnel don't try to copy Cole and Waterman and the characters aren't supposed to be Arthur and Terry which is a plus as no-one could do justice to those characters apart from George Cole and Dennis Waterman. The show is fast paced, mildly amusing and well filmed. Some of the supporting cast's acting leaves a lot to be desired (whoever played the Gold brothers were absolutely awful) but they're only in the pilot (i hope)but Richie and Shrapnel put in a decent enough performance. All in all, its pretty good, just don't compare it to the original.
Troll 2 (1990)
A cinematic masterpiece
What can i say abut this cinematic masterpiece that hasn't been said before? The film is about a town of vegetarian Goblins who hate meat. So what threat are they to humans then? I hear you cry! Why, they turn you into a vegetable before they devour you.....obviously (dont you feel stupid for asking now?) I'd also like to clarify that Troll 2 has nothing whatsoever to do with 'Troll 1' or indeed a troll or collective trolls. It features some of the most memorable scenes ever to be shot on celluloid and that my friends is a fact! How clever they are to call the town that the family are moving to 'Nilbog' and then show a shot of a sign for the town in the cars side mirror, clearly showing the word 'Goblin' This film deserves an Oscar! Also many people are saying that this is the worst film ever made! What utter rubbish, i'd sit through this film a hundred times rather than watch 'Batman & Robin' again for even five minutes. So there! (its clearly the second worst film ever made!)
Deja Vu (2006)
One of the finest time travel movies ever made
I like my dose of time travel movies and this is up there with Back to the future, somewhere in time and time after time. The story grabs you right from the explosive beginning and keeps hold of you right to the excellent finale. The story is superb as are the visual elements. The characters are outstanding. The acting is perfect, not over the top and very believable. Denzel Washington once again proves what a versatile actor he really is along with excellent supporting roles from Val Kilmer, Jim Caveziel, Adam Goldberg etc. If you like time travel flicks, or if you even just like thrillers then you wont get much better than this.
Batman & Robin (1997)
This film is pure evil
Never before has the words 'He needs to be dragged out into the street and shot' been more apt, than they are for Joel Schumacher. I cannot begin to express my utter contempt for this man. Letting Schumacher direct a movie is like letting a man with no arms take your new porche out for a test drive or expecting anyone that works in Mcdonalds to have an IQ higher than 10. Batman and Robin.......oh dear! This dismal excuse for a film is so bad, i had to muster up all my strength not to gouge my own eyes out with a spoon. If there was a competition to get everything wrong that can possibly be wrong then Joel Schumacher would surely win that prize. The only redeeming feature in this movie is the fact that it ends.......eventually......after 125 painstaking minutes.
Lake Placid 2 (2007)
So incredibly bad, its genius!
There are no words to describe this film (actually thats not true as I'm using words to describe it right now, but you get the idea........or maybe you don't......i shall explain!) This film has absolutely no story to it at all, unless you class people being eaten by giant crocodiles a well written plot. It also has some of the worst CGI animation i have ever seen - the animation is so bad, it probably would have been a little better if they just used a 2D animated croc or maybe just a stuffed toy that they animated with stop motion. They've managed to ram every cliché in the book (1001 cliché's: a cliché guide for dummies) into the film, and of course lets not forget the bunch of annoying teenagers that always insist on camping on a site where its widely known a bunch of slaughters have already taken place (see, the much more expensive and better written, lake placid) This coupled with Sam McMurray (the bloke that played chandlers boss in friends) ridiculous attempt at an irish accent (when he remembered to do it) which sounded pretty much like an American with......er....an American accent (he may as well have just used his normal voice and said begorrah at the end of every sentence, thats how bad it was) and John Schneider's small town sheriff armed with not much more than an heavy artillery of sarcasm all add up to make a fantastic movie. If you enjoy (as i do) watching utter utter drivel, then this is the movie for you!