Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) Poster

Jason Bateman: Pepper Brooks


  • Cotton McKnight : I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.

    Pepper Brooks : It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

  • Cotton McKnight : In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.

    Pepper Brooks : He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.

  • Pepper Brooks : Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!

  • Cotton McKnight : Oh! Right in the testicles!

    Pepper Brooks : Ouchtown, population you, bro!

  • Cotton McKnight : Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a ménage à trois of pain.

    Pepper Brooks : Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.

  • Cotton McKnight : And the Average Joe's beat the Germans in a *shocking* upset.

    Pepper Brooks : I feel *shocked*.

  • Cotton McKnight : Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.

    Pepper Brooks : They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.

  • Cotton McKnight : Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!

    Pepper Brooks : Unbelievable!

    Cotton McKnight : Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!

  • Cotton McKnight : [after Average Joes dressed in S&M enters the arena] 

    [slowly takes off glasses] 

    Cotton McKnight : ... Oh... my... sweet Jesus...

    Pepper Brooks : [stares stupidly]  ... that's rad.

  • [after sudden death is announced] 

    Cotton McKnight : Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.

    Pepper Brooks : Pepper needs new shorts!

  • Pepper Brooks : [Average Joe's team comes out in S & M gear]  I feel like I'm watching a Cher video.

  • Cotton McKnight : It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.

    Pepper Brooks : I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.

  • Cotton McKnight : We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.

    Pepper Brooks : They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.

  • Pepper Brooks : Good toss by the submissive out there!

  • Cotton McKnight : Skillz might be looking past Average Joe's doing a little more dancing than dodgeballing out there.

    Pepper Brooks : They better chiggity-check themselves before they wreck themselves, Cotton.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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