What About Bob? (1991)
Richard Dreyfuss: Dr. Leo Marvin
Dr. Leo Marvin : Are you married?
Bob Wiley : I'm divorced.
Dr. Leo Marvin : Would you like to talk about that?
Bob Wiley : There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.
Dr. Leo Marvin : [pause] I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?
Bob Wiley : You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?
Dr. Leo Marvin : It's exceptionally rare.
Bob Wiley : Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, BITCH!
Dr. Leo Marvin : Why exactly are you doing this?
Bob Wiley : If I fake it, then I don't have it.
Dr. Catherine Tomsky : If you want to be rid of him, just tell him you won't treat him anymore.
Dr. Leo Marvin : Catherine, that's easy for you to say. The man is, is like, like human Krazy Glue!
Dr. Catherine Tomsky : You should never have let him sleep in your pajamas, Leo.
Dr. Leo Marvin : I can't believe that I'm hearing this!
Dr. Catherine Tomsky : Relax, Leo.
Dr. Leo Marvin : I'm relaxed!
Dr. Catherine Tomsky : Take a vacation.
Dr. Leo Marvin : I'M ON VACATION!
Dr. Catherine Tomsky : Maybe you should check in here for a few days. Get a handle on things!
Bob Wiley : [riding in Leo's car, speaking as Leo drives] It was an interesting morning, fruitful. But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together, the sparks that we get one-on-one. We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule. Could we work afternoons? Two to four? Three to five? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?
Dr. Leo Marvin : AHHHHHH!
[slams the brakes, gets out of the car, walks around, and opens Bob's door]
Bob Wiley : Are you saying you'd rather work mornings?
Dr. Leo Marvin : [nearly incomprehensible] GET OUTTA THE CAR!
Bob Wiley : Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea, cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvic discomfort.
Dr. Leo Marvin : So the real question is, what is the crisis Bob? What is it you're truly afraid of?
Bob Wiley : What if my heart stops beating? What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find it, and... my bladder explodes?
Dr. Leo Marvin : You understand, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.
Bob Wiley : I will.
Dr. Leo Marvin : No, you won't. You're just *saying* you will! But then, after I don't kill you, you'll show up again. And you'll do something else to make everyone in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a schmuck. But I'm not a schmuck, Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and take my family away from me, just because you're crazy enough to be *fun*.
Dr. Leo Marvin : On Wednesday we'll eat Gil... on Thursday we'll eat Bob! Ha ha ha, no no no, that's going too far.
[Leo is splattered with mud by a passing car]
Dr. Leo Marvin : Oh, damn... Son-of-a-bitch-and-BOB!
Minister : Bob Wiley, would you have Lily Marvin to be your beloved wedded wife, to cherish and love till death do you part?
Bob Wiley : I do.
Minister : Lily Marvin, would you have Bob Wiley to be your beloved wedded husband, to cherish and love till death do you part?
Lily Marvin : [smiling] I do.
[Bob heaves a sigh of relief. Bob and Lily smile at one another]
Minister : If anyone wishes to express why these two shouldn't join together in matrimony... speak now, or forever hold your peace.
[the catatonic Leo jiggles his head and makes throaty sounds. No one notices, even Bob, who is looking around]
Minister : Then, By the power invested in me and the state of New York. I pronounce you, man and wife.
Dr. Leo Marvin : [suddenly stands up and shouts] NO!
Siggy : [excitedly shouts] Dad's back!
Anna Marvin : Daddy!
Lily Marvin : Leo!
Lily Marvin : [rushing over] Leo!
[the family surrounds the recovered Leo as everyone applauds]