My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
Jenny Johnson: [after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
Matt Saunders: A bed or a penis?
Jenny Johnson: Both.
[Jenny emerges from the meteor, her powers restored]
Jenny Johnson: I thought you were just a jerk, but I didn't think you were this despicable! Teaming up with BARRY!
Jenny Johnson: [to Matt as she crushes his chest] You broke my heart! Now, I'm going to break your EVERYTHING!
Hannah Lewis: [Hannah emerges from the meteor, transformed] *HEY*! Let go of my boyfriend, you crazy BITCH!
Jenny Johnson: Bring it!
[they start fighting in mid-air]
[over the phone]
Matt Saunders: What's going on there?
Vaughn Haige: Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.
Matt Saunders: Is anyone hurt?
Vaughn Haige: I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.
Matt Saunders: All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.
Jenny Johnson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders: You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson: Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.
[after revealing her secret to Matt]
Jenny Johnson: Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."
Matt Saunders: Is that a possibility?
Jenny Johnson: Say it!
Matt Saunders: Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.
Hannah Lewis: [referring to Jenny] She sounds like a nutcase.
Matt Saunders: So you're saying she's perfect for me.
Matt Saunders: Hannah!
Vaughn Haige: Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.
Carla Dunkirk: You were staring at her butt.
Hannah Lewis: [smiling; flattered] He was?
Matt Saunders: No I wasn't...
Carla Dunkirk: Yes he was!
Matt Saunders: You're that Bedlam guy.
Professor Bedlam: Professor Bedlam.
Matt Saunders: The super villain.
Professor Bedlam: Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste.
Vaughn Haige: [Looking the word 'dick' burnt on Matt Saunders's forehead] Man! No woman's ever done that to me, and I actually am a dick.
Jenny Johnson: [to Matt Saunders ] By the way, his name's not really Bedlam. It's Barry. Barry EDward LAMbert. Bedlam, get it? Back then, we were both kind of outcasts. Everybody else hated us, they'd say, "Nerd alert! Here come the geeks." So we looked out for each other. It's only natural that we spent a lot of time together. We really liked each other. It was close to the end of our Junior year in high school, when I decided it was about time to get the whole virginity thing over with. I mean, Barry was harmless enough. I figured it might as well be him, right?
Jenny Johnson: [off screen; in a loud yell] Hey, sweetie!
[Matt looks out Hannah's window to see G-Girl hovering in front of him]
Jenny Johnson: I hate you, Matt Saunders!
[proceeds to throw a Great White shark into the apartment]
Matt Saunders: Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.
Matt Saunders: I'm not going to help you kill her!
Professor Bedlam: Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!
[the purse-snatcher runs away, having dropped Jenny's handbag]
Matt Saunders: That's right, you better run, asshole! Keep running, my man. You don't want any of this! Keep running! Yeah!
[purse snatcher comes back around the corner with a lead pipe in his hands]
Scary Dude: What'd you call me?
Matt Saunders: Holy shit!
[over the phone, as Vaughn watches G-Girl put out a fire by spinning up a whirlwind]
Vaughn Haige: It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing!
Matt Saunders: Are you serious? You lucky S.O.B., I've never seen her in person. How does she look?
Vaughn Haige: She looks...
Matt Saunders: What?
Vaughn Haige: ...blurry! But still pretty hot!
[in a dream sequence, Matt tells Vaughan G-Girl's secret identity]
Jenny Johnson: [brandishing a chainsaw] I WARNED YOU, MATT SAUNDERS!
Vaughn Haige: Oh, no no. Don't tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.
Carla Dunkirk: You are headed for some serious trouble.
Matt Saunders: I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.
[as they're floating up in the sky]
Jenny Johnson: I've always wanted to try this.
Matt Saunders: Try what?
[Jenny unzips his pants]
Matt Saunders: That. Wow. I'm not sure that's gonna work up here. It's drafty, too.
Matt Saunders: I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing.
Vaughn Haige: That's kind of my thing.
Jenny Johnson: [seductively, walking toward him slowly] Matt Saunders, I'm afraid you've been a very evil boy. I think you need to be brought to justice.
Matt Saunders: [with a big grin on his face] Oh, yeah, I have been known to break a few rules here and there.
Jenny Johnson: [still seductive] Total, unequivocal justice.
Matt Saunders: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Vaughn Haige: The ability to gratify myself orally.
Matt Saunders: Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...
Vaughn Haige: No.
Matt Saunders: Yeah.
Vaughn Haige: Not at all. Think about it.
Matt Saunders: Really? It seems that way.
Vaughn Haige: There are 3 moments I'll remember 'til the day I die. 1: the look on my father's face when I graduated from Harvard law school. 2: Helping a beached mother whale give birth. And... 3: You and me, together, here, tonight.
Shapely Bartender: Don't speak to me again... ever.