Stranger Than Fiction (2006)
Will Ferrell: Harold Crick
Harold Crick : I brought you flours.
Harold Crick : [to Ana] This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tradgedy.
Harold Crick : I may already be dead, just not typed.
Harold Crick : How are you?
Ana Pascal : I'm lousy. I'm being audited.
Harold Crick : Of course.
Ana Pascal : By a real creep too.
Harold Crick : I think I owe you an apology.
Ana Pascal : Really?
Harold Crick : IRS agents, we're given rigorous aptitude tests before we can work. Unfortunately for you, we aren't tested on tact or good manners, so I apologize.
Harold Crick : I ogled you. Sorry.
Ana Pascal : Okay, apology accepted. But only because you stammered.
Kay Eiffel : [Penny goes to answer phone] Don't answer that!
Penny Escher : Didn't you say this phone never r - ?
Kay Eiffel : Shh!
[types another sentence; the phone rings and she runs to answer it]
Kay Eiffel : Hello?
Harold Crick : Is this Karen Eiffel?
Kay Eiffel : Yes.
Harold Crick : My name is Harold Crick. I believe you're writing a story about me.
Kay Eiffel : I'm sorry?
Harold Crick : My name is Harold Crick.
Kay Eiffel : Is this a joke?
Harold Crick : No. No, I work for the IRS. My name, Miss Eiffel, is Harold Crick. When I go through the files at work I hear a deep and endless ocean.
Kay Eiffel : [gasps; drops phone in terror] Oh, G - !
Harold Crick : Miss Eiffel?
Harold Crick : What do these questions have to do with anything?
Professor Jules Hilbert : Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Harold Crick : Yes, I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Dr. Mittag-Leffler : Mr. Crick, you have a voice speaking to you.
Harold Crick : No, not to me - about me. I'm somehow involved in some sort of story, like I'm a character in my own life. But, the problem is that the voice comes and goes, like there are other parts of the story not being told to me. And I need to find out what those other parts are before it's too late.
Dr. Mittag-Leffler : Before the story concludes with your death.
Harold Crick : Yes.
Dr. Mittag-Leffler : [clears throat] Mr. Crick, I hate to sound like a broken record, but that's schizophrenia.
Harold Crick : You don't sound like a broken record, but, it's just, not schizophrenia.