Bert Remsen: Grampa
[Grampa sits down to watch Medusa on TV]
Grampa Putterman : I've said it before and I'll say it again, war stories and monster movies are educational. They're survival-oriented. They always neutralize the enemy in the end.
[Grampa see's the Putterman's new satellite dish]
Grampa Putterman : Intellectual decay! Turn it off, it'll rot your brain cells! It's an international conspiracy!
[Raquel welcomes her father over]
Raquel Putterman : Hi, dad. How was downtown today?
Grampa Putterman : Downtown phooey! I'm sick of downtown. Used to be the place to go... talk to people, disseminate your literature. Feel like you were doin' some good in the world. Now it's just bums and weirdos and kooks coming out of the woodwork. Getting so decent folk won't even stop and talk.
[the Putterman's see Medusa for the first time on their new satellite TV]
Medusa : Hello, bloodsuckers. Ready to be turned to stone?
Grampa Putterman : Would you look at those hooters!
Stanley Putterman : Holy tomato!
Sherman Putterman : Let's watch her tonight, okay, Grampa? All the way to midnight.
Grampa Putterman : Hell yeah, we'll watch her!
[O.D. sees Grampa eating on the couch]
O.D. : Hey, old dude. Whatcha eatin', man?
Grampa Putterman : Lizard tail jerky. Wanna stick?
O.D. : No thanks, man. I just pigged out.
Grampa Putterman : Amazing creature, the lizard. Ya eat the tail, it don't give a hoot. Just grows another one. And ya eat it, too.
Grampa Putterman : [Grampa giggles while taking another bite] It's mighty darn tasty!
[Sherman and Grampa see the alien monster for the first time in the TV]
Sherman Putterman : Hey, this looks like a cool movie.
Grampa Putterman : Hey, he's a gross-lookin' booger, ain't he? I'd nuke that sucker!
Grampa Putterman : [the alien monster remains still making growling sounds] Well, do something, you ugly bastard!
Sherman Putterman : Man, this is the dumbest movie I ever saw.
[Grampa and Sherman wait for the alien monster to attack]
Grampa Putterman : [fully armed] Remember boy, best way to stop the enemy... brain shot!
[Sherman gathers the explosives from Grampa's bomb shelter]
Grampa Putterman : [voice-over] Remember what I told you about explosives, boy. Blow your dang balls off!
[Suzy and Sherman ask the alien Putterman parents if they've seen Grampa]
Suzy Putterman : Have any of you seen Gramps?
Grampa Putterman : [the alien Gramps head pops up from the bed] Right here, honeybee. Just takin' care of business.
Suzy Putterman : Oh, Gramps, that is totally sicko!
Sherman Putterman : [Suzy closes the bedroom door] I thought it was a monster.
Suzy Putterman : That's okay, Sherman. Some day you'll understand.