"The Simpsons" Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Hank Azaria: Package Forwarder #3, Package Processor, Superintendent Chalmers, Guillermo, 'Oil ho!', Veterinarian, Moe Szyslak, Male Scientist, Quimby's Aide, Crazy Old Man...



  • Superintendent Chalmers : Why is it when I heard the word "school" and the word "exploded" I immediately thought of the word "SKINNER"?

  • Moe Szyslak : I lost my bar!

    Barney Gumble : I lost his bar!

    Lisa Simpson : He robbed the school of music!

    Principal Skinner : He robbed the school of financial security!

    Tito Puente : He robbed the school of Tito!

    Homer : He can't remember my name!

    Marge Simpson : He's causing us all to yell!

    [Maggie sucks her pacifier violently] 

    Bart Simpson : Look what he did to my best friend!

    [Camera pans to Milhouse eating Cheezies] 

    Bart Simpson : No, my dog!

    [Santa's Little Helper rolls in on his cart] 

    Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns enters, chuckling]  Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. Perhaps I can sell him a little oil?

  • Mr. Burns : Have you ever seen the sun set at 3pm?

    Sea Captain : Aye, once. When I was sailing 'round the Arctic...

    Mr. Burns : Shut up, you. Take one last look at the sun, Springfield!

    [activates the Sunblocker] 

  • [last lines of the episode as the Springfieldians gather to see Mr. Burns laid out on the sundial] 

    Patty Bouvier : Mr. Burns has been shot.

    Chief Wiggum : Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask!

    [Wiggum pulls on Burns' face] 

    Chief Wiggum : Wait, it is Burns.


    Chief Wiggum : His wrinkly skin looks like a mask.

    Marge Simpson : I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town is a suspect.

    [the camera pans across the Springfieldians and stops on Dr. Hibbert, who chuckles] 

    Doctor Hibbert : Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?

    [Hibbert points to the camera which pulls back to reveal that he's pointing to Wiggum] 

    Chief Wiggum : Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?

    [to be continued... ] 

  • Apu : Where's a gun-toting lowlife when you need one?

    Snake : Sorry, I was in the can.

  • Mayor Quimby : People, take it easy. We're all upset about Mr. Burns' plan to, uh, block out our sun. It is time for decisive action. I have here a polite but firm letter to Mr. Burns' underlings, who with some cajoling, will pass it along to him or at least give him the gist of it.

    Quimby's Aide : [Whispers]  Sir, a lot of people are stroking guns.

    Mayor Quimby : Also it has been brought to my attention that a number of you are stroking guns. Therefore I will step aside and open up the floor.

    Smithers : [Smithers, unshaven and drunk, stands up] 


    Smithers : Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to... a friend. But he fired me! And now I spend my days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central!

    Doctor Hibbert : Oh, dear God!

    Smithers : Eh, it's not that bad. I never miss Pardon My Zinger.

    [Ned wraps a blanket around him] 

    Groundskeeper Willie : Burns cost me my groundskeeping job at the school. And I'm too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery.

    Abe Simpson : Because of him, I lost my room, my things and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines.

    Crazy Old Man : You bastard!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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