Johnny Dangerously (1984)
Michael Keaton: Johnny Kelly, Johnny Dangerously
Lil : Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?
Polly the parrot : Got it.
Polly the parrot : [arrives at prison mess hall and lands on the shoulder of a prisoner] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner : [to the next prisoner sitting next to him] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner : [to the next prisoner, "telephone" style] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner : [to the next prisoner] Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner : [to the next prisoner]
Prisoner : ... at the Savoy. Pass it on.
Prisoner : There's a message through the grapevine, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously : Yeah? What is it?
Prisoner : Johnny and the Mothers are playing "Stompin' at the Savoy" in Vermont tonight.
Johnny Dangerously : Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight.
Prisoner : I didn't say that.
Johnny Dangerously : No, but I know this grapevine.
Warden : Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.
Charley : [pretending to be a priest] Are you ready, my son?
Johnny Dangerously : I'm ready if you are, father.
Charley : Dominus vobiscum, Nabisco. Espiritu sanctu. They gasthebus.
Prisoner : [hands Johnny a part of a tommy gun] So long, Johnny.
Charley : We gasthebus. You gasthebus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.
Prisoner : [hands Johnny another piece of the gun] Be brave, huh, Johnny.
Charley : When's the next bus?
Johnny Dangerously : [begins putting the gun together behind the wardens back] Always, Nails.
Charley : Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Adeste fidelis.
Prisoner : [gives Johnny another piece] Good luck, Johnny.
Charley : Semper fidelis. High fidelis.
Johnny Dangerously : [struggling to put it together] Why didn't I take shop?
Charley : Post Meridian. Ante Meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little Meridians.
Prisoner : [adds another piece] Bye bye, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously : [adds piece to gun] Bye, Rock.
Charley : The Magna Carta. MasterCharge it.
Prisoner : [hands piece to Johnny] Spit in his eye, Johnny!
Johnny Dangerously : [finishes putting the gun together] OK, rabbi.
Charley : [opens his bible to reveal the guns clip] Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.
Warden : Any last words, Johnny?
Warden : [turns to see Johnny pointing a tommy gun at him] Well said!
Johnny Dangerously : The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English Language, and anyone who got in his way.
Johnny Dangerously : [admires Lil's figure] You got those. I like those on a woman.
Johnny Dangerously : [narrating in a flashback] Times were good in America. There was plenty of everything: jobs, security, laughs. America was in great shape, except for the President, William Howard Taft. Was HE a porker. At 310 lbs. he weighed as much as Teddy Roosevelt and half of William McKinley. Immigrants poured into the country from all over the world looking for a better life for their children. And over 97% of them settled into a two-block area of New York City.
Johnny Dangerously : Commissioner, there's all the evidence against me, just like I promised you. Use it. I'm ready to pay my debt.
[No response from Commissioner]
Johnny Dangerously : Hey, how about a thank you?
[Johnny notices that the Commissioner is dead]
Johnny Dangerously : Hey, how about me getting out of here?
[Johnny turns to leave but is hit on the head]
Johnny Dangerously : Hey, how about me getting knocked out?
Chorus Girl : I'm not wearing a bra, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously : Yeah? Well that makes two of us.
Johnny Dangerously : Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.