Bobcat Goldthwait: Zed
Zed : Gene, Gene made a machine, and Joe, Joe made it go. Art, Art blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart.
Zed : [singing along] It's getting to the point now when I'm with you, I no longer want to have something stuck in my eye... Your mother, my mother ain't never looked like Florence Henderson...
[Capt. Harris sees Zed and Laura goofing off in front of the academy pool]
Captain Harris : [on the bullhorn] What the hell is this, cadets in heat?
Zed : No, we were, like, just talking.
Captain Harris : Oh, well, "just, like, talk" somewhere else. This is not a spawning pool. I want discipline. Do I make myself clear, Zed?
[back on the bullhorn; screams]
Captain Harris : DISCIPLINE!
Zed : Jerk!
Captain Harris : [screams again] WHAT?
Laura : [defends Zed] He said, "bye".
[Harris, convinced that that's what Zed "thought" he said, proceeds away from them]
Zed : [to Laura] No, I said-I said, "jerk". I think I was pretty clear. I said "jerk".
Laura : [agrees] Jerk. Mm-hmm.
Zed : [teaching a class to the cadets] Cadets, I'd like now to discuss with you something that will be vital for you to know when you're, like, out there on the job as a police officer, and that's the correct way on how to eat a doughnut. A doughnut...
Proctor : [enters the classroom] Attention!
[the cadets stand up at attention]
Proctor : Captain Harris?
[Capt. Harris enters wearing a medical device with his hands suspended in the air not long after Zed switched Harris' Right Guard deodorant spray with a can of Mace, which the latter burned Harris' armpits]
Captain Harris : [to the cadets] From this moment on, anyone who misplaces their canister of Mace will reprimanded and fined. Is that clear?
Cadets : [in unison] YES, SIR!
[Harris and Proctor leaves]
Zed : Bye.