Superintendent Chalmers : Why is it when I heard the word "school" and the word "exploded" I immediately thought of the word "SKINNER"?
Moe Szyslak : I lost my bar!
Barney Gumble : I lost his bar!
Lisa Simpson : He robbed the school of music!
Principal Skinner : He robbed the school of financial security!
Tito Puente : He robbed the school of Tito!
Homer : He can't remember my name!
Marge Simpson : He's causing us all to yell!
[Maggie sucks her pacifier violently]
Bart Simpson : Look what he did to my best friend!
[Camera pans to Milhouse eating Cheezies]
Bart Simpson : No, my dog!
[Santa's Little Helper rolls in on his cart]
Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns enters, chuckling] Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. Perhaps I can sell him a little oil?
[last lines of the episode as the Springfieldians gather to see Mr. Burns laid out on the sundial]
Patty Bouvier : Mr. Burns has been shot.
Chief Wiggum : Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask!
[Wiggum pulls on Burns' face]
Chief Wiggum : Wait, it is Burns.
Chief Wiggum : His wrinkly skin looks like a mask.
Marge Simpson : I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town is a suspect.
[the camera pans across the Springfieldians and stops on Dr. Hibbert, who chuckles]
Doctor Hibbert : Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?
[Hibbert points to the camera which pulls back to reveal that he's pointing to Wiggum]
Chief Wiggum : Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?
[to be continued... ]
Mayor Quimby : People, take it easy. We're all upset about Mr. Burns' plan to, uh, block out our sun. It is time for decisive action. I have here a polite but firm letter to Mr. Burns' underlings, who with some cajoling, will pass it along to him or at least give him the gist of it.
Quimby's Aide : [Whispers] Sir, a lot of people are stroking guns.
Mayor Quimby : Also it has been brought to my attention that a number of you are stroking guns. Therefore I will step aside and open up the floor.
Smithers : [Smithers, unshaven and drunk, stands up]
Smithers : Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to... a friend. But he fired me! And now I spend my days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central!
Doctor Hibbert : Oh, dear God!
Smithers : Eh, it's not that bad. I never miss Pardon My Zinger.
[Ned wraps a blanket around him]
Groundskeeper Willie : Burns cost me my groundskeeping job at the school. And I'm too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery.
Abe Simpson : Because of him, I lost my room, my things and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines.
Crazy Old Man : You bastard!