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Smothered (2016) Poster

(2016)

Quotes

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Chunks: Making a movie, right?

Kane: Sorry?

Chunks: You're Kane Hodder. The horror king. I was at the convention, you weren't at your table. Figured you must be making a movie here. Are they filming you know? Us... now?

Kane: Yeah, and you're fucking up the shot, Nurse Ratchet.

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Kane: Damn it, Agness. Is he dead?

Agness: Shit no. All he is, is wet. Missed and he's pissed himself.

Randy: That's Agness? Dude. That chick would boil your rabbit.

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Agness: Aww, don't get your panties in a wad. How in the hell can ya'll be scary, scary people in your movies and you're just pussies in person.

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Randy: You have, ah, tattoos. I like tattoos.

Dee Dee: Well, I have three, Randy. Got one here... and one here.

Don: Where's lucky number three?

Dee Dee: Well Don, if you saw that one, I'd have to kill you.

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Mountain Man: Look out there, Freddie. Freddie!

Soggy Christian: It's Teddy. Freddie was the first one. I'm... number two.

Mountain Man: I'm talking to the dog... Teddy.

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Kid: [to R.A] Which one are you?

Kane: That's R.A. Mihailoff. He's the shit. The real deal. He can't talk because his mother burned his tongue out with a curling iron when he was... Wait, how old are you?

Kid: Eleven. I like the fourth quiltface better. The fourth quiltface was cool.

Kane: The fourth quiltface was CGI.

R.A.: I was eleven.

Kid: If your mother burned your tongue out when you were eleven, how come you can talk now?

R.A.: You're eleven now. How come you can talk?

Kid: Because I'm alive, you moron.

R.A.: I can fix that.

[brings out a circular saw]

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R.A.: You weren't in number three. Richard was number three.

Kane: I know that. But he'd do the same for me. May God rest his soul.

R.A.Soggy Christian: May God rest his soul.

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Don: You gonna talk over him?

Kane: We didn't bury him.

Don: Well, it looked like you were gonna say something. So either say it or cover him the fuck up.

Trixie: Poor R.A.

Don: Why are we wasting our time with Thelma? There's a great RV just down the road.

Randy: What the hell are you talking about?

Don: Well... the old fucker's dead. He died of a heart attack or AIDS or some damn thing. And I had to shoot mini Cujo. So let's take his RV.

Kane: So because he's dead, we can just take his RV?

Don: He sure as fuck isn't gonna use it.

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Soggy Christian: Hey, where's Malcolm?

Randy: Found a boat, his hat, spare tire but no Malcolm.

Trixie: The hell did you get us into anyway, Kane?

Kane: Got you into a thousand bucks, that's what.

Trixie: Got us into a cluster fuck.

Kane: Take needle dick here down to the old fucker's RV and bring it up here. At least all of us can sleep inside tonight.

Don: Come on, bounce-boy.

Randy: You old fuckers are funny.

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Kane: Today is Friday the thirteenth. We are the biggest stars in the biggest horror films in the history of horror films, and we can't give our pictures away! It's a shit day, R.A.! If Friday the 13th is shit then Saturday the 14th will be even shittier! Wake up and small the AARP card!

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Kane: It was you, you crazy bitch. You killed 'em all.

Dee Dee: Don's dead. Just like all the rest of 'em. Isn't that all you horror guys want? Everyone just die?

Kane: We're actors, you stupid bitch. It's fuckin' movies.

Dee Dee: Go ahead. Pull the trigger. You're covered in gasoline you idiot. You'll lite yourself on fire. Again. Wouldn't that be fun... Kane.

Kane: That's not how it happened.

Dee Dee: You'll never do it. The hero never shoots the girl.

Kane: I've never been the hero.

[shoots Dee Dee]

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R.A.: We call top bunk.

Kane: Nobody calls top bunk.

Soggy Christian: Who died and made you Thelma's king?

Kane: She's my motorhome. I am the king of Thelma.

Soggy Christian: Thelma is a Mini Winnie. And a Mini Winnie does not make a motorhome!

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Randy: Why can't you sleep outside, R.A.?

R.A.: You'll laugh.

Malcolm: R.A.! I won't laugh. I promise.

R.A.: You will. You all will.

Kane: R.A. We're your friends, we're not gonna fuckin' laugh! What?

R.A.: I'm afraid of the dark.

[they burst out in laughter]

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