[Halloween costumes; Monica's Catwoman and Phoebe's Supergirl]
Phoebe: Ah, Catwoman. So we meet again.
Monica: So we do, Supergirl.
Phoebe: [laughs] No, it's me, Phoebe.
[Ross's lame Halloween costume joke]
Mona: Oh, my god. You're Spudnik.
Chandler: [to Ross] Marry her.
Boy in the Cape: My friend told me you were giving out money.
Rachel Green: I was but now we got candy.
Boy in the Cape: I'd rather have the money.
Rachel Green: Well, that's not your choice. Happy Halloween.
Boy in the Cape: This isn't fair.
Rachel Green: Well, is it fair that all you had to do was put on a cape and I have to give you free stuff?
Boy in the Cape: Shut up.
Rachel Green: You shut up.
Boy in the Cape: You can't tell me to shut up.
Rachel Green: Uh, I think I just did. And uh oh, here it comes again. Shut up.
Joey: Uh, Rach...
Rachel Green: No. I got it. I'm good, I got it.
[back to the kid]
Rachel Green: Now I had one more thing to say to you. Oh, right. Shut up.
Boy in the Cape: You're a mean old woman.
[crying, running away]
Rachel Green: No, wait, shut up. I mean don't cry. No I'll get my check book.
[runs after the kid]
[Ross' Halloween costume]
Ross: You know that Russian satellite Sputnik? Well I'm a potato which is a spud and i have my antennas.
[Everyone glares at him like he's crazy]
Ross: Sputnik? SPUD-nik
Joey: Hey. Ross came as Doody.
[Ross and Chandler have been arm wrestling for a long time]
Mona: Wow. They must both be very strong.
Joey: Or equally weak.
Kids in the hall: Trick or Treat.
Rachel Green: Oooh, can I be with the kids right now. Ever since I got pregnant I had the strongest maternal instincts.
Kids in the hall: Trick or treat.
Rachel Green: JUST A MINUTE!
Chandler: [Ross is wearing a 'Spudnik' costume] Howdy, doodie.
Monica: Oh my god! Chandler is making his 'sex face'!
[Chandler is seen arm-wrestling Ross with a pathetic, weakening, and tense look on his face]
Ross Geller: Joey! You didn't wear a costume!
Joey: No, look!
[really boring clothes]
Joey: I'm Chandler!
[after Ross comes in dressed as a SPUDnik]
Chandler: Suddenly I don't have the worst costume anymore.
Monica: What are you?
Rachel Green: I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress because pretty soon, she won't be able to fit into it.
Monica: Oh. I'm Catwoman. Who wants to borrow the dress when you're too big for it.
Monica Geller: Hey, Ross.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Monica Geller: What are you supposed to be dressed up as?
Ross Geller: Oh, well, you remember the russian satellite Sputnik? Well I am a potato or a spud and here are my antena. so?
Monica Geller: So?
Ross Geller: I'm Spudnik. Spudnik!
Chandler: Wow, I don't have the worst costume anymore.
Rachel Green: You are so in style right now. You know, I work at Ralph Lauren and this season we have this whole equestrian thing going on. I don't suppose you've seen the cover of British Vogue, have you?
Trick or Treat Kid: Can I just have the candy?
Chandler: You came as a Slutty Nurse. Joey will be so pleased.
Mona: Actually I'm just a Nurse.
Chandler: [dressed as a massive pink bunny] You would think that would embarrass me, but I'm maxed out!
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was Brown and White!
Monica: Well, it was either a pink bunny or no bunny at all!
Chandler: No bunny at all! Always no bunny at all!
Rachel Green: [writing a check instead of giving out Halloween candy] Okay, and what's your name?
Lelani Mayolanofavich: Lelani Mayolanofavich.
Rachel Green: [pause] I'm just gonna make it out to cash.
Phoebe: [dressed as Supergirl] I'm a masseuse. You know, by day...