Harley Jane Kozak: Susan
Susan Buckman Merrick : [after breaking the lock on Gary's bedroom door and searching it, Helen finds some sex tapes and plays one - graphic sex sounds from the television as Susan and Grandma enter the room] Helen? Oh, the door was unlocked.
[sees the sex action on the television]
Grandma : What channel is this?
Helen : No Gran, this is a tape.
Grandma : [to Susan] She needs a man... Now!
Helen : Gran, this isn't mine. I don't watch this!
Grandma : [to Susan again as they are leaving the room and speaking of the sex action on the television] One of those men reminded me of your Grandpa. God bless him!
Nathan : [after inspecting Susan's diaphragm and finding a hole] Well?
Susan Buckman Merrick : Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?
Nathan : To check. To see if it's OK. You didn't know I did that, did you?
Susan Buckman Merrick : No.
Nathan : Obviously not or you wouldn't have tried this.
Susan Buckman Merrick : Are you accusing me of making that hole?
Nathan : No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom, opened the drawer with his little wing and pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm!
Susan Buckman Merrick : [as her husband surprises her by serenading her in the middle of her lesson] Nathan, we're trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs.
Nathan : What are you so upset about?
Susan : Nathan, she's weird. She's a weird child. I think a few days a week of preschool could be very helpful.
Nathan : This is not the right age for Patty to be socially activated. We went through this.
Susan : She's not a bomb, she's a little kid who has no ability to relate to other little kids.
Nathan : [points at Justin] You want her to relate to him?
[Justin currently has his head stuck in the back of a sun lounger]
Justin : Help, help, help.
Susan : You see, when I met him, I was a little wild, I was a little out of control and he kind of... took me in hand. I liked that. He's very... commanding. He got me into teaching, he got my shit together. Boy, he really turned on.
Karen : [incredulous] Really?
[changes her tone of voice]
Karen : I-I mean, uh, of course. Really?
Susan : Oh, Nathan and I used to be hot. I know he doesn't look it but, I mean, we were like rabbits. I used to give him... you know... oral, you know... on the highway.
Karen : What?
Susan : You know, he was always trying to get a research grant.
Karen : And you thought that would help?
Susan : No. But, I mean, he kept getting turned down and he'd get real, real tense. So, if I saw him getting, you know, really tense, I'd just... lean over while he was driving and, uh...