Justin Long: Justin
Owen : [after Patches O'Houlihan has been killed] Look on the bright side, at least we've still got Peter!
Dwight : Yeah, but Globo Gym's got guys named Laser, and Blazer, and Tazer, and all kinds of "azer's"! Without Patches, we're going to get our taints handed to us, that's what!
Justin : [Whispers to Gordon] What's a taint?
Gordon : I don't know, but it sounds *bad*!
White Goodman : Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman : Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman : And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin : [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
Justin : How many teams are in this qualifier?
Gordon : Uh, two.
Justin : So all we have to do is beat this team and we're in the Vegas Open, right?
Gordon : Yeah!
Owen : That seems pretty simple.
Dwight : Who's the other team?
Gordon : Uh, I have it right here, just a second... Troop 417.
Steve the Pirate : Christ! We're playin' Boy Scouts!
Peter La Fleur : Not quite!
[Troop 417 are tough-looking Girl Scouts; one spits on the ground]
Steve the Pirate : BOLLOCKS!
Justin : Well, it'll be worth my while when I make the cheerleading squad this time. Prove to Amber and everyone else that I'm not a loser.
Peter La Fleur : Wait, you want to make the cheerleading squad to prove to a girl that you are not a loser?
Justin : Yeah... Why?
Peter La Fleur : Nothing, just high school's changed a little since I was a kid.
Justin : This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon : Average Joe's.
Justin : Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight : Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin : No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate : Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
[before the championship game]
Peter La Fleur : Okay guys, let's play smart. Wait for your two-on-ones, cover closely for your pickups. What's our team motto?
Owen : Aim low?
Peter La Fleur : That's right. All I'm asking is that you give it your best for Patches. I say we go out there, we let it all hang loose, try to have some fun. I mean, it's only dodgeball, right?
Peter La Fleur : Put 'em in.
Peter La Fleur : One, two, three...