Capt. Barney Miller : [a grumpy Captain Miller approaches Harris' desk] What about you? How about my arrest reports for last month?
Det. Ron Harris : I'm working on them, Barney, but I got stuck on something.
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh, what?
Det. Ron Harris : [Turning to his typewriter] Well, this: "The suspect then turned on Officer Sloane and attacked him with..." I need a word that means "savage," but in a premeditated way.
Capt. Barney Miller : Use that.
Det. Ron Harris : [Shaking his head] Too awkward.
Capt. Barney Miller : [Frustrated] This is an arrest report, not a literary masterpiece, c'mon!
Det. Ron Harris : People downtown have come to expect something more when they see my name on a report.
Capt. Barney Miller : Forget your reputation - gimme the report!
Det. Ron Harris : Okay, Barney, but I'm gonna use my psuedonym.
Capt. Barney Miller : [Addressing the elderly but feisty Mrs. Pierce] How about you, ma'am? How do you feel about it?
Mrs. Pierce : Well, I-I-I want to sign... but I'm afraid.
Capt. Barney Miller : Afraid? Of what?
Mrs. Pierce : That punk's friends. They remember somebody who squeals. Yeah, they'll come in the middle of the night, they'll tie me up, they'll tear at my clothing...!
Capt. Barney Miller : [Interrupting] Ma'am, you're letting your imagination get the better of you.
Mrs. Pierce : That's all I got left, Captain.