The Angry Birds Movie (2016)
Quotes
Early Bird: [Working at Early Bird Worms] Fresh worms caught today.
Early Bird: [to the anger Red] Hey, Red how are ya?
Red: [cheerfully] Oh, I'm horrible!
Red: Something about those pigs isn't kosher.
Leonard: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!
Mighty Eagle: MIGHTY EAGLE!
[Mighty Eagle smashes into the Piggies castle, but clumsily lands and smashes his head on the golden pot]
Red: [Runs over to Mighty Eagle] Mi... Mighty Eagle... Mighty Eagle, wake up
[Slaps Mighty Eagle's eye with his tongue]
Red: , come on... augh, you've got bad breath...
Mighty Eagle: I can sleep late, Ma. It's not a school day!
[from trailer]
Leonard: Greetings! I am a pig.
Chuck: [whispering to Red] What's a pig?
[the escalator suddenly stops]
Leonard: Unbelievable.
Ross: Not working, not working.
[He hits a button with his head which makes the escalator go in reverse]
Leonard: Oh, where we're going.
Ross: Not working.
Leonard: We practiced this a hundred times.
Ross: Oh, man.
Leonard: Give it to me.
Ross: [sighs]
Leonard: [to the birds] We're gonna come in again.
Judge Peckinpah: Mr Red! Given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law: Anger management class.
Red: Ugh. Pluck my life.
[from trailer]
Bobby's Mom: [after Red attacks the Anger Management sign] Don't look, Bobby! The anger might be contagious!
Bobby: [waves "hi" to Red]
Red: He started it.
[from trailer]
Red: If anyone knows what these pigs are up to, it's Mighty Eagle.
Chuck: [gasps] It's Mighty Eagle's Lake of Wisdom!
[Chuck and Bomb play in the lake]
Red: Get out of there!
[Chuck spits the water into Bomb's mouth]
Red: Don't spit in his mouth!
[Bomb spits the water back into Chuck's mouth]
Red: No, don't spit it back! Uh, don't swallow it.
[Chuck swallows the water]
Red: Auh!
[Mighty Eagle comes out of his cave as Red, Chuck and Bomb hide behind a rock and Mighty Eagle does a pose]
Red: Oh, wow, it's him.
[as Mighty Eagle finishes posing, he starts to pee in the lake]
Mighty Eagle: Aaahhhhh...
[Bomb and Chuck look strangely at the lake]
Red: Oh, man.
[Bomb pretends to throw up]
Chuck: No, no, no. Ack!
Bomb: Wahahahaha!
[Chuck scrubs the water off his mouth with a rock, then Mighty Eagle finishes peeing as he feels relaxed]
Red: Horrible turn of events, horrible.
[from trailer]
Red: We're gonna get those eggs back! Come on, we're birds! We're descendants from dinosaurs! We're not supposed to be nice!
[Petunia roars like a t-rex]
Judge Peckinpah: Holy moly!
Red: Yeah, point made.
[from trailer]
Chuck: I'm gonna get ready.
[Terence slingshots him to the castle]
Chuck: I wasn't ready!
[He uses is speed ability to get into the castle, then he flies into a kitchen, a cactus room, and a room where pigs are having sword duels, then he hits a brick as it falls down]
Red: Chuck, is that you?
Chuck: This is the house of horrors!
Mime: Oh, my God!
Red: Well, how about that? My teacher can shoot fire balls out of her butt!
Leonard: Delicious bird eggy weggy!
Red: Well this is dynamite.
Chef Pig: Things are looking sunny side up!
Leonard: My eggs!
Red: [Red is sleeping in his bed, and suddenly has a flower pot fall on him] Ow!
[It turns out a little kid is kicking a football against his house. He falsely smiles at the kid, then kicks him up in the sky]
Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red! What do we do now?
Red: Wait... You're asking me?
Judge Peckinpah: You tried to tell us but we didn't listen. I didn't listen.
[from trailer]
Red: Am I a passionate bird? Yes, but what does it matter that we're not the same?
[from trailer]
Red: That's me, Red. Ever since I was a kid, I never really fit in. No one understands me.
Leonard: Hmm... is that what I think it is?
Stella: That's an egg. That's how are children are born. You guys don't like eggs?
Leonard: [Sotto voce] I wish we did.
[Daydream sequence: Leonard is out in a meadow having a picnic with the egg]
Leonard: Enchanté.
[pours wine and "feeds" the wine to the egg]
Leonard: You look delicious, my dear.
[Leonard skips through the meadow holding the egg while laughing maniacally, then rolls through the grass and points at the sky]
Leonard: That's us.
[2 clouds appear in a heart shape, then the big cloud eats the small cloud. Back to reality: Leonard is holding the egg while laughing maniacally]
[when one of the dynamite was about to blow up and the giant pot was about to fall down on the rock Red is running to get on, with Leonard on his tail]
Leonard: You have annoyed me for the last time!
Red: Yep!
[the giant pot falls on Red, shielding him as Leonard gasps as the supply of Piggy Island explosives blows up]
Red: Mighty Eagle fly us down there now!
Mighty Eagle: No.
Red: I'm sorry what?
Mighty Eagle: I don't do that anymore. I'm retired. Mostly just tired.
Leonard: When I say Hey, you say Ho! Hey!
Birds: Ho!
Red: Hey you know what? I used to believe in you. When I was a kid I believed nothing really bad could ever happen because you were here. And now i see the fate of the world hangs on idiots like me. And that sir is sort of terrifying.
Mighty Eagle: It's time for you to go.
Red: You know it's really upsetting to me that you're the only bird who can fly and you're to afraid to do it.
[from trailer]
Leonard: [seeing one of the eggs] Is that what I think it is?
Red: Excuse me! Those are fragile, alright? Not yours.
Judge Peckinpah: You are makin' our guest feel unwelcome!
Red: And you're not asking basic questions!
[a pig slaps his butt]
Chuck: Well, this just got awkward.
[from trailer]
Red: Doesn't anyone see what's going on here? The whole world is in danger! And it's up to us to stop 'em!
[from trailer]
Red: Nice chatting with you.
[from trailer]
Judge Peckinpah: You tried to tell us, but we didn't listen. What do we do now?
Red: That is where they went, and so that is where we're going!
[the birds cheer]
Chuck: It's Chuck time!
[he runs into a pipe; Red groans]
[from trailer]
Stella: Hey, something's coming!
[from trailer]
Red: These pigs mysterious and weird, am I right? I don't trust them! I think they're up to something!
Judge Peckinpah: Your opinion is not needed!
[Red gets slingshot by the pigs]
Red: Beak, wing, giblets!
Leonard: That went well, if you're me.
[from trailer]
Leonard: Greetings from the world of the pig!
Leonard: That guy again!
Leonard: Call in the piggy air force!
Leonard: That Guy again!
Stella: [to the pigs] You guys don't lay eggs?
Matilda: Today we are going to be managing our anger through movements.
Chuck: Classy Joint.
Leonard: Transport the eggs!
Red: If anyone knows what these pigs are up to it's Mighty Eagle.
Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red, we are a happy happy bird community. Under the protection of Mighty Eagle, we work, we laugh, we love, and we live our lives free of conflict and strife sir.
Red: We love the sound of our own voice too evidently.
Judge Peckinpah: Perhaps you've never heard the joke, Why don't birds fly? I'm gonna tell you why. Because where else would we ever want to go?
Red: Wow. Not a good joke.
Judge Peckinpah: So now what am i to make of the likes of you. There seems to be a recurring issue here. Anger.
Red: I don't think i have an anger issue. I think you got an anger issue.
Judge Peckinpah: Anger is a weed growing in our garden. And what do you do when you find a weed?
Red: I don't know but i bet you're gonna tell me.
Judge Peckinpah: You pluck it out!
Mime: Oh my God!
Bubbles: Don't mess with Bubbles!
Judge Peckinpah: My friends we would love to see your cowboy show.
Leonard: Thank you. Thank you so much.
[repeated line]
Mime: Oh, my God.
Leonard: Okay, maybe I'll dance for just a sec.
Leonard: Who says birds don't fly?
Judge Peckinpah: Anger is not always the answer!
Matilda: This little piggy popped! This little piggy exploded. And this little piggy cried wee, wee, I want my mama!
Eva: Your Honor, our family has always practiced natural child-hatch; the risks of having a scrambled infant are too great. There was going to be music, the nest was going to be full with beautiful, fresh-cut flowers, and the first two faces he was going to see were the loving faces of his mother and his father.
[Edward sheds a tear falls onto their hatchling]
Eva: We can never get that moment back.
Red: Ma'am, I never wanted my face to be the first face your baby saw. I mean, what are we talking about here? He probably doesn't even remember me!
[Red walks over to the family, then the hatchling excitedly exclaims]
Hatchling: Daddy!
Red: Beak! Wing! Tail! Ribs! Giblets!
Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red, when you moved your house outside of our village, did you notice that nobody tried to stop you? Birds the may smile at you on the street, but that doesn't mean they like you.
Bomb: I don't know what happened. I was doing the poses i was feeling all zen Matilda was digging it then i lost my grip on it. Let it slipped and it just squeaked out.
Hatchling: Daddy!
Red: Stop it! No i'm not your daddy!
Leonard: Get that red scam off my eggs!
Leonard: It's over! You're finished Eyebrows!
Judge Peckinpah: Welcome to Bird Island! Welcome to our new friends the Pigs. Let us have a celebration!
Leonard: Put it there!
Cyrus: Wellcome. Oh sorry!
Leonard: And a hoof to a wing.
Red: [after watching The Mighty Eagle pee in "The Lake of Wisdom"] Not so much The Lake of Wisdom. It's more like The Lake of Whiz.
Red: Oh, oh, mmm! Oh, wait. I almost forgot. You know, I'm supposed to do a quick customer satisfaction survey before I...
Red: [whistles] split, okay? So, on the scale of one to three stars, what would you say about my performance? And don't forget, the squirrel was...
Red: [steps on a squirrel; Distorted scream] free... Sorry about this!
Edward the Birthday Dad: [Distorts] No!
Red: [Distorts] My bad.
Red: [Grunts as he stops] Huh!
Edward the Birthday Dad, Eva the Birthday Mom, Timothy the Birthday Boy: [They hold Red from above their egg]
Timothy the Birthday Boy: [He realizes the crumb of the birthday cake on the floor and eats it] Mmm!
Edward the Birthday Dad, Eva the Birthday Mom: [They gasped as Red accidentally hatched their egg]
Red: [Muffled] Congratulations!
Edward the Birthday Dad: Huh?
Eva the Birthday Mom: Oh!
Red: [gives a thumb up] It's a boy!
Matilda: [Humming as her painting class, with Red, Chuck, Bomb and Terrence, begins]
Matilda: All right, class. Thought for the day: Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth.
Red: Here's my thought of the day: When are we done?
Matilda: [sighs] Ugh! Red, what the caterpillar calls the end, the world calls a butterfly.
Red: Can I say I never understand a single thing you're talking about?
Matilda: [mocking Red] "Can I just say...?"
Matilda: [speaks gibberish]
Leonard: [Sees Red's painting of himself being struck by thunder] Well, that's a very good painting. Very good.
Red: Oh, yeah. Uh... The assignment was "Paint Your Pain", so I painted your pain. It's actually the first in a series.
Red: [Shows his painting of Leonard and his pigs being caught by a octopus] Here you go.
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Red: [Shows his painting of him kicking Leonard in a barrel into a waterfall] This one is nice.
Leonard: Oh.
Red: [Shows his painting of him roasting Leonard in a pit with a apple in his mouth] I call this one "Catharsis".
Leonard: [He is unimpressed]
Red: [Shows his painting of him slingshots Leonard outta Bird Island] And... Oh, I call this one "Bye-Bye".
Leonard: Huh. Wonderful likeness.
Leonard: [to Judge Peckinpah] I thought you said you stored your nuts for winter.
Leonard: [Stella, Peckinpah, Earl, Photog and Earl laughs] Burn.
[from trailer]
Red: [He runs to Timothy's house for a birthday party, dressed in a crazy clown outfit] Ta-da!
Timothy the Birthday Boy: [screams]
Red: No, no, no, no, no!
[sings]
Red: Happy hatch day to you. Happy hatch day, dear
[he looks at the piece of paper with the kid's name on it]
Red: Timothy wheat allergy, doesn't like clowns.
[to himself]
Red: Oh, boy.
Timothy the Birthday Boy: [sniffles]
Red: [continues to finish the song] Happy hatch day to you!
Timothy the Birthday Boy: [screams]
[from trailer]
Judge Peckinpah: There seem to be a recurring issue here! Anger.
Red: don't think I have an anger issue, I think you got an anger issue. Are you aware that that robe that you're wearing isn't fooling anybody?
[he suddenly takes the robe off of to reveal Judge Peckinpah standing on top of Cyrus to appear tall]
Red: Voila!
[there's an audible gasp from the crowd watching]
Cyrus: Achoo!
[Judge Peckinpah falls down]
Mime: Oh, my God!
