5.2/10
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87 user 47 critic

The VelociPastor (2018)

Trailer
1:41 | Trailer
After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Director:

Brendan Steere

Writer:

Brendan Steere
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Popularity
657 ( 2,916)
1 win & 2 nominations. See more awards »

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Cast

Credited cast:
Alyssa Kempinski ... Carol
Greg Cohan ... Doug Jones (as Gregory James Cohan)
Claire Hsu ... Chinese Villager
Aurelio Voltaire ... Altair
Nicholas M. Garofolo ... Hobo
Jesse Turits ... Sam the White Ninja
Daniel Steere Daniel Steere ... Father Stewart
Fernando Pacheco De Castro Fernando Pacheco De Castro ... Frankie Mermaid
Zachary Steere Zachary Steere ... Dinosaur Suit Performer
Jiechang Yang Jiechang Yang ... Wei Chan
Douglas Saint James Douglas Saint James ... Surgeon
George Schewnzer George Schewnzer ... Doug's Dad
David Sokol David Sokol ... Ali
Dan Rhoades Dan Rhoades ... Vietnam Soldier 2
Erik Oh Erik Oh ... Choi-Min
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Storyline

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Man of the clawth. See more »


Parents Guide:

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Did You Know?

Trivia

Most of the scratches on the film were achieved manually by Brendan Steere dragging the unprocessed film along surfaces in his bathroom, for it was the only room in his apartment with no windows and therefore dark enough to not expose the raw film. See more »

Goofs

At the 29:50 mark, Fr. Doug quotes two passages and cites Leviticus 24:25 and Matthew 32:6. Neither verses exist. Leviticus 24 has only 23 verses, and Matthew has only 28 chapters. See more »

Quotes

Doug Jones: I don't believe you. Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I don't transform into one.
See more »

Connections

References Miami Connection (1987) See more »

User Reviews

 
Pure ridiculous cheese
27 August 2019 | by SciFiandScarySee all my reviews

This was glorious. Pure batsh** cheese. So much better than I could have even hoped for.

Brendan Steere, Alyssa Kempinski, and Greg Cohan are a dino-mite team in The VelociPastor. Pretty much everything about the movie was perfect; if you're a fan of low-budget horror-comedies, it's a must-see. It has everything you could ask for - perfectly timed, groan-worthy lines, props that look like they came from a school play, and actors that embrace every bit of the cheese potential.

This had me roaring with laughter several times. It's the type of movie that, honestly, if you don't look at the poster and go "Oh, my God, I need this" then you need to just back away slowly. It's crude, loud, and ridiculous and amazingly good. Steere manages to bring the feel of the 70s to the screen in the best way. And when you add ninjas and a VelociPastor, really, there's nothing else you dare ask for.

Part of (okay, most of) what makes The VelociPastor so great is that Kempinksi and Cohan (a better-looking version of Benedict Cumberbatch) act the hell out of it. It's stupid cheesy, and yet they manage such solid performances that you can't help but admire them.

Overall, this is a near perfect movie and I (and Sam, who also watched and gave her input here) recommend it to everyone. Lots of action, lots of laughter, lots of fun.

Disclaimer: I received a screening link to this movie from the publicist for review consideration.


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Details

Country:

USA | China

Language:

English | Cantonese | Mandarin | Korean

Release Date:

13 August 2019 (USA) See more »

Also Known As:

The VelociPastor See more »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs

Runtime:

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1
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