Jiminy Glick in Lalawood (2004)
Andre Devine: I have give two blowjobs to English Insurance people, I am not homo-ist, I am man! I am on my knees like German teenager to English people with wrotten teeth in their mouths!
Andre Devine: You are a proud man, you're great black-ist, you're one of the great, you have beautiful gold things, a crown made from pants, you should be king! Are you king of the negros?
Andre Devine: No one is looking at your great performance, Why? Because you are in corner sucking on a ice statue of Ving Rhames. You are like a terrifying asian woman who is covered with piss!
Andre Devine: You are like a terrible mexican woman with a radio in her pussy!
Andre Devine: Natalie, Baby, you're a beautiful women, why do you speak? You look great. People in the room say 'look at the girl - she has wonderful tits, I go upstairs alone and I rub against things.'
Andre Devine: Quick - we have to make a tea from her own clothing.
Jiminy Glick: [voiceover while interviewing Rob Lowe] Isn't it amazing, just 6 months ago, when I was talking to Arlene Shayhee, I was so bored. Here I am talking to Brat-packer Rob Lowe...
Rob Lowe: I... me... me... I... I... me... I...
Jiminy Glick: [voiceover] ... and I'm equally bored. What have I learned, I wonder. Ah yes, celebrities can be dull.
Jiminy Glick: I'm one of those guys that needs it regular, ya know? Sometimes Dixie's awake for it, most of the time she's not.
Ben DiCarlo: Ambien and some KY, right?
Jiminy Glick: HAH! Ambien and KY! You know, for the longest time I was taking the KY orally! It's not necessary!
Andre Devine: What a crappy movie hey? I've made better shit than this, in my own toilet.
Jiminy Glick: My, that's a nice beaver.
Dixie Glick: Why, thank you.
Jiminy Glick: [Jiminy points at a stuffed beaver] No.
Dixie Glick: Oh.
Jiminy Glick: Although yours is nicely... shaped.
Andre Devine: You know Ben DiCarlo?
Miranda Coolidge: We met in Vegas at ShoWest years ago.
Andre Devine: ShoWest? A strip club? You show your puss?
Jiminy Glick: Oprah Winfrey, how do you do what you do so consistently?
Whoopi Goldberg: I stomp on everyone I can.
Jiminy Glick: And you're despised by so many. But not by me.
Whoopi Goldberg: I live for that. And remember to spell my name right. O-P-E-R-A.
Jiminy Glick: And you're Canadian, I hear. What's that about?
Kiefer Sutherland: Well this is a fantastic country. Uhm. What's that about?
Jiminy Glick: That was my question dear.
Kiefer Sutherland: I know. I'm trying to... I've never actually had to...
Jiminy Glick: Eventually the show will start. Don't you wanna just finally answer it?
Kiefer Sutherland: Yeah, what's that about? For me it's been a fantastic... it's where I come from, and it's um...
Jiminy Glick: What?
Kiefer Sutherland: Canada!
Jiminy Glick: You're Canadian? I didn't know that.
Kiefer Sutherland: Yes, it's true.
Jiminy Glick: [pointing at Toronto's C.N. Tower] That's a phallic-looking thing! Remind you of anybody?
Dixie Glick: No.
Jiminy Glick: The film, "Growing up Gandhi", ha! I loved it, as I said in my review. It's really going to be a huge success.
Ben DiCarlo: Yeah.
Jiminy Glick: And he was... Persian?
Ben DiCarlo: Indian.
Jiminy Glick: [annoyed expression] Beh. He was not "from here".
Jiminy Glick: [one of the outtakes] And you were a cheerleader.
Steve Martin: I was, in high school.
Jiminy Glick: [effeminate tone] Yoo-hoo!
Jiminy Glick: Ha ha! Everyone must've stared at ya! Talk about bein' gay!
[Steve cracks up]
Jiminy Glick: What was that about? Why wouldn't you join the team, like normal fellas? Why would you wanna get the pom-poms and go and be like a big silly "Yoo-hoo!"?
Kevin Kline: Excuse me, can I help you?
Jiminy Glick: You're just wonderful.
Kevin Kline: Well, thank you. And you are...?
Jiminy Glick: Jiminy Glick.
Kevin Kline: Jiminy?
Jiminy Glick: Jiminy Glick.
[They shake hands]
Kevin Kline: Jiminy Glick.
Jiminy Glick: I'm covering this. Some press. We're doing some interviews.
Kevin Kline: Oh, very good. You're from - you're local?
Jiminy Glick: I'm from the Middle West. Butte, Montana.
Kevin Kline: Butte, Montana?
Jiminy Glick: Yes.
Kevin Kline: And you're in Toronto?
Jiminy Glick: Well, it's so weird they sent me here...
Kevin Kline: There are no Film Festivals in Butte?
Jiminy Glick: You know, Kevin Kline, he had an attitude I didn't appreciate.
Dixie Glick: Really?
Jiminy Glick: Yes, he did.
Dixie Glick: I found him delightful.
Jiminy Glick: I loved him in "Sophie's Choice". I don't remember anything else he's done, and I told him that. And suddenly he looks at me like I'm like this idiot or this fool. And you know what? I resented that. And suddenly I decided that I hated him in "Sophie's Choice".