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Stephnie Weir: Various, Dr. Kylie Johnson, Bree Van De Kamp



  • Aunt Noreen : Happy Birthday, Stuart! Do you remember which aunt I am?

    Stuart Larkin : The alcoholic?

    Aunt Noreen : No...

    Stuart Larkin : The one who lives with her "FRIEND", Linda?

    Aunt Noreen : No...

    Stuart Larkin : Then you must be the ugly one.

    Doreen Larkin : Stuart, apologize to your Aunt Noreen!

    Stuart Larkin : I'm sorry you're ugly.

  • Dot : I learned a secret in school: lmnop isn't one letter, it's like - seven or ten!

  • [in a remake of the Helen Keller movie] 

    Helen's Caretaker : Helen, your new teacher is here. Oh I forgot, you're deaf.

  • [at a Jamba Juice-like store] 

    Customer : I can't believe you don't have a problem with what you did.

    Cloret : And I can't believe you just spent $6 on some orange juice that took a trip around the blender with ice.

  • Mrs. Campbell : Now see, that is why I never did buy a gun is because I just don't think shooting yourself sounds like any fun!

    Man : Lady, I didn't do it on purpose.

    Mrs. Campbell : You didn't? Well, now, let me ask you a question... do you have a television?

    Man : Yes.

    Mrs. Campbell : Have you ever seen this TV show? It's called "The News"...?

  • Dot : Look how little my gloves are!

  • Dot : My dream is to go swimming in my Hallowe'en costume.

  • Mrs. Campbell : That is so awful for your father to be dying of cancer. It's just horrible. Now... can I ask you a question? Was he a smoker?

    Daughter : Um, yes. Yes, he was.

    Mrs. Campbell : Well then I just don't understand how he could be surprised. I mean it says it right there on the side of the box, doesn't it? "Smoking Causes Cancer." I know 'cause I've seen it on there. Now... can I ask you a question? Can your father read?

    Daughter : Of course he can read!

    Mrs. Campbell : Well, I just thought maybe he was illiterate and that was why he was surprised when he got cancer. Because it does say right there on the box...

  • Anna Nicole Smith : [in reference to her chest]  Do you like Mama's meatbags baby?

    Anna's Son : Mom?

    Anna Nicole Smith : You get old enough I'm gonna letcha touch em'

  • Dr. Kylie : If you married Darth Vader, you would be Ella Vader.

  • Girl in Tow Truck : I'm an only child, and I always wanted to be a part of a big family.

    Depressed Persian Tow Truck Man : Then you are stupid.

  • Fantana 1 : It's so hot...

    Fantana 2 : And hard to think!

    Fantana 3 : Don't you want a Fanta?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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