Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)
Bruce Willis: John McClane
Zeus : Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane : Guy back there called you Jésus.
Zeus : He didn't say Jésus. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane : Zeus?
Zeus : Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane : No, I don't have a problem with that.
[McClane and Zeus are arguing over how to solve the water jug problem at the water fountain in the park]
John McClane : I'll put my foot up your ass, you dumb, mother...
Zeus : Say it! Say it!
John McClane : What?
Zeus : You were gonna call me a nigger, weren't you?
John McClane : No I wasn't!
Zeus : Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?
John McClane : Asshole! How's that, asshole!
[about to call Simon with the answer to another riddle]
Zeus : No, wait, wait! It's a trick. It's a trick.
John McClane : What d'you mean?
Zeus : I forgot about the man.
John McClane : What man? Fuck the man! We got ten seconds here!
Zeus : He said, "how many were going to St. Ives," right? The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!" The guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane : What are they doing?
Zeus : Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moor! How the hell should I know?
John McClane : Yippie-kai-yay motherfucker.
Inspector Cobb : [to Simon] I can appreciate your feelings for McClane. But believe me, the jerk isn't worth it. He's stepped on so many toes in this department, by this time next month he's gonna be a security guard. His own wife wants nothing to do with him, and he's about two steps shy of becoming a full-blown alcoholic.
John McClane : [whispering] One step, *one* step.
John McClane : [running to get to the payphone in the park] You know this guy Simon we're talking to?
Zeus : Yeah.
John McClane : I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed off about it.
Zeus : Wait a minute. You mean to tell me I'm in this shit 'cause some white cop threw some white asshole's brother off a roof?
John McClane : [while arguing over the water jug problem at the park's fountain] I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me 'cause you're a racist!
Zeus Carver : What?
John McClane : You're a racist! You don't like me 'cause I'm white!
Zeus Carver : I don't like you because you're gonna get me *killed*!
Zeus : [slowly walking up to John, seeing the billboard his wearing has an offensive phrase towards African Americans] Morning.
John McClane : Good morning.
Zeus : You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.
Zeus : Hey! I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they will kill you, you understand? You are about to have a very bad day.
John McClane : Tell me about it.
John McClane : [to terrorists in a tunnel] Hi, fellas. Mickey O'Brien, aqueduct security. Hey, listen, we got a report of a guy coming through here with, uh, eight reindeer.
[shoots the terrorists]
John McClane : Yeah, they said he was a jolly, old, fat guy with a snowy, white beard. Cute little red and white suit. I'm surprised you didn't see him.
John McClane : [about to enter the subway station to answer Simon's call on time] Listen, you fail I cover your ass. I fail you cover my ass!
Zeus Carver : [still sitting in the stolen cab] And if we both fail?
John McClane : [entering the subway station to answer Simon's call on time] Then we're both fucked!
Simon Gruber : [as McClane answers the pay phone] "Birds of a feather, flocked together, so do pigs & swine. As nice as their chance as well as I had mine."
John McClane : Nice. Rhymes.
Simon Gruber : Why was the phone busy, who were you calling?
John McClane : [Sarcastically] The psychic hotline.
Simon Gruber : I advise you to take this more seriously.
John McClane : Hey, this is public phone. What do you want me to say?
Simon Gruber : [Slightly annoyed] You can simply say that there was a fat woman on it and it took you a minute to get her off.
[Both McClane and Zeus give shocked faces]
Simon Gruber : Now, there's a significant amount of explosive in the trash receptacle next to you. Try to run, and it goes off now.
John McClane : We're not going to run, but I got a hundred people out here.
Simon Gruber : *That's* the point. Now, do I have your attention? "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with 7 wives, every wife had 7 sacks, every sack had 7 cats, every cat had 7 kittens, kittens, cats sacks and wives. How many were going to St. Ives? My number is...
John McClane : [Interrupting] Woah, whoa wait a minute I didn't get all that. Say it again.
Simon Gruber : Not a chance. My number is 555 and the answer. Call me in 30 seconds or die.
Zeus : [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] Damn McClane, you know I was just starting to like you.
John McClane : Yeah, well don't, I'm an asshole.
Zeus : What are you talking about, now?
John McClane : I lied to you, Zeus.
Zeus : About what?
John McClane : You remember, I said Weiss found that bomb up in Harlem?
Zeus : Yeah.
John McClane : They found it down in Chinatown.
Zeus : Oh. Oh, now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you. That's low.
John McClane : I told you I was an asshole.
Zeus : That's it!
John McClane : What?
Zeus : Hillary Clinton. The 42nd President.
John McClane : Nah, she'd be the 43rd President.
Zeus : Alright, alright. But who's the 21st President?
John McClane : I don't know.
Zeus : You don't know?
John McClane : No, I don't know! Do you know?
Zeus : No!
John McClane : Well?
John McClane : [after realizing that all of the city's cops are busy searching schools for Simon's bomb] What is it that Wall Street doesn't have?
Zeus : What, is this shit catching? You're talking in riddles!
John McClane : No, man, stay with me, what is it that Wall Street doesn't have?
Zeus : What?
John McClane : Schools. And what is it they've got a shitload of?
Zeus : [looking at the Federal Reserve Building] What?
Zeus : [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] If I hadn't've saved your fuckin' ass, I wouldn't be sittin' here with you about to blow up with 100 billion dollars in fuckin' gold.
John McClane : Yeah, well, I got some bad news, you're only gonna blow up with me.
Zeus : What?
John McClane : No gold on this boat.
Zeus : How do you know that?
John McClane : Cuz I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up 100 billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did.
John McClane : Oh, shit.
Zeus : What? *What*?
John McClane : I left Holly hanging on hold.
Zeus : Ah, call her back.
John McClane : Uhh, she's gonna be pissed.
Zeus : She'll get over it.
John McClane : I don't know, Zeus. Like I said, she's a very stubborn woman.
Zeus : She'd have to be to stay married to you.
FBI Agent Andy Cross : [showing pictures inside the police van] Do you recognize this guy?
John McClane : No.
FBI Agent Andy Cross : How 'bout this one?
John McClane : Mm-mm.
FBI Agent Andy Cross : How 'bout you?
[Zeus shakes head]
FBI Agent Andy Cross : Did you recognize the voice on the phone?
John McClane : No.
FBI Agent Andy Cross : Did you, uh, notice any cars following you?
John McClane : No.
Bill Jarvis, from Another Organization : Anybody following you at all? Any kind of surveillance, telephone, house, anything unusual at all?
John McClane : Well, now that you mention it, I have experienced a, you know, like a burning sensation between my toes. I thought it was just some athlete's foot or something.
Charles Weiss : [coming into Walter's office] A nut who knows a lot about bombs. We found this in a playground. Professional. Very cool stuff. You know...
[thuds the bomb on Cobb's desk]
Charles Weiss : Boom!
Inspector Cobb : You think you should slam it around like that, Charlie?
Charles Weiss : It's unmixed. You can't hurt it. This stuff is cutting edge. It's a binary liquid.
Inspector Cobb : A what?
Charles Weiss : Like epoxi. Two liquids.
[puts a dab of the clear liquid on Cobb's desk]
Charles Weiss : Now, either one by itself,
[hits it with his shoe]
Charles Weiss : you got nothing. But, mix them...
[swirls a paper clip in both liquids and throws it at a chair, the mixture explodes violently knocking the chair across the room]
Connie Kowalski : [yelling] Charlie, you're gonna be wearin' that chair up your ass!
Inspector Cobb : [yelling] Christ almighty, Charlie!
Charles Weiss : Like I said very cool stuff. Now, with a package like this, you get a warning. Now, the bomb has to arm itself. You'll see the red liquid pump into the clear before it detonates.
John McClane : How long before?
Charles Weiss : Ten seconds, two minutes, it could be anything. But, once it's mixed, be somewhere else.
John McClane : [referring to the dispatcher for the Coast Guard, he attempted to call] She told me to stay on the line.
Simon : [laughs] Oh, God, I love this country!
John McClane : You know, your brother was an asshole.
Simon : [pauses] Ha!
John McClane : You know, he really was an asshole.
Simon : He was. He was an asshole. You... you got his number.
John McClane : I want you to get a hold of a guy named Cobb. Walter Cobb. C-o-b-b. He's the head of my police unit. Get him down here. Find him. Tell him you were with John McClane. And tell him to find out who the 21st president was.
Jerry Parks : Chester A. Arthur.
John McClane : What?
Jerry Parks : Chester A. Arthur. 1881 to 1885. Nominated vice-president in 1880. Did you know he was Collector of Customs right here in New York?
John McClane : [smiles] No, I didn't know that, Jerry. Take care of yourself.
Simon : [over the phone in Walter's office] Simon says, McClane and the Samaritan will go to the subway station at 72nd and Broadway. I will call you in 15 minutes on the payphone outside the station. No Police. Failure to answer will constitute noncompliance. Do you understand me, John?
John McClane : Oh, yes, I understand. I understand that you're a fuckin' wacko who likes to play kids' games. That's what I understand.
Simon : Hardly.
John McClane : [imitating Simon, over the phone] Hahdly? Well, then, who are you? Somebody I sent up? What'd you do? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?
[pauses and puts hand over the receiver]
John McClane : Cross-dressing? What?
Simon : You c-c-c-couldn't catch me if I stole your ch-ch-chair with you in it!
John McClane : My ch-ch-ch-chair with me in it? That's very exciting. Let me ask you a question, bonehead. Why are you trying to k-k-k-k-kill me?
Dr. Schiller : They want you to know who's doing it to you. So this name Simon is probably not an alias. It's probably Simon or some variation.
Joe Lambert : [reading a rap sheet] Simon, Robert E. Busted in '86. Extortion. Kidnapping. 10 to 15. Did 7 years for good behavior. Released on a state work furlough two months ago.
Inspector Cobb : Check it.
John McClane : [Rick tosses something to John] Thanks, Rick. Bob Simon was a bankrupt businessman who kidnapped his partner's daughter. He's a fuck-up, not a psycho. The guy we're looking for is nuts.
[about to jump onto a subway train]
John McClane : This is a bad idea.
[Simon is in one of the dumptrucks driving gold through the unfinished aqueduct]
Simon : [on a phone] Rear guard, you can close up now.
[pauses, not getting an answer]
Simon : We've reached the dam, you can come up now.
Simon : Nils? You can close in now. Nils?
John McClane : [on the guard's phone] Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, fuck-head. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys down at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.
Simon : [on the phone] John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billon dollars worth in gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?
John McClane : [on the phone] Yeah, I got a deal for you. Crawl out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
Simon : [on the phone] How colorful.
John McClane : [taking aim at a electrical extension wire that will get tangled into Simon's helicopter's propellers ] Say hello to your brother.
John McClane : I had no idea Canada could be this much fun.
John McClane : Who do you think you are? Hillary Clinton?
John McClane : [to Zeus, driving in a stolen business man's car, about to swing 180 degrees to try to knock the terrorist's pick up truck off the road] Listen to me. Hang the fuck on, all right?
John McClane : Hot in here, or am I just scared to death?
John McClane : Hey dickhead! Did I come at a bad time?
John McClane : [to Zeus] This guy doesn't care about skin color. Even if you do.
John McClane : I got a bad fuckin' hangover...