Kathryn Hahn: Babs Merrick
Babs Merrick : If he moves that car, I'll eat my own pussy.
Babs Merrick : Make no mistake, gentlemen. When you die... poop... leaves... your butt.
Tammy Selleck : You know Paxton here is in one of those popular bands in Temecula. Balls out!
Paxton Harding : No Big ups.
Tammy Selleck : Big Ups.
Don Ready : Either way.
Paxton Harding : Big ups is the name of the band! It's me and Ricky and Jason and we ya know we sing about life and love and passion, I'm not gonna lie to you we have some pretty *sick* dance moves.
Don Ready : Are, are you in a boy band?
Paxton Harding : No I'm in a man band, Were all over 30 we call it a man band,
Don Ready : You're... You're men in a boy band.
Paxton Harding : We open for O-Town! Right here in Temecula okay. Google it.
Brent Gage : No.
Paxton Harding : Google it
Brent Gage : No.
Paxton Harding : Why wouldn't you Google it, I just told you to Google it. Google "Big Ups"
Babs Merrick : No i Googled it, it said you *fucking* blow.
Paxton Harding : That was O-Town's website.
Paxton Harding : You know what. I'm rising above this, while you guys are yukking it up I'm gonna go rehearse with Big Ups.
Babs Merrick : Honey, we just finished the last job three hours ago. I still smell like customer!
Babs Merrick : You're a virgin?
Jibby Newsome : Oh, hell no!
Babs Merrick : Oh.
Jibby Newsome : No, I been with hundreds of women... maybe thousands. I... I just ain't never really ever made love to a woman. You know, I've done 3-ways, 4-ways, menage-a-tois, menage sept, menage seises... I've sixty-nined, eighty-nined... one hundred fourteened. Golden, diamond and platinum showers. I like that. I mean, I ripped shit up. Done all that... but I ain't never ever made love to a woman.
Brent Gage : [Knocking on motel room door] Come on Don... come on.
Babs Merrick : What's going on? Don's never been late for the last day of a sale.
Ivy Selleck : [Opening door] Don's gone. Aaaaand you did not see me here. Okay.
Babs Merrick : Well did he go to the lot?
Ivy Selleck : I don't know. He kind of just freaked out and left.
Jibby Newsome : 'Querque all over again.
Babs Merrick : Fuckin' 'Querque.
Babs Merrick : I'll cut off your tits with a knife, you bitch!
Don Ready : You're here from Selleck Motors?
Peter Selleck : No but my dad is.
Don Ready : You know you're supposed to put the name of the party you're picking up not your own. Love the drawing though.
Peter Selleck : Yea I'm a really good drawer, I like to draw stomach muscles the most. I can also draw Darth Vader's Helmet, I can also draw him, I can draw uhh a saber, A lightsaber or a regular sword it dudnt even matter
Don Ready : What the fuck is wrong with you? Are ya drunk? Are you retarded? Because were here to help you.
Peter Selleck : Don't move! Dad! Amber Alert! Adult! Stranger Danger Stranger Danger! Dad!
Babs Merrick : Looks like it wasn't the fax ink, hes some sort of man child.
Ben Selleck : Its a pituitary problem ma'am, Hes 10... in the developing body of an adult
Don Ready : Awe I'm sorry buddy, I'm totally sorry. Put it up there high five, good effort there