Fever Pitch (2005)
Jimmy Fallon: Ben
Troy : Why do we inflict this on ourselves?
Ben : Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.
Troy : Huh?
Ben : That's right. I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.
Ben : Bucky Friggin' Dent!
Lindsey Meeks : So you don't have a cell phone, a Blackberry, a pager, nothing?
Ben : No.
Lindsey Meeks : Well, what if some sudden crisis occurs, like your father has a heart attack or something?
Ben : My father died two years ago.
Lindsey Meeks : Oh, I'm sorry.
Ben : I just found out this morning, so it's been a rough 24 hours. You know, maybe I should get a cell phone. That's a good idea.
Ben : [laughs] You're funny, Ben...
Ben : Wrightman.
Lindsey Meeks : Wrightman, yeah.
Ben : You forgot my last name.
Lindsey Meeks : No, I just blanked.
Ben : I know why you forgot. It's all right.
Lindsey Meeks : I...
Ben : 'Cause I bet when you talk to your friends, you call me Ben the School Teacher.
Ben : What are you doing? You're gonna get arrested!
Lindsey Meeks : Don't sell your tickets, okay?
Ben : That's why you ran across the whole field?
Lindsey Meeks : Yes, to stop you.
Ben : What?
[a cop tries to intervene]
Lindsey Meeks : Just give me a second, just give me a second, please, please!
Ben : You gotta tell me, wait: the outfield. The grass, is it spongy?
Lindsey Meeks : Ben, focus!
Lindsey Meeks : [moans, groans] Oh, just kill me. Just take a hammer and kill me.
Ben : [rings doorbell]
Lindsey Meeks : Oh, shit. Who is it?
Ben : I-It's me, it's Ben. Your date?
Lindsey Meeks : Oh, God, no. Oh.
[unlocks, opens door]
Lindsey Meeks : I'm sick. Come back. I'll call you tomorrow.
Lindsey Meeks : Go away.
Ben : [holds door open] Wait, wait, wait. What kind of sick? Are you okay? Are you in pain?
Lindsey Meeks : I -
Lindsey Meeks : I ate at this new place. I think -
[runs to bathroom, vomits]
Ben : Are you faking it? Because we don't really have to do this if you don't...
Lindsey Meeks : [vomits] Ernie, go away. Ernie, don't eat that! Oh, shit.
Ben : So you wanna pull the plug on this thing, or - ?
Lindsey Meeks : [vomits, coughs]
Ben : You know what's really great about baseball?
Lindsey Meeks : Hmm?
Ben : You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life you don't have to be great in - business, music, art - I mean you can get lucky.
Lindsey Meeks : Really?
Ben : Yeah, you can fool everyone for awhile, you know? It's like - not - not baseball. You can either hit a curveball or you can't. That's the way it works...
Lindsey Meeks : Hmm.
Ben : You know?
Ben : You can have a lucky day, sure, but you can't have a lucky career. It's a little like math. It's orderly. Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up. It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh...
Lindsey Meeks : Life?
Ben : Yeah. It's - it's safe.
Ben : That's not Yankee dancing - that's Devil Rays dancin'!
Ben : ...you do this thing... it's so cute I wanna kill myself.
Lindsey Meeks : Did you clean up my bathroom, or did I dream that?
Ben : Me? No. The vomit elves came in. Really adorable. Really cute little things. I mean, little caps and little barf bags.
Lindsey Meeks : Well, thank you. I mean, you really, really went above and beyond.
Ben : Oh, no, please. It wasn't a big deal. I mean, you were very lady-like. Hardly any chunkage.
Ben : [confession time] The thing is, uh, I am a Red Sox fan.
Lindsey Meeks : Yeah?
Ben : No, I'm like a big, big Red Sox fan.
Lindsey Meeks : I know. I mean, I've been to your apartment, seen the Red Sox dish towels and glasses and the Yankee toilet paper. It's like you live in a gift shop.
Ben : It's worse. See, when I was a kid, I moved here from New Jersey, and I didn't have any friends or anything. So my uncle Carl started taking me to Fenway Park. And I just, I got lost in the game. I mean, the ballpark, and the people, the colors, sounds, smells. And then he got cancer and he died, and he left me his season tickets. And it's a passion. I mean, it's a very, very big part of my life. And it's been a problem with me and women.
Lindsey Meeks : Ah. Aaah. I know those women. The 'pay attention to me' and 'why aren't you talking to me?'
Ben : Yeah, exactly.
Lindsey Meeks : God, those women are so pathetic.
Ben : Yeah. It's like, 'What are you getting so worked up for? I mean, you're not even doing it, you're watching it.'
Lindsey Meeks : Yeah!
Ben : Hey, how about, sometimes I like being eleven years old.
[Ben is escorting Lindsey to her first baseball game]
Ben : It's crazy. Will you look at these seats?
Lindsey Meeks : They're, they're very red.
Ben : No, I mean, their proximity to the field! This is Fenway Park!
Lindsey Meeks : Oh.
Ben : You can't buy these seats. You have to inherit them. It's like, uh, a guy offered me a hundred thousand dollars for these once.
Lindsey Meeks : Really. And you didn't sell them?
Ben : No no no. If I ever need the money that bad, I can always call up a rich old lady and give her some sweet lovin'.
[Lindsey has bought books from the Fenway Park gift shop to learn about the Red Sox]
Lindsey Meeks : Do you believe in this? The Curse of the Bambino?
Ben : Hey, it's not funny, it's not funny.
[Ben's Fenway friends all turn to stare at her]
Lindsey Meeks : But Babe Ruth was the Bambino.
Ben : That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he played for the Red Sox; they were great. I mean, they were the Yankees.
Al : They won the World Series in 1912, 1915, 1916, 1918. They were royalty. The elite.
Ben : Al should know. He was there. Actually, he's a hundred and thirty-six years old. He looks great for his age. 1919, their miserable, greedy pig of a boss decides to sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees to finance a Broadway musical.
Teresa : 'No No Nanette'. I would never, ever see that piece of crap.
Ben : And since 1918, the Red Sox have not won a World Series. Yeah. The Yankees have won twenty-six.
[Lindsey is going through Ben's closet and seeing only Red Sox shirts]
Ben : Okay, I'm ready. Let's go meet Mom and Dad.
[She turns to see that he is wearing a shirt with ugly color designs, a black tie, khaki shorts and a jock strap over the latter]
Ben : Nothing. Not a laugh? A giggle?
Lindsey Meeks : This is not a man's closet.
Ben : What do you mean?
Lindsey Meeks : You have one pair of dress shoes. You're like a man-boy. Half man, half boy. You should see the way my sister's husband dresses. He had a professional come in and do his closet. It's like: suit, suit, suit...
Ben : All right! Okay, okay, okay. I see what this is all about. You want your parents to like me more than they like your brother-in-law.
Lindsey Meeks : No, it's not - Yes! Is it so horrible that I want my parents to like you?
Ben : [smiling] Okay. I think we have enough stuff in this closet that we can, we can fool 'em.
[after Ben and Lindsey have had a good time at Robin's birthday party and then a satisfying evening at home, Ben gets a call from Troy that the Sox defeated the Yankees]
Lindsey Meeks : Hi. Would you like an omelet?
Ben : They won.
Lindsey Meeks : The Red Sox? Oh, good! This really is your night.
Ben : No, you don't understand. They scored eight runs in the bottom of the ninth, to win 8-7. It was the best game ever. I, I can't - I never miss a game. Ever! This is like a nightmare. This is beyond - this is like a punishment from God or something.
Lindsey Meeks : [no longer smiling] Two minutes ago, you said this was the best night of your life.
Ben : Yeah; two minutes ago, it was!
Lindsey Meeks : Hey. I didn't tell you not to go.
Ben : Oh, no. No, no. Of course not! No. You had nothing to do with it. I just suddenly had a whim, after eleven years of never missing an inning, to suddenly not go to a Yankees game!
[He punches the wall, and the dog whines and hides behind the couch]
Lindsey Meeks : [getting teary-eyed] Hey. Wasn't it you yourself that said, just tonight, it's only a game?
Ben : Oh, that's great. That's great. Pile it on, yeah. Kick me when I'm down, that's great.
Lindsey Meeks : It is just a game.
Ben : Clearly it's not just a game! If it was, then obviously I wouldn't care about it this much! Twenty-three years. Do you still care about anything you cared about twenty-three years ago? How about ten? How about five? Name me a single thing that you cared about for twenty-three years.
[after Ben came to Lindsey's door and Patrick answered it]
Ben : I can't believe you're on a date! This is like...
Lindsey Meeks : I'm not.
Ben : Yeah, well, you know what? I, I'll call you. Sorry I bothered you. I'll call you.
[He turns to leave, then comes right back]
Ben : No, no, this is crazy. I'm sorry. I came here for a reason, all right? Look. I love you, Lindsey. And I think we should give this another chance.
[She looks down]
Ben : Did you hear me?
Lindsey Meeks : Ben...
Ben : Look. Look, look, look. You finish your evening, all right? I'll hang out here, and when you're done with your date, we'll get married!
Lindsey Meeks : [She smiles a bit despite herself] I don't think so.
Ben : You said you wanted more. I mean, this is as more as there is. There is no more.
Lindsey Meeks : Yes, but this isn't you. This is the other guy.
Ben : What other guy?
Lindsey Meeks : It's October. They're one game from elimination. You're becoming Winter Guy again. I already know I like Winter Guy. It's Summer Guy that broke my heart.
Ben : [sincerely] Summer Guy is gone.
Lindsey Meeks : Yes, until summer.
Ben : [to his friends on megaphone] Quick break, everybody. There's some nice Pakistani cold cuts there, courtesy of Mrs. Segal.
Carrie : OK, so I asked for no ham double turkey but it looks like they gave me double ham. Do you want me to go back?
Lindsey Meeks : Uhh, no, just toss some of it in my mouth.
Carrie : That teacher's here with those kids.
Lindsey Meeks : What?
Carrie : That teacher you talked to on the phone about coming in and having a tour...
Lindsey Meeks : Oh, oh, oh god, that's today?
Carrie : They're here.
Lindsey Meeks : Oh, no! Okay, just pretend that you're me and take them around, and,
[they're entering her office]
Lindsey Meeks : oh HI! There they are!
Ben : Ben Wrightman, we talked on the phone. Nice to meet you.
Lindsey Meeks : Yes, yes, I've been waiting for you. Hi, I'm Lindsey Meeks. Can I get anyone something to drink?
Casey : Vodka martini, straight up, three olives, please?
Ben : [smacks him] Hey, I asked you to behave.
Lindsey Meeks : Uh, are you allowed to hit them?
Ben : Yeah, actually. Do you wanna take a swipe at him? I'll hold him, c'mon.
Lindsey Meeks : Maybe later.