Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) Poster

Chris Williams: Dwight



  • Dwight : [as Kate kisses Joyce]  I told you she was a lesbian.

    Peter La Fleur : Wow. Good call.

    Kate Veatch : Hey! I'm not a lesbian.

    Peter La Fleur : You're not?

    Kate Veatch : No. I'm bisexual.

    [kisses Peter] 

    Dwight : Oh! Snap!

  • [Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her] 

    Kate Veatch : What? Eight years of softball.

    Dwight : Man, she gotta be a lesbian.

    Peter La Fleur : She is *not* a lesbian.

    Patches O'Houlihan : All I know is, that dyke can play!

  • Dwight : We're still missing the teenage love puppy and Steve the Pirate.

    Owen : Who's Steve the Pirate?

    Dwight : The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!

    Owen : Wait, there's a guy on our team who dresses like a pirate?

  • Gordon : Hey, Honey!

    [his wife gives the "L" sign] 

    Gordon : "L" for love! Good times.

    Dwight : "L" for love? That doesn't mean love, Gordon...

    Peter La Fleur : No, it's... people have different translations for different things and that's a special bond that you have with uh... with your mail-order wife. I think that's nice. It's fine.

  • Owen : [after Patches O'Houlihan has been killed]  Look on the bright side, at least we've still got Peter!

    Dwight : Yeah, but Globo Gym's got guys named Laser, and Blazer, and Tazer, and all kinds of "azer's"! Without Patches, we're going to get our taints handed to us, that's what!

    Justin : [Whispers to Gordon]  What's a taint?

    Gordon : I don't know, but it sounds *bad*!

  • Dwight : I hope he falls off the roller coaster and breaks every bone in his body.

    Kate Veatch : Nice Dwight.

    Dwight : Hey I'm just sayin' it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray, boop, dead.

  • Owen : [after Patches got smashed with sign]  Well... it's probably the way he wanted to go...

    Dwight : ...What?

  • Dwight : We could sell blood and semen.

    [everyone gives him a strange look] 

    Dwight : What? Not mixed together.

  • Owen : I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.

    Dwight : Whatever you do, wash your hands.

  • Justin : How many teams are in this qualifier?

    Gordon : Uh, two.

    Justin : So all we have to do is beat this team and we're in the Vegas Open, right?

    Gordon : Yeah!

    Owen : That seems pretty simple.

    Dwight : Who's the other team?

    Gordon : Uh, I have it right here, just a second... Troop 417.

    Steve the Pirate : Christ! We're playin' Boy Scouts!

    Peter La Fleur : Not quite!

    [Troop 417 are tough-looking Girl Scouts; one spits on the ground] 

    Steve the Pirate : BOLLOCKS!

  • Justin : This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?

    Gordon : Average Joe's.

    Justin : Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?

    Dwight : Say what? I ain't working at no airport!

    Justin : No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?

    Steve the Pirate : Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!

  • Dwight : Bad morning boss?

    Peter La Fleur : They usually follow good nights, Dwight.

  • [before the championship game] 

    Peter La Fleur : Okay guys, let's play smart. Wait for your two-on-ones, cover closely for your pickups. What's our team motto?

    Owen : Aim low?

    Peter La Fleur : That's right. All I'm asking is that you give it your best for Patches. I say we go out there, we let it all hang loose, try to have some fun. I mean, it's only dodgeball, right?

    [Everyone laughs] 

    Peter La Fleur : Put 'em in.

    [Hands in] 

    Peter La Fleur : One, two, three...

    Peter La Fleur , Owen , Justin , Kate Veatch , Dwight , Gordon : JOE'S!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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