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5/10
Starts put quite fun but goes to far
9 November 2006
I had wanted to see this move for awhile and finally found an old VHS copy for 50p. It started out as quite a promising cheap thriller with some interesting cameo appearances promised in the main titles (Divine, Tab Hunter, Lainie Kazan, etc -- all from the movie Lust In The Dust). The first two thirds of the movie were good but the last part really spoiled it with a ridiculous ending and a poorly handled twist. That said i'll probably watch it again one of these days. Incidentally, the 1992 cable movie Intimate Stranger starring Deborah Harry totally 'borrows' the beginning to this film, virtually scene for scene/word for word too. If you like this movie, you'll like that one too.
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Miami Vice (2006)
1/10
Fans, you'll be praying for the acting talents of Sheena Easton!
18 August 2006
I saw Miami Vice yesterday, it is an abomination! I can understand the need to keep things fresh and update a franchise. However, this is basically a very boring 'action' film incidentally entitled 'Miami Vice'. In particular Colin Farrell's pitiful performance bore no relation to the Crockett i'm familiar with. What Miami Vice the TV series lacked in depth it always made up for with a bit of humour and a good soundtrack, both were absent in this film. I'm glad it's flopped and there wont be sequel, its an insult to a decent TV show, very fondly remembered. Everyone involved in this movie should be thoroughly ashamed. The only good thing that will come of it is the continued release of the season box sets to cash in on the undoubted flock for the real thing when disappointed cinema go-ers head for their nearest DVD store. Horrible. PS. I do like Sheena as Caitlin Crockett in Season 4, "I Got You Babe *do do do*", in fact she's much better than the love interest in this lame duck.
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Reeker (2005)
1/10
Reeker Reeked!
2 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Before I start my mini-review of Reeker, I must say that I am by no means a high-brow movie buff. The classiest movie I own is Aliens and let it be known that I have DVD's starring the likes of Hulk Hogan, and the great Pia Zadora, and even such classics as Hell Come To Frogtown and the Complete Friday the 13th box set have a place in my collection, I even have Glitter somewhere! Even for a disposable flick, this movie is cheap! I'm talking Poundland. cheap! The killer is invisible throughout at least half of this piece of nonsense. As far as special effects goes, I haven't seen dismembered bodies this ropey since they last showed Day Of The Dead on the Sci-Fi Channel! In fact I think the ones from that movie were better, even though it was made 20 years ago! I will spare you yet another synopsis of this excuse for a 'horror' flick, but I feel it does earn its 1 star for the finale which does help make sense of 90mins of one dull incoherent cliché after another. There are no scares, and certainly no laughs to be had with this lame effort. Rent one of the bad movie classics I mentioned earlier if you have an evening to kill, don't waste time on the Reeker, it stinks!
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Bewitched (2005)
3/10
85 million dollars for what looks like, and plays like a TV movie
22 August 2005
This movie looked horribly cheap for it's budget, cheap sets, virtually no locations, cheap lame script, but it featured name actors. However, that doesn't mean it still didn't come off like a made for television movie. The acting was pleasant enough but it could hardly be called great. It's nice to see Shirley McLaine & Michael Caine on screen together, but they really are above this kind of thing. It reminded me a lot of Mariah Carey's movie 'Glitter', but without the good soundtrack. Vacuous and empty but not the worst thing you'll ever see. One to rent if your very bored. Better still watch the classic TV show. Credit where credit is due though, Nicole Kidman can certainly do Samantha's nose thing!
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8/10
Great follow up
22 July 2005
This movie has some classic ingredients for a great horror movie. Interesting characters, some really vile gore scenes, bad language, unnecessary nudity, and some familiar faces; Leslie Easterbrook (from the Police Academy movies), Ken Foree (the original Dawn Of The Dead), 80's pop singer/actress E.G. Daily and Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes) provide more than enough nostalgia for retro junkies, like myself.

The story isn't overly fast paced but the gore can be thick and pretty relentless and is at times implied rather than shown which I think adds to the experience. I really enjoyed Leslie Easterbrook as Mother Firefly (replacing Karen Black who was in the first movie, House Of 1000 Corpses). She does some wonderful overacting in her scenes, it's a shame she wasn't in it more, same goes for E.G. Daily who plays a sassy hooker. In fact everyone was great in their parts, let's face it this is not Shakespeare - this is a horror movie, I for one demand hammy over the top performances and a bit of camp! I don't want to give anything away but I will say my favourite scenes involved Mother Firefly and the sheriff, and Captain Spaulding and a mother and child. If you enjoyed House Of 1000 Corpses, this is a superior sequel in my mind and you wont be disappointed. If your idea of horror is a glossy PG-13 rated remake you might want to try weaning yourself onto this kind of movie with something a little less extreme.
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8/10
Interesting!
11 August 2004
This was quite a good documentary. It was shown on BBC1 the week after Sheena Easton's 2000 album 'Fabulous' was released. We see Sheena on the gondolas at the Venetian in Las Vegas, on stage with David Cassidy, in the recording studio, making her video, and appearing at London's G-A-Y! Sheena discusses her new album, her 20 year career, and why she decided to make a comeback. There are interviews with various 'celebrities' and there is lots of footage from her debut on 'The Big Time', her stint on Miami Vice, getting canned off the stage in Scotland, and a stroppy interview with newswoman Kirsty Wark. Entertaining stuff! Sadly the album was a huge bomb and Sheena hasn't come back since.
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The Sharon Osbourne Show (2003–2004)
I really like this
29 May 2004
I think this show is great. I try to watch it whenever I can. I think Sharon's relaxed approach is so refreshing and easy to watch. It airs on Sky One here in the UK in the afternoons and gets repeated in the evenings on their +1 channel. I think she has some great guests and I really like the way she incorporates some live music into the show. I can understand why some people don't like it because Sharon lacks the professionalism of most other talk show hosts. However, I think that's what makes it more enjoyable. I know it would be naive to say that she is like an everyday person, she's a multimillionairess who lives in Beverly Hills! But she has a certain worldliness and a down to earth quality that really comes across. It's a shame it was axed. It's less sensationalized than MTV's 'The Osbourne's' and should you want to see what the 'real' person is like then I reckon this is the best show to watch.
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If you think you've seen a bad talk show, you ain't seen nothing' yet!
29 May 2004
This show was absolutely appalling. Poor Cybill! She should fire her agent for this one. The premise of the show was that each episode would have a topic or two and then the discussion would be put to a small panel of guests. Half were women, half men. Not the worst idea in the world but not a particularly fresh one either. It was just rubbish! It got the worst viewing figures of all the talk shows in America and probably in England too where it aired on UK Living. Cybill looked totally out of her depth. She read every line very obviously off an auto-cue. It was horrific! And even worse, boring as hell! She is a much better actress than a presenter. Her sitcom was great but this was just the worst.
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VH1 Divas 2004 (2004 TV Special)
3/10
Shockingly bad!
15 May 2004
This should have rocked. VH1 moved away from the traditional divas (Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, etc.) that had made the 2003 show so stale. Sadly the move backfired. The show had no MC keeping the show together. Queen Latifah did a fantastic show at the 2003 Divas. The show kicked of with a horrific rendition of Lady Marmalade featuring Patti Labelle, Cyndi Lauper, and Jessica Simpson. Okay in the studio with some control they can all sound great.

However, when they are competing with each other (why?) it just sounds torturous! Jessica Simpson has the most bizarre facial expressions when she sings that i've ever witnessed! Cyndi Lauper also performed Girl Just Wanna Have Fun. That wasn't as bad but it was hardly impressive. The worst was yet to come! Cyndi and Patti Labelle teamed up to perform Cyndi's hit 'Time After Time'. It was acoustic, and didn't fit in with the rest of the show. Still it could've been okay if they both hadn't insisted on squealing like mamed animals. It was just dire.

Debbie Harry (from Blondie) is always cool. She has a style of her own and although maybe she can't compete vocally with a many of the divas although she certainly can sing very well. Debbie came out and performed Blondie's #1 hit 'Rapture'. With some lovely vocals. She really hit the notes perfectly. She looked stunning. Rapper Eve provided a new, but sadly inferior rap. It was good. Debbie's next performance was a team-up with newcomer Joss Stone. They performed the Blondie hit 'One Way Or Another'. I think Joss misunderstood the style of the song and just shouted over Debbie. A rather sad bit was when Debbie tried and failed to match her shouty style which spoiled it a bit. She should've just let Joss get on with her totally inappropriate warballing. The whole of Blondie performed this track. The final track Debbie performed was Blondie's massive hit 'Call Me'. It was pretty poor. Not Debbie's fault because you just couldn't hear her. The sound was atrocious all the way through the show.

Joss Stone also performed a few songs on her own. They were quite well done. Ashanti also showed up to perform two inexplicable cover versions. Firstly she did Diana Ross' 'I'm Coming Out', and then Chaka Khan's 'Ain't Nobody'. She is not a diva! She can sing to an extent but she has no presence whatsoever. Why not just get the real singers in. Chaka was even interviewed on the show....

Gladys Knight showed up and did a medley. It was very good. She was probably the best bit of the show. I don't know much about her other than she is a seasoned performer in Las Vegas and her experience and class really shone through. Patti Labelle fitted in another performance this time her 80's hit 'New Attitude'. It was the finale and it was okay but it was too little to late. This was one big dud. Better luck next time VH1.

The version I saw was a heavily edited 55min version which was shown on VH1 in the UK. If these were the best bits.....
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3/10
Hilarious!
12 May 2004
Pia Zadora is my new favourite 80's leading lady. This film is atrocious. The acting is bad, every joke falls flat, and the aliens are annoying beyond belief! I like the songs a lot. Bizzarely many of them are badly re-recorded versions of Pia's own songs. This is most obvious in 'A Little Bit Of Heaven' which she sings here with the alien commander Absid. Fans of trashy 80's movies will love it! It's even worse than Xanadu and Grease 2! Pia's outfits rock too! I'd give the plot 1/10, the acting 1/10, the feel-good factor is at least a 7/10, and the soundtrack is a 10/10 or 1/10 depending on your taste in music. Watch out for Pia's all singing, all dancing performance in the ladies room! Hilarity awaits you.... Buy, buy, buy!
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Raw Nerve (1991)
1/10
Just horrid
6 May 2004
This is an incredibly bad movie. I didn't expect anything of it and I still felt short changed. Not the worst £1 I ever spent but it's close. Ted Prior has to be the worst actor i've ever seen. I have to say the ending was a surprise but it still dumb. Traci Lords was okay for a while but her performance goes downhill. Anyone else think Jimmy and Gina were a little too 'close' for family members? It's a shame Sandahl Begman and Traci Lords had to make movies like this. They'd both been in far better movies than this (Conan and Cry-Baby, respectively). I wouldn't watch it again and wouldn't recommend it to anyone. 1/10.
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Hairspray (1988)
10/10
I think 'tvrwatson' missed the point
21 December 2003
Hairspray is a satire of 60's life for a lower middle class overweight girl in Baltimore, USA. It's supposed to be tacky and pro-America. It does have some deeper moments and some points to make about discrimination. But essentially it's a warm hearted, campy, funny flick. You only have to see who the director is to know that you aren't going to get another run-of-the-mill Hollywood story of overcoming adversity. It's a trashy take on pop culture of the 60's and the performances are great. Debbie Harry is especially good as Velma Von Tusle. The dancing is great, the script is excellent and the whole movie is just a masterpiece. I feel the movie doesn't get the recognition it deserves. The soundtrack is also spot on.
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10/10
As good as a TV movie gets
17 December 2003
This movie recently debuted on TV in the UK. It was surprisingly great. Jennifer Beals plays a great diva and Keri Lynn Platt is really convincing as a psycho. Very similar to The Hand That Rocks The Cradle and Fatal Attraction (without the sex). Traci Lords has a small role as a TV presenter with a grudge against Sloane (Beals). Great soundtrack, performed by Beals and she looks hot! Watch this movie with few expectations and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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4/10
Not brilliant, not even particularly good...
17 December 2003
Not the worst film I have ever seen. The acting is not up to much. Traci Lords is a bit better than most of the others. The action is okay though although Lords is invisible for most of her action sequences. The story has a good anti drugs message for kids even though some of it may not be that suitable for all youngsters. Watch out for WWE wrestler Rob Van Damm, his acting is terrible!
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Epicenter (2000)
5/10
Goodness gracious, great balls of flying polystyrene!
16 December 2003
Traci Lords is an undercover agent in a terrible wig who must deliver a guy who she thwarts selling weapons to the Russians. But what should happen? There's an earthquake!!! Traci must save her daughter but also keep hold of her prisoner. It's pretty awful but it's harmless. I think it debuted on UPN as movie of the week. In the UK it was shown as late night filler on movie channels.
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Chump Change (2000)
10/10
Very good
16 December 2003
I can't believe this has such a low rating. It's really a great movie. It was actually made my Dimension Films in 2000 but will not receive a release, be it on DVD, until 2004. Dimension did not feel it had enough appeal to be a hit. Maybe not, but the performances are really good all round. The film follows a guy who stars in a hit commercial and his bid for Hollywood stardom. It's fresh and very funny. And Traci Lords looks just as beautiful with no makeup.
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Extramarital (1998)
10/10
Traci Lords does a great job
16 December 2003
I really like Traci Lords. She may not be the greatest actress in the world but she's rather good in this. She play the dowdy, conservative, reporter to a 'T'. It's a great little thriller which keeps you guessing for a good while. Jeff Fahey is also good as Traci's boss. I think given a decent break Traci could be a top actress. She's certainly no worse than some of today's leading ladies.
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Skinner (1993)
6/10
Great idea good effects, but....
16 December 2003
This film suffers from chronic sound problems. There is an echo on half of it. Now you may be thinking it's just my video, well I got the DVD as well and it's the movie! Really shoddy, but anyway. The film has a great premise and Ricki Lake and Ted Raimi are okay in it. Poor Traci Lords takes it a little over the top and it comes off as a bit amaturish. There is one disturbing seen involving Traci's character, Heidi, that freaks me out. It's when she stabs the needle in her and lets out this scream. It's pretty effective so she deserves some credit for that scene at least. The skinning scenes don't get good for a while but bear with the film for them because they are really sick. Also watch out for Skinner running around in a black guy! Literally! It's truly gross!
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5/10
Funny
16 December 2003
Okay the movie is pretty lame but it does have it's comedic moments and it's full of cringe making one liners and bad jokes. Some of the performances are okay (Lords and Metzler). Vernon Wells is hysterical as Circuitry Man and goes way OTT. The ending brings the film down but I guess it's in keeping with the films overall corniness. Average but fun.
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Ice (1994)
I guess it paid the bills
16 December 2003
This movie was directed by Traci Lords' husband and nephew on John Waters, Brook Yeaton. The movie is pretty bad but it's light entertainment for those who like a bit of Traci and things blowing up. Pretty non-descript performance from Traci. I wouldn't go out of my way to see it again but it's fun if only to laugh at the mistakes the director made. Where did those guns go.....
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Ask Rita (2003– )
Las Vegas' Queen of Funny falls flat on TV....
10 August 2003
This show is not very good. The major flaw is that the host's 'unique' brand of humour isn't mainstream enough to engage a mainstream audience. I went to a live taping in Las Vegas and it wasn't much better watching live. Rita Rudner seems to be a really nice lady but the show only occasionally engages your interest for the full half hour. A new more mainstream format and some more famous guests may keep the show going a bit longer although the the lack of budget is painfully obvious so any revamp would be unlikely. 2/5
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Reborn in the USA (2003– )
A Saturday night gem.
2 April 2003
Reborn In The USA started in March 2003 airing on Saturday nights. The idea of the show as to resurrect the careers of former pop stars by taking them around the USA on a bus and making them perform live in front of an audience in various States. Each week the performers with the least studio audience votes were up up for eviction from the bus and sent back home to the UK. Viewers voted for the one they wanted to stay on the bus. There was a good range of performers from 80's pop lovely Sonia to 70's rocker Elkie Brooks and crooner Tony Hadley. Surprising entrants were Gina G and ex-Ultimate Kaos member Haydon who were only in their 20's! The show was rather cheaply made but this added to it's charm. The contestants were made to stay in run down hotels and eat fast food much to their annoyance. Although the singers aren't exactly the best in world the show was still great entertainment and the cat-fights between Sonia and Dollar were hilarious. Early evictees were not surprisingly Dollar (David Van Day & Theresa Bazarr) followed by Gina G and Elkie Brooks. Top notch!
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