Charlie Harper : What's your problem?
Jake Harper : My problem is you're a sleazeball.
Charlie Harper : Oh? Is that so?
Alan Harper : Oh, please. You're in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman and the minute her back is turned, you're out gallivanting.
Jake Harper : Gallivanting?
Alan Harper : Screwing around.
Jake Harper : Why don't you just say screwing around?
Charlie Harper : Hey, as we speak, Chelsea is out there doing the same thing.
Alan Harper : Oh, really? She's pouring liquor down the throat of an inebriated party girl?
Jake Harper : Inebriated?
Alan Harper : Drunk.
Jake Harper : Jeez, who are you showing off for?
Charlie Harper : [Charlie's girlfriend is out of town, so he proposes that he and Alan and Jake do something together] So, what's it gonna be? A movie? Bowling? Putt-putt? Nevada cat house?
Jake Harper : I vote for cat house.
Alan Harper : Do you even know what a cat house is?
Jake Harper : Not first hand, that's why I voted for it.
Alan Harper : A movie would be fine.
Charlie Harper : Allright. A movie it is. What's out that's good?
Jake Harper : There's a new pirate movie. It's rated Rrrrrrr.
[he pauses, no-one reacts]
Jake Harper : You guys have no sense of humor.