EuroTrip (2004) Poster


Scott Mechlowicz: Scott Thomas



  • Scott : Let me handle this, I speak better German. Hello!

    Truck Driver : Hello!

    Scott : [in German]  My German is ill, but I can understand on you if the speaking is slowly.

    Truck Driver : [in German]  German! I have been driving for 14 hours straight and I haven't slept in three days and I am wired on schnapps, benzedrine, and those little chocolate covered peanuts.

    Cooper : What did he say?

    Scott : He said he's driving, something...

    Scott : [in German]  Do you know where is Berlin?

    Truck Driver : [in German]  Berlin? Yes, I know it well. I stabbed a woman in a bar in Berlin. But I am going nowhere near Berlin.

    Scott : Berlin!

    Truck Driver : [in German]  Berlin! I also sexually assaulted a horse in Berlin.

    Scott : He's going to Berlin.

    Jamie : Awesome.

    Truck Driver : [in German]  Nowhere near Berlin.

    Scott : All right, come on, let's go.

    [the group get in the back of the truck] 

    Truck Driver : [to self, in German]  I'll drive this truck off a cliff before I ever go back to Berlin.

  • Scott : I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!

  • [after taking a drink of Absinthe] 

    Jamie : I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything.

    Cooper : Me neither.

    Scott : Sober as a judge.

    [to a hallucinatory green fairy] 

    Scott : How about you?

    Green Fairy : I'm not feelin' a goddamn thing. This Absinthe is BULLSHIT!

  • Scott : [after being told they can get a flight to London]  Anything else?

    Cooper : Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there.

    Scott : Cooper, England's an island.

    Cooper : OK, swim, whatever. We'll take it.

  • Scott : Uh-oh.

    Jamie : What?

    Scott : Big tunnel.

    Creepy Italian Guy : [grins maniacally as the train drives into darkness] 

    Jamie : [in the commotion]  Scotty, is that you? WHO'S TOUCHING ME?

  • Scott : A dollar and 83 cents American. What are we gonna get with that?

    [cut to a lavish Slovak hotel] 

    Scott : Gotta love that exchange rate!

  • Cooper : [in London, answers his cell phone]  Cooper here. Hello Mr. Walters. Uh, yes sir, I'm down in file storage. Oh, just hang on one second.

    [lowers phone, picks teeth, puts phone back to ear] 

    Cooper : No, sir, I can't find the Goodwin file anywhere. Yes sir, I'll keep looking. I don't rest until I find it.

    [hangs up] 

    Scott : You didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?

    Cooper : They would have stopped paying me. Seemed easier.

  • Cooper : Hello Mr. Walters... I see... fired? Well, I... Well, if that's what you want, I understand... goodbye, sir.

    Scott : They had to catch you eventually.

    Cooper : No, they fired Humphrey.

    Scott : Shut up!

    Cooper : I got his office and a raise!

  • Cooper : You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright... which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures.

    Scott : You've really thaught a lot about this, haven't you?

    Cooper : It's my passion!

  • Mad Maynard : If you're Manchester United supporters, sing the Manchester United song.

    Scott : Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer...

    Mad Maynard : [slams a beer bottle on the floor]  Sing!

    Scott : [sings]  My baby takes the mornin' train. / He works from nine to five and then / he takes another home again to find me... watching the Manchester United Football Team! Ah? The best freakin' team in all the land! Woo hoo!

  • Jenny : Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore.

    Scott : Well, that's very sweet of you. Thanks.

  • Scott : I told her to keep her hands off my genitals.

    Cooper : Well given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want

  • Scott : I'm in love with my pen pal! I'm in love with Mike!

    Cooper : Okay, okay. You know what? I was actually expecting this. And frankly, listen, I'm flattered that you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, cause, eh, I think they already know.

    Scott : No, you idiot, Mike is a girl!

    Cooper : No, no, no, I get it, yeah. He's the girl, you're the girl. Sometimes you're both the girl. Right, right? That's hot. But, you know, whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it.

  • Scott : What happened to you last night?

    Jamie : I got robbed! It was awesome.

  • Jamie : [pulls out Frommer's guide book]  And I've even planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun!

    Scott : You brought a guide book to a party?

    Jamie : You wanna see my itinerary?

    Cooper : You wanna see my balls?

  • Cooper : There's got to be a hundred drunk girls here, and we should be trying to have sex with every one of them!

    Jenny : Hello. Mixed company?

    Cooper : What?

    Jenny : I'm a girl.

    Scott : No, you're not.

    Cooper : Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair.

  • Cooper : Can we please just get out of here, this guy's really creeping me out.

    Scott : Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family.

    Cooper : Hey, I really don't like him.

    Scott : Why, just because he's doing this?

    [starts acting like a robot making robot noises] 

    Cooper : Seriously, don't do that.

    Scott : [in a robot voice]  Cooper, do not hate me. I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programmed to get...

    [Robot noises] 

    Scott : Freaky.

  • Cooper : You still writing that guy? I thought that was just for German class.

    Scott : Yeah, it was at first, but you know, we're actually becoming pretty good friends. He's a really cool guy.

    [starts to type] 

    Scott : Dear Mike, greetings from your American pen pal.

    Cooper : Scotty, girl scouts have pen pals. Listen to yourself, all right? You met a "cool guy" on the Internet? This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van and make a wind chime out of your genitals.

  • [last lines] 

    Scott : [on the phone with Cooper and Jenny]  Hold on, this must be my new roommate.

    [Scotty opens the door and finds Mieke standing there] 

    Cooper : [yelling over the phone]  What's the freak look like? Is he a dork or is he cool? He better not be cooler than me. Is he bigger than me?

    Scott : I just got your last email. What are you doing here?

    Mieke : Going to college.

    Scott : You're going to college here? What dorm?

    Mieke : This one. Room 2-1-4.

    Scott : How is this possible?

    Mieke : I guess they thought I was a guy.

    Scott : Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that?

    [Scotty and Mieke kiss] 

    Cooper : [over the phone]  Do I hear kissing? Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty?

    [Scotty and Mieke fall on Scotty's bed laughing and continue to make out] 

    Cooper : Scotty? Scotty? *Scotty*!

    Green Fairy : [Green Fairy appears]  This happy ending is bullshit! When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here!

    [makes the words The End appear with his wand, flies away] 

  • Mieke : Let us make love for one whole month. Touch me, Scotty.

    Scott : Ok!

  • Scott : Which way did they go?

    Cooper : [pointing]  That way. I'd stake my reputation on it.

    Scott : Good enough for me.

    [goes the other way] 

  • Scott : What do you mean you're dumping me?

    Fiona : Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore.

    Scott : What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you!

    Fiona : I know. That's what makes this so hard.

  • Cooper : What the hell is that?

    Jamie : It's a traveler's money belt. Frommer's says as long as you have one of these, no-one can rob you of anything.

    Scott : Except your dignity.

    Jamie : No, you just put that in your... wait, what?

  • Scott : Cooper, the hat! The hat! The hat is on fire!

    Cooper : [singing]  Oh we don't need no water, let the mother-...

    Scott : I'm not kidding! Look!

  • Scott : Yeah... um, listen. We're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon?

    Tibor : Oh yes! Very soon! They are building it now!

  • Mad Maynard : Oi! This is a private members bar, exclusively for supporters of the greatest football team in the world, Manchester United, now please. Enlighten me.


    Mad Maynard : Who the fuck are you?

    Scott : Um... we're the Manchester United Fan Club... from Ohio.

  • [Cooper, in serious pain and humiliated from last night's BDSM "living nightmare", arrives to see both Scott and Jenny sitting on the bench and also humiliated from the incident at a bakery] 

    Scott : What did you do last night?

    Cooper : I don't wanna talk about it. What did you guys do?

    Scott , Jenny : Don't wanna talk about it.

    Scott : [notices the Vandersexxx t-shirt]  What is that?

    Cooper : Free t-shirt.

  • Scott : Why are you wearing my bathrobe?

    Bert : Oh, I'm sorry, but somebody *pissed* all over mine last night!

  • Cooper : Check this out! I'm the Pope!

    Scott : Cooper, take off the Pope hat!

    Cooper : Oh no, it's okay, I'm Catholic.

  • Scott , Cooper : [seeing Jamie and Jenny making out]  Oh, my God!

    Green Fairy : That is some pretty fucked-up shit right there. Can you say what the fuck did I do last night?

  • Scott : Hey, thanks for coming with me. I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer.

    Cooper : Oh, forget about the law firm. And don't thank me, I should be thanking you. This trip is a once in a life-time opportunity for me to broaden my sexual horizons.

    Scott : What are you talking about?

    Cooper : I'm talking about crazy European sex.

    Scott : Ah.

  • Scott : There are so many... penises.

    Jamie : Frommer's tried to tell you. But you just didn't listen.

    Cooper : This is the biggest sausage fest on earth!

    Scott : It's the International House of Sausage!

  • Scott : Dear sweet mother of God... we're in Eastern Europe!

  • Scott : You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies! You're a bad, bad Rastafarian.

    Rasta Waiter : These are not hash brownies.

    Scott : ...what was that?

    Rasta Waiter : We do not sell hash brownies here, we are simple Dutch bakery! Now put your clothes back on, white boy!

  • Mad Maynard : Look given the current geopolitical climate, all European countries should have a seat at the table. Except those fucking Ities, I hate them Italian bastards, know what I mean.

    Scott : Excuse me.

    Mad Maynard : Hello boyo.

    Scott : So what the hell happened last night?

    Mad Maynard : You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce son. Don't worry I come and got ya so you wouldn't miss the trip.

  • Scott : We're going to be couriers?

    Cooper : Best way to get a cheap flight. We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. My cousin did it going to India.

    Scott : Yeah?

    Cooper : Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi, and they had to cut off his leg. Heh. But he got there cheap.

  • Scott : Excuse me.

    Mad Maynard : Hello boyo!

    Scott : So what the hell happened last night?

    Mad Maynard : You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son!

  • Scott : Mieke, I'm here!

    Mieke : [walks forward with a smile]  Who are you?

  • Scott : What the fuck is a zussamen?

  • Scott : So, have you guys decided where you're gonna go first?

    Jenny : Paris! I can't wait. I heard two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister Debbie met this really wealthy French guy, and they spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. Isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard?

    Cooper : Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay.

    Jenny : It's not gay. I'm a girl.

    Scott : Kinda gay.

    Cooper : A little gay.

  • Scott : They really are the worst twins ever.

  • [repeated line] 

    Scott : I am never drinking again.

  • Scott : Let me see your phone.

    Cooper : Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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