Pa Kent: We used to wrap his presents in lead foil so he couldn't peek.
Clark Kent: [Clark looks momentarily confused] You mean *Santa* wrapped them.
Ma Kent: Oh, of course, dear.
J'onn J'onzz: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kent. I hope I'm not disturbing you. Super... uh, Clark, was most insistent that I spend the holidays with you. My name is J'onn... I'm a Martian.
Pa Kent: Oh, we're no strangers to aliens in this house. You just make yourself at home.
[Clark Kent examines his Christmas presents]
Clark Kent: Lead...
[Ultra-Humanite places the toy in front of the children; it lights up, and starts playing the theme from "The Nutcracker."]
D.J. Rubber Ducky: [Humanite's voice] Hello, children. Come close and I'll tell you a story.
Little Girl: Is that D.J. Rubber Ducky?
Little Boy: He sounds weird.
D.J. Rubber Ducky: [as they gather round] Little Clara had just received a beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, the mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer...
Ultra-Humanite: Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say?
The Flash: I kind of liked it when he made the poopy noise.
[Humanite frowns; Flash looks at the children, listening raptly to the story]
D.J. Rubber Ducky: That night, as Clara slept beneath the Christmas tree, her beloved toy came alive to lead her on an unforgettable adventure...
The Flash: But this is good too.
Ultra-Humanite: [of the top hat] I won't wear it.
The Flash: Oh, come on, I'm wearing the beard. You don't want to scare the kids, do you?
Ultra-Humanite: The indignity...
Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejeune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honor of the season.
The Flash: Seriously?
Ultra-Humanite: You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.
The Flash: [suspicious] It's not gonna blow up or anything?
Ultra-Humanite: [puh-leeze] Flash. It IS Christmas.
Ma Kent: [after J'onn puts on his sweater] I wasn't sure about the size...
[J'onn shape-shifts, expanding his upper body to fill out the sweater]
J'onn J'onzz: [smiles] I can grow into it.
[Hawkgirl takes Green Lantern to her idea of a celebration - a dive bar on a sleazy planet]
Shayera Hol: [throws the doors open] Hi, guys!
Entire Crowd: SHAYERA!
Clark Kent: That's why I like coming home for the holidays. I can just relax and be myself.
Pa Kent: Okay, everyone! I'm turning on the Christmas tree!
Clark Kent: Pa! That's my job!
[last lines; Clark and his parents listen to J'onn singing in Martian]
Clark Kent: And he said he didn't bring a gift.