Star Trek: Voyager (1995–2001)
Ethan Phillips: Neelix
Neelix : I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Vulcan Rumarie?
Tuvok : The Rumarie is an ancient pagan festival.
Neelix : Full of barely-clothed Vulcan men and women, covered in slippery Rillan grease, chasing one another.
Tuvok : That has not been observed for a millennium.
Neelix : Well, it's time to bring it back!
B'Elanna Torres : [over the com] Lieutenant Tuvok, report to engineering.
Tuvok : Acknowledged.
Neelix : [shouting after Tuvok] I've been thinking of a Rumarie theme for the mess hall next week. Lots of high-fat, greasy foods, and if people want to take off their clothes and chase one another... Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt morale around here.
Neelix : Why don't we sing a song while we toil, hm? It'll cheer you up. Now, I've been studying Vulcan music. Do you know that lovely tune that starts "Oh starless night of boundless black...
Tuvok : That "lovely tune" is a traditional funeral dirge.
Neelix : I know. But it was the, er... the most cheerful song I could find in the Vulcan database.
Neelix : [broadcasting to the whole crew] Good morning, Voyager. I want to tell you about a friend of mine. I first met this man almost a year ago, and to tell you the truth, I didn't like him much. He seemed a little too cocky, little too sure of himself. A lot of people had questions about him. He'd proven he'd pretty much sell himself out to the highest bidder, go wherever the wind blew him. So, people wondered... could you trust this person when things got tough? Would he stand side by side with you, or would he let you down, when you needed him most? But the fact of the matter is - he proved himself right from the beginning. I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for him... and the same goes for many of you. It took me a while to realise it. Like a lot of people, I was too caught up in first impressions to see the truth that was right in front of me. I overlooked his bravery because I was focusing on his brashness. I ignored his courage because I saw it as arrogance. And I resented his friendliness because I mistook it for licentiousness. So, while this man was giving us his best every minute of every day, I was busy judging him. And now, he's leaving. I'm proud to say that in spite of my narrow-mindedness, Thomas Eugene Paris became my friend. I'm gonna' miss him. No more laughs over a game of pool. No more sitting up into the wee hours swapping stories. No more complaints about my cooking. Goodbye, Tom. I think I speak for more of us than you might imagine when I say you're gonna leave an empty space when you go. I hope you find what you're looking for.
[Neelix is throwing assorted cooking implements at an invading Kazon soldier]
Neelix : I hope that crushed your skull, Kazon pus-hog!
B'Elanna Torres : [while in the Mess Hall] Its the pylon again. Every time we get close to crossing the threshold... the subspace torque rips the nacelle off the shuttle.
Harry Kim : What about a duranium alloy? We could try using it to reinforce...?
B'Elanna Torres : No, I've thought about that already. It's too brittle.
Neelix : [Neelix comes over to they're table, which is covered with technical PADD's] More coffee?
[they all lift they're mugs]
Neelix : Ah... you look like a happy bunch.
Harry Kim : We've hit a wall.
Neelix : Oh, well... maybe I can help?
Tom Paris : Great! You know anything about quantum warp theory or multispectral subspace engine design?
Neelix : No, but I'm a quick study.
[takes a seat]
Neelix : What are we working on?
B'Elanna Torres : [she thinks this problem is out of Neelix's league] Do you have anything to eat?
Neelix : Er, sure. There are some Kalavian biscuits somewhere in the kitchen.
B'Elanna Torres : I guess I'll go find them myself.
B'Elanna Torres : Fill em' in.
Harry Kim : [clears his throat, trying to phrase this delicately] Neelix, it would take too long to...
Neelix : What are you saying? I'm not smart enough? I'll have you know I did two years as an engineer's assistant aboard a Trabalean freighter. I'm well versed in warp theory.
Tom Paris : Ok. Ok. We'll tell you. We're trying to break the maximum warp barrier.
Harry Kim : Nothing in the universe can go warp 10 - it's a theoretical impossibility. In principle, if you were ever to reach warp 10, you'd be travelling at infinite velocity.
Neelix : Infinite velocity? Got it! So... that, that means... very fast?
Tom Paris : [that is an understatement] It means that you would occupy every point in the universe simultaneously. In theory, you could go any place in the wink of an eye. Time and distance would have no meaning.
Harry Kim : If Voyager achieved warp 10... we could be home in as long as it takes to push a button.
Neelix : Wow! And you're working on this?
Tom Paris : We discovered a new form of dilithium in the asteroid field we surveyed last month. It remains stable at a much higher warp frequency.
Harry Kim : The problem is... every time we simulate crossing the transwarp threshold... the nacelles get torn off the ship.
Neelix : I remember there was a time when I lost a warp nacelle going through a dark matter nebula.
Tom Paris : This is a very different problem.
Neelix : I realise that. I'm just using it as an example. As the ship went through the nebula, it sent out a dark matter bow wave. Eventually, so much pressure built up it tore the nacelle from its housing. Now, maybe the same thing is happening to you?
[that's got Tom thinking about something]
Harry Kim : No, the simulations don't indicate any kind of subspace stress in the nacelles.
Tom Paris : Wait a minute. What about the shuttle itself?
Harry Kim : What do you mean?
Tom Paris : [getting excited] Maybe we've been looking in the wrong place? What if the nacelles aren't being torn from the ship? What if the ship is being torn from the nacelles?
Harry Kim : The hull of the shuttle is made of tritanium alloy. At the speeds we're talking about... that alloy could depolarise...
Tom Paris : ...and create a velocity differential. The fuselage would be travelling at a faster rate of speed than the nacelles.
Harry Kim : [Tom's enthusiasm is catching] That means we just have to set up a depolarisation matrix around the fuselage.
Tom Paris : That's it! Neelix, you're a genius!
[they both give Neelix a pat on the back before leaving the Mess Hall]
Neelix : [to himself] I have no idea what they just said.
[Neelix passes B'Elanna on his way back to the kitchen, taking a biscuit from the tray she's holding, leaving her wondering what went on while she was gone]