Get Real (1998)
Linda's Brother: Linda. Mom says if you don't come in for your tea now, she'll give it to the dog.
Linda: OK, OK.
Steven Carter: You haven't got a dog.
Linda's Brother: Well, We'll get one.
John Dixon: Listen... if you tell anyone, it's off. If anyone even starts to suspect, it's off!
Steven Carter: [eagerly] It's on then is it?
John Dixon: Of course it's on. I... I like you a lot.
Steven Carter: What about Christina?
John Dixon: No contest, you're a better kisser!
Steven Carter: Promise?
John Dixon: Promise
[Steven kisses John on the cheek]
[after Steven Carter tells him he's gay]
John Dixon: Well fuck me! No, no, I don't mean... I just mean... fuck me... but not... well what I mean is...
Kevin: Weren't you listening in there, Jes? Careful, you don't know what you might catch. Forget him. He's a...
Jessica: He's a what? Poof? Queer? Faggot? Anything else you can think of?
Steven's Mother: I'll tell you what else he is. He's my son, and I'm very proud of him. And if you do anything to hurt him, I'll have your bollocks for earrings.
John Dixon: [upon seeing Steven's wall covered in pictures of male soccer players] I didn't take you for a football fan.
Steven Carter: [smiles slyly] I'm not.
John Dixon: What do you mean, not a... oh.
John Dixon: Fag?
Steven Carter: W-what?
John Dixon: I mean, uh...
[holds out cigarette]
Steven Carter: Oh. Um. Sure.
Linda: ...the woods? Steve, you did it in the woods? You could have been...
Steven Carter: ...what? Queer-bashed by squirels?
Steven Carter: [telling John about when he first realized he was gay] When I was in the cubs there was this porn mag being passed around and all the other kids were deciding which girl they liked and stuff... and this other kid, he whispers to me, "I don't know what all the fuss is about, I'd rather see another boy's willy anytime!" so I said, "So would I!"
[both boys laugh]
Steven Carter: School full of tossers.
Linda: Oh I bet you fancy half of them.
Steven Carter: No way.
Linda: Not even him? John Dixon. He's sex on legs.
Steven Carter: [sighs] I know... Every time I see his "Head Boy" badge I wish it was an invitation!
Linda: Sure wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits.
Steven Carter: Eleven. That's how old I was when I discovered masturbation.
Steven Carter: Mind you it was another three years before I realized I could do it on my own.
Steven Carter: It's only love. What's everyone so scared of?
Steven Carter: Hate me, loathe me, detest me - just faint!
[while dancing with Linda at the ball, Steven gazes into John Dixon's eyes and gets excited. Linda notices]
Linda: Now don't you start!
Steven Carter: I'm sorry, I was thinking of someone else.
[while Watching John Dixon practice his relay starts]
Wendy: Romeo, Romeo, cover me in honey and suck it off with a straw.
Wendy: God. He's perfect.
Jessica: Fancy him do you?
Wendy: He can pass me his baton any day.
Mark: She seems quite distant sometimes. It's killing me. We're talking permanent erection here. There's a medical term for that. Isn't there?
Steven Carter: Uh, Yeah..."Sad Bastard"
Steven Carter: I came late to sex. I was nearly ten. That's when my friend Mark Watkins told me how babies were made.
Young Steve: Really? Are you sure?
Young Mark: Yeah. Honest. I saw it on one of my dad's videos.
Steven Carter: For over a year after that I thought babies were made when two women tied a man to a bed and covered his willy with ice cream.
John Dixon: [after propositioning Steven in a public bathroom] God, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
Steven Carter: [smiles] Here, it's usually a case of who came over you.
Kevin: [to Steve] Oi, Carter! Not exactly an oil painting is she?
Linda: No, she's cuddly. And until a few seconds ago, you assumed that because I'm a fat girl instead of some slim oil painting, I'd be gagging for a quick one in the doorway of Toys R Us! I can just imagine sex with you! Pathetic fumbling to find the bra strap, the slobbery kisses, belching into some poor girl's mouth because you had too much chili sauce on your kabab. And then, the main event which is either over in seconds or not at all because you're too fucking pissed!
Kevin: So I take that as a definite no?
Linda: Take it up your bum!
Jessica: It's not a gay story, it's a pervert story.
Kevin: What's the difference?
Wendy: You're not gay and you're a pervert.
John Dixon: You need a shave.
Steven Carter: I shaved last month.
Steven Carter: [John laughs]
Dave: Well, you don't look at the mantle piece when you're poking the fire, do ya?
Kevin: What happens if you're poking the mantle piece?