Moe Szyslak : I lost my bar!
Barney Gumble : I lost his bar!
Lisa Simpson : He robbed the school of music!
Principal Skinner : He robbed the school of financial security!
Tito Puente : He robbed the school of Tito!
Homer : He can't remember my name!
Marge Simpson : He's causing us all to yell!
[Maggie sucks her pacifier violently]
Bart Simpson : Look what he did to my best friend!
[Camera pans to Milhouse eating Cheezies]
Bart Simpson : No, my dog!
[Santa's Little Helper rolls in on his cart]
Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns enters, chuckling] Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. Perhaps I can sell him a little oil?
Marge Simpson : I must say, Mr. Burns is being awfully inconsiderate - selfish, even.
Bart Simpson : Burns needs some serious boostafazoo, right Dad?... Dad?... Homer!
Lisa Simpson : [Bart pulls paper away to reveal Abe]
[Abe, Bart Lisa all scream]
Lisa Simpson : Sorry, Grampa. It's just that for a second it looked like Dad had melted.
Abe Simpson : Well, get used to it, 'cause I'm living here now. I ain't going back to the retirement home until they fish my bed out of that sinkhole.
Abe Simpson : [Bart finds Grampa's gun] That's my old Smith and Wesson. If you're gonna play with it, be careful, 'cause its loaded.
Marge Simpson : [Walking in] Argh! Bart, put that down! Guns are very dangerous and I won't have them in this house.
Abe Simpson : [Marge takes the gun away] How can you have a house without a gun? What if a bear came through that door?
Marge Simpson : I'm going to bury it in the yard where little hands can't get to it.
Abe Simpson : Geesh! You should have fired into the air. She would have run off!
[last lines of the episode as the Springfieldians gather to see Mr. Burns laid out on the sundial]
Patty Bouvier : Mr. Burns has been shot.
Chief Wiggum : Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask!
[Wiggum pulls on Burns' face]
Chief Wiggum : Wait, it is Burns.
Chief Wiggum : His wrinkly skin looks like a mask.
Marge Simpson : I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town is a suspect.
[the camera pans across the Springfieldians and stops on Dr. Hibbert, who chuckles]
Doctor Hibbert : Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?
[Hibbert points to the camera which pulls back to reveal that he's pointing to Wiggum]
Chief Wiggum : Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?
[to be continued... ]