Galaxy Quest (1999)
Sigourney Weaver: Gwen DeMarco
Voice of Computer : Negative, there is no replacement Beryllium Sphere on board.
Gwen DeMarco : [to crew] No, there is no replacement Beryllium Sphere on board.
Tommy Webber : You know, that is really getting annoying!
Gwen DeMarco : [shouts] Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's *stupid*, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?
Tommy Webber : Sure, no problem.
Gwen DeMarco : Whoever wrote this episode should DIE.
Gwen DeMarco : Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy.
[Gwen and Jason encounter the chompers]
Gwen DeMarco : What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway. No, I mean we shouldn't have to do this, it makes no logical sense, why is it here?
Jason Nesmith : 'Cause it's on the television show.
Gwen DeMarco : Well forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!
[the crew is on a shuttle descending to an alien planet]
Guy Fleegman : I changed my mind. I wanna go back.
Sir Alexander Dane : After the fuss you made about getting left behind?
Guy Fleegman : Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship, and something is up there, and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy who gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.
Jason Nesmith : You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.
Guy Fleegman : I'm not? Then what's my last name?
Jason Nesmith : It's, uh, uh - -I don't know.
Guy Fleegman : Nobody knows. Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.
Gwen DeMarco : Guy, you have a last name.
Guy Fleegman : DO I? DO I? For all you know, I'm "Crewman Number Six"! Mommy... mommy...
Sir Alexander Dane : Are we there yet?
[Fred tries to digitize the pig-lizard with disastrous results]
Jason Nesmith : What? What was that?
Alexander Dane : Uh, nothing.
Jason Nesmith : I heard some squealing or something.
Gwen DeMarco : Oh, no. Everything's fine.
Teb : But the animal is inside out.
Jason Nesmith : I heard that! It turned inside out?
[the pig-lizard explodes]
Teb : And it exploded.
Jason Nesmith : Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it EXPLODED? Hello?
Gwen DeMarco : [Flipping a bit of pig-lizard off her communicator] Hold, please.
[after the Blue Creatures have eaten Limpy]
Jason Nesmith : Ok, here's the plan: first, Fred, we need a diversion to clear these things out of the compound, then Gwen, Alex, Fred and I go down to get the sphere. Any of those things come back Tommy, give a signal. Guy, you set up a perimeter.
Gwen DeMarco : Why does this sound so familiar?
Tommy Webber : "Assault on Voltarek III". Episode 81 I think.
Guy Fleegman : We're doing episode 81?
Tommy Webber : Whatever, the one with the hologram. The wall of fire.
Gwen DeMarco : How the hell is Fred supposed to project a hologram?
Guy Fleegman : We're doing episode 81, Jason?
Jason Nesmith : It doesn't have to be a hologram, just a diversion.
Guy Fleegman : Jason, are we doing episode 81 or not?
Jason Nesmith : It's a rough plan, Guy, what does it matter if we're doing episode 81 or not?
Guy Fleegman : BECAUSE I DIED... IN EPISODE 81!
Jason Nesmith : Okay Gwen, put me back on with him.
Gwen DeMarco : That's what I've been trying to tell you, Jason. You ARE back with him.
Sarris : Perhaps I am not as stupid as I am ugly, commander!
Jason Nesmith : [to Gwen] I gave you the 'kill' gesture.
Gwen DeMarco : No, you gave me the 'we're dead' signal. I was agreeing with you. Like I know where the 'hold' button is.
Gwen DeMarco : Fred, you had a part people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my BOOBS and how they fit into my suit. No one bothered to ask me what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan : You were... the umm, wait a minute, I'll think of it...
Gwen DeMarco : I repeated the computer, Fred.
Gwen DeMarco : [On the phone, discussing Jason's meltdown] I mean it Alex, I'm worried. I've never seen him lose it like that before. Not to a fan.
Sir Alexander Dane : [Alexander is alone in his apartment. He has a shower towel over his shoulder and is looking through the refrigerator. He is still wearing his alien headgear prosthetic] Gwen, I've been saying it for years. He's mentally unstable.
Laredo : Exiting the time knot now, Sir.
Tech Sgt. Chen : We're alive.
Laredo : We made it, Commander. We made it.
Dr. Lazarus : By Grabthar's hammer, we live to tell the tale.
Voice of Computer : Systems registering functional.
Lt. Tawny Madison : All systems are working, Commander.
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart : I don't like it. It was too easy.
Laredo : Wait. Oh, no! They're everywhere. There are time knots opening everywhere.
Lt. Tawny Madison : A trap!
Dr. Lazarus : We're surrounded, Commander.
[crew screaming as the ship is hit]
Tech Sgt. Chen : It's a core meltdown, sir. It can't be stopped.
Dr. Lazarus : Surrender may be our only option.
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart : No! Never give up, never surrender.
Laredo : Your orders, sir?
Laredo : Sir, your orders?
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart : Activate the Omega 13.
[?to be continued? appears on the screen]
Gwen DeMarco : I remember that sound. That's a bad sound.
Gwen DeMarco : Ducts? Why is it always ducts?
Gwen DeMarco : [after going through the chompers] Whoever wrote this episode should die!
Gwen DeMarco : [after seeing the chompers] Well, screw *that*!
Gwen DeMarco : [after Jason leaves for the ship] Wait! We want to go, too.
Laliari : You all wish to go to the ship?
Gwen DeMarco : Yes, we wish to go to the ship. See we work together or not at all!
Laliari : Wonderful. The captain had me continue transmission in case you changed your minds.
[speaking into her vox]
Laliari : Protector, requesting four pods...
Guy Fleegman : [Interrupts] Oh, me too!
Laliari : Five pods for immediate departure.
Gwen DeMarco : [after the pods appear on the ground] Guys... Guys?
Laliari : I look forward to meeting you all in person. End transmission.
[bows to the crew members and disappears]
Gwen DeMarco : [backstage at the convention] I mean, this is unreal. They're gonna start eating each other out there.
Gwen DeMarco : Jason, we are actors, not astronauts.