"The Simpsons" Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier



  • Marge Simpson : Strained carrots for Maggie, strained carrots for Grampa.

    Abe Simpson : [Whining]  I want a bib too!

  • Moe Szyslak : I lost my bar!

    Barney Gumble : I lost his bar!

    Lisa Simpson : He robbed the school of music!

    Principal Skinner : He robbed the school of financial security!

    Tito Puente : He robbed the school of Tito!

    Homer : He can't remember my name!

    Marge Simpson : He's causing us all to yell!

    [Maggie sucks her pacifier violently] 

    Bart Simpson : Look what he did to my best friend!

    [Camera pans to Milhouse eating Cheezies] 

    Bart Simpson : No, my dog!

    [Santa's Little Helper rolls in on his cart] 

    Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns enters, chuckling]  Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. Perhaps I can sell him a little oil?

  • Marge Simpson : I must say, Mr. Burns is being awfully inconsiderate - selfish, even.

    Bart Simpson : Burns needs some serious boostafazoo, right Dad?... Dad?... Homer!

    Lisa Simpson : [Bart pulls paper away to reveal Abe] 

    [Abe, Bart Lisa all scream] 

    Lisa Simpson : Sorry, Grampa. It's just that for a second it looked like Dad had melted.

    Abe Simpson : Well, get used to it, 'cause I'm living here now. I ain't going back to the retirement home until they fish my bed out of that sinkhole.

  • Mr. Burns : Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about?

    [pause, then a gasp] 

    Mr. Burns : I see. I think you'd better drop it. I said... drop it!

    [grunts of a struggle] 

    Mr. Burns : Get... your... hands... off!

    Marge Simpson : Where is everyone?


  • Abe Simpson : [Bart finds Grampa's gun]  That's my old Smith and Wesson. If you're gonna play with it, be careful, 'cause its loaded.

    Marge Simpson : [Walking in]  Argh! Bart, put that down! Guns are very dangerous and I won't have them in this house.

    Abe Simpson : [Marge takes the gun away]  How can you have a house without a gun? What if a bear came through that door?

    Marge Simpson : I'm going to bury it in the yard where little hands can't get to it.

    [Walks out] 

    Abe Simpson : Geesh! You should have fired into the air. She would have run off!

  • [last lines of the episode as the Springfieldians gather to see Mr. Burns laid out on the sundial] 

    Patty Bouvier : Mr. Burns has been shot.

    Chief Wiggum : Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask!

    [Wiggum pulls on Burns' face] 

    Chief Wiggum : Wait, it is Burns.


    Chief Wiggum : His wrinkly skin looks like a mask.

    Marge Simpson : I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town is a suspect.

    [the camera pans across the Springfieldians and stops on Dr. Hibbert, who chuckles] 

    Doctor Hibbert : Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?

    [Hibbert points to the camera which pulls back to reveal that he's pointing to Wiggum] 

    Chief Wiggum : Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?

    [to be continued... ] 

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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