Dr. Gregory House: Inject him with Cortisol. The guy'll have sex with his wife again! He'll hug his kid again! Hopefully that's the combination he was using... be a shame if I had cured a pedophile.
Dr. Gregory House: You want something, I want something. We compromise. It's the grown-up way to resolve our differen...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: There already is a mechanism for that. It's called the employer/employee relationship. I get what I want and you don't.
Dr. Gregory House: Relax, I'm not gonna burn you again. I'm going to STAB you!
Dr. Allison Cameron: You did something for which she's grateful and you're... embarassed?
Dr. Gregory House: For you. She saw you coming and thought you were a 14-year-old boy. I set her straight.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I am not telling you what went wrong... or right. Until you tell me why she said "Thank you."
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, you got me. You know I need to know. I am so gonna fold. Except you're forgetting there's one thing I can do now.
[looks over Cameron's shoulder. She glances in that direction and then House runs in the opposite direction]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [about House's last patient] He got up. I have to go tell House.
Dr. James Wilson: No. Cuddy, you can't tell him.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have to tell him. He was right.
Dr. James Wilson: Why did you do it? Why did you think he might be right?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Because he's... House.
Dr. James Wilson: Medically, what made you think he was right?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Nothing.
Dr. James Wilson: He got lucky. That's all that happened. Telling him "No" was a good thing. Because next time, he won't be lucky and he'll kill someone. Just because he was right, doesn't mean he wasn't wrong.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [exhales; long pause] I see him every day. I can't just...
Dr. James Wilson: Everybody lies.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I stuck that primo! How rad am I?
Dr. Gregory House: For the first time in years, I've got no opiates in my body. Now you question my judgment?
Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] You're smiling. That's a bad sign.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House, who is looking at his blood-stained carpet] It's... a little weird to discuss the case while you're staring at your blood on the floor.
Mark McNeil: He wouldn't kill himself.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'm wrong. You obviously have a better understanding of this man who drools in front of your TV set 24 hours a day.
Caren Krause: Dr. House?
Mark McNeil: He... he must've been confused, all right? It must have been an accident.
Dr. Gregory House: I hope it was a suicide attempt. If he was trying to kill himself, then he knows how miserable his life is. It means there's still something there to kill. It means your dad's still there.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're lucky he didn't die.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] You ran here?
Dr. Gregory House: [out of breath] It's just... eight miles.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Why did you...
Dr. Gregory House: Why does a dog lick its workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles?
Dr. James Wilson: Because he can.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Cameron, you are an excellent doctor. You'll get lots of tearful thank-yous from grateful patients.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah, am I such a bitch for wanting that?
Dr. Robert Chase: [about the patient] We trached him, endoscopically removed the probe and he's breathing again. So, all in all, great idea.
Dr. Gregory House: Get a look at the pancreas before the world ended?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It was clean.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which means barring anything else, meaning you, he can go home tomorrow.
Dr. Gregory House: This man nearly died. How can you discharge him?
Dr. Allison Cameron: His throat collapsed because of what we predicted.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You stick something down someone's throat, they gag, spasm which he did. It took us a half an hour to get that thing out.
Dr. Gregory House: Except that our patient's throat was sedated which means the brain should have sent a signal not to do anything. This could be cancer, or some bizarre neuro-degeneration, even a new type of vasculitis...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Stop it.
[stands in House's way]
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're enjoying this.
Dr. Gregory House: I find it interesting.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's interesting only if you're right. If you're wrong, we're torturing this guy to amuse you.
Dr. Gregory House: [about the patient] Re-do every blood test he's ever had. Re-scan his head.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No.
[House turns around and looks at her]
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's been sick and suffering for 8 years. I'm not going to help you make it worse. I'm not going to help you make it interesting.
Dr. Gregory House: That's okay. Foreman's better at that stuff than you are. We need 5mm cuts through the occipital and hypothalamic regions.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Everyone looks over at Chase] How many millimeters?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House, you don't use hunches. You always have reasons. This hospital doesn't exist for your whims.
Dr. James Wilson: What about Post-Hair Transplant Aphasia Guy?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Infection throwing clots. House'll shoot it down and call you an idiot.
Dr. James Wilson: Middle-aged man. Had hair transplant about two months ago...
Dr. Gregory House: Infection throwing clots. You're an idiot.
Dr. Gregory House: Except you're not an idiot. And she is holding a file for a 26-year-old female. What do you really got for me?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Girl was doing an inverted yoga pose, neck snapped, paralyzed from the neck down. Except the X-rays show no evidence of spinal injury. And she's cute.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, well-played, sir.
Dr. Robert Chase: What about boogers? Should we include boogers?