Lt. Randall Disher : Look who's here: "The Defective Detective."
Captain Stottlemeyer : Okay, I'll call you back. I'll call you back. Okay.
Lt. Randall Disher : St. Claire just issued another statement.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Is he blaming us?
Lt. Randall Disher : Not yet. Just rah-rah stuff. He will not be silenced, he will not be intimidated...
Captain Stottlemeyer : And he *will* be blaming us, soon enough. Everybody does sooner or later. We gotta make a statement too. Is the press here? Who's here?
Lt. Randall Disher : The girl from channel 3.
Captain Stottlemeyer : The pretty one?
[starts to check his hair]
Lt. Randall Disher : No, the other one.
Captain Stottlemeyer : It's okay.
Lt. Randall Disher : Good. Who do you want on camera?
Captain Stottlemeyer : Me. I'll do it. I think it'll reassure people to see me taking point.
Lt. Randall Disher : Yes, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Anything on the shooter? Say yes.
Lt. Randall Disher : The forensic boys are still on site, but nothing so far.
[Deputy Mayor Sheldon Burger comes in]
Lt. Randall Disher : Incoming... deputy mayor.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Oh, Sheldon Burger, who let you off your leash?
Sheldon Burger : I just came from the hospital. Bodyguard didn't make it. Mayor's on his way back from Sacramento. Look, I don't have to tell you, Captain. We're on a bus to hell.
Captain Stottlemeyer : I understand.
Sheldon Burger : If we don't slam dunk this, it's gonna look like we're not trying.
Captain Stottlemeyer : I'm not an idiot, Sheldon! I've got every available man on the case.
Sheldon Burger : No, you don't. Mayor wants you to bring in... your old friend.
Captain Stottlemeyer : [in disbelief] *Monk*?
Gavin Lloyd : No, no, no. Forget it. We're four points behind with ten days to go. I am not putting my man in a box.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Nobody wants to put anybody in a box, Mr. Lloyd.
Lt. Randall Disher : All we want to do is limit your public appearances... and not announce your schedule in advance.
Gavin Lloyd : Oh, I'm sure the mayor would love that. Maybe we should move the whole campaign and run it from the basement. How about that?
Warren St. Claire : Gavin, that's not fair. The captain's just doing his job.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Mr. St. Claire, can you think of anybody who might wish you harm? A disgruntled employee?
Miranda St. Claire : Or an ex-wife. Or a union official. I know a couple of ex-business partners... who no longer send us Christmas cards. You boys have your work but out for you.
Warren St. Claire : A man who hasn't made any enemies hasn't done squat.
Jesse Goodman : Warren, you're sure you want to go through with this? After yesterday, no one would blame you if you quit.
Warren St. Claire : Jesse, you used to say "quit" was a four-letter-word.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Excuse me. We haven't been introduced. I'm sorry. Who are you?
Jesse Goodman : Uh, Jesse Goodman. I work upstairs. Senior vice president/concerned friend.
Warren St. Claire : I couldn't make this run if Jesse wasn't upstairs minding the store. Baby.
[stands and approaches his wife]
Warren St. Claire : Do you need that?
Miranda St. Claire : Yes, I do. Somebody tried to kill my husband yesterday right in front of me.
Adrian Monk : [examining the drawstring of the window blinds in an empty apartment] He used the drawstring to steady his shot. I've seen it before in the field manual for the Green Berets, Special Forces.
Captain Stottlemeyer : It's possible.
Adrian Monk : Captain, could you grab this? It'll just take a minute. Hold this up like a rifle.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Right.
[Stottlemeyer picks up a long stick of wood and aims it out the window like a rifle. Monk sees that the end of the stick is lower than the kink in the drawstring]
Adrian Monk : How tall are you?
Captain Stottlemeyer : Six foot.
Adrian Monk : No, really.
Captain Stottlemeyer : 5'11".
Adrian Monk : Our guy was taller - 6'3", maybe 6'4", just like Santa Clara.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Just like what?
Sharona Fleming : The homicide in Santa Clara. We've been consulting on it.
Lt. Randall Disher : I read that. It's a completely different M.O.
Captain Stottlemeyer : You think there's a connection because this guy might be tall? Lieutenant, get the Warriors on the line. I want to talk to Anton Jamison, see if he's got an alibi for Thursday morning.
Adrian Monk : Captain, do you know the percentage of men over 6'3"?
Captain Stottlemeyer : No. Do you?
Adrian Monk : Maybe 0.5. The odds of two men in this city in that category, committing premeditated murder within two days of each other are astronomical.
Captain Stottlemeyer : All because of a twisted venetian-blind cord. Monk, that's a stretch, even for you.
Adrian Monk : That and he wore slippers.
[sniffs the curtains]
Adrian Monk : And he smokes Newports.
[Stottlemeyer snickers and then laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer : This isn't police work. This - This is Vaudeville.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Miranda St. Claire called the mayor personally. You couldn't just buy another key chain?
Sharona Fleming : Trudy gave it to him. It's irreplaceable.
Lt. Randall Disher : Captain, we just got the forensic report back. The bullets were hollow point, designed to deform on impact.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Those can't be traced.
Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, but we caught a lucky break. One of them was still intact. They I.D.'d the weapon. It's a Weatherby Fibermark rifle, which is British...
Adrian Monk : It's British. Long-range, preferred by mercenaries and paramilitary groups.
Lt. Randall Disher : That's right. He's right.
Captain Stottlemeyer : Well, start a list of weapons and/or ammunitions sales.
Lt. Randall Disher : Yes, sir.
Adrian Monk : Could you cross-check that against Nicole Vasques?
Captain Stottlemeyer : Who?
Sharona Fleming : The homicide in Santa Clara.
Lt. Randall Disher : Sir, your 10:00?
Captain Stottlemeyer : The cases don't overlap, Monk. She worked for the DMV. He was a candidate for mayor. She was behind on her rent, he has houses all over the world. She was stabbed. He was shot. Let it go.
Sharona Fleming : Are we gonna let it go?
Adrian Monk : Hell, no.
Sharona Fleming : What are we gonna do now?
Adrian Monk : We're gonna follow the money. Mmm! Ahh! I've always wanted to say that.