[Ben, Hoss and Charlie are attending a funeral]
Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: It's a doggone shame, ain't it, Charlie.
Charlie: Yep, sure is. Doc said she had pneumonia. By the time he got there, wasn't much he could do 'cept call the sheriff.
Ben Cartwright: Well, didn't anyone know she was sick?
Charlie: [indicating young Billy] First they knew was him riding all the way in to fetch the doc by himself.
Ben Cartwright: Take your feet off the table!
Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: Do either of you know how we came to be so sweet tempered when we have a grouch for a Pa?
Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: I don't know. He used to be a mite more mellower when he was younger.
Hop Sing: [to Hoss] Little boy take knife, but big boy take donut. Bad boy! Very bad boy!
Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: Pa, I've got these big hands and I can lift a hefer clear off the ground. I can lick any man I ever met. But I'd cut them both off if it made that little boy quit looking at me like he wanted to spit. Why don't God help me, Pa? Why don't He tell me what to say? Why do I have to be a... a big dumb Hoss?