Johnny Dangerously (1984) Poster

Michael Keaton: Johnny Kelly, Johnny Dangerously



  • Lil : Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?

    Polly the parrot : Got it.

    [flies away] 

    Polly the parrot : [arrives at prison mess hall and lands on the shoulder of a prisoner]  Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.

    Prisoner : [to the next prisoner sitting next to him]  Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.

    Prisoner : [to the next prisoner, "telephone" style]  Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.

    Prisoner : [to the next prisoner]  Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.

    Prisoner : [to the next prisoner] 


    Prisoner : ... at the Savoy. Pass it on.

    Prisoner : There's a message through the grapevine, Johnny.

    Johnny Dangerously : Yeah? What is it?

    Prisoner : Johnny and the Mothers are playing "Stompin' at the Savoy" in Vermont tonight.

    Johnny Dangerously : Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight.

    Prisoner : I didn't say that.

    Johnny Dangerously : No, but I know this grapevine.

  • Warden : Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.

    Charley : [pretending to be a priest]  Are you ready, my son?

    Johnny Dangerously : I'm ready if you are, father.

    Charley : Dominus vobiscum, Nabisco. Espiritu sanctu. They gasthebus.

    Prisoner : [hands Johnny a part of a tommy gun]  So long, Johnny.

    Charley : We gasthebus. You gasthebus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.

    Prisoner : [hands Johnny another piece of the gun]  Be brave, huh, Johnny.

    Charley : When's the next bus?

    Johnny Dangerously : [begins putting the gun together behind the wardens back]  Always, Nails.

    Charley : Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Adeste fidelis.

    Prisoner : [gives Johnny another piece]  Good luck, Johnny.

    Charley : Semper fidelis. High fidelis.

    Johnny Dangerously : [struggling to put it together]  Why didn't I take shop?

    Charley : Post Meridian. Ante Meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little Meridians.

    Prisoner : [adds another piece]  Bye bye, Johnny.

    Johnny Dangerously : [adds piece to gun]  Bye, Rock.

    Charley : The Magna Carta. MasterCharge it.

    Prisoner : [hands piece to Johnny]  Spit in his eye, Johnny!

    Johnny Dangerously : [finishes putting the gun together]  OK, rabbi.

    Charley : [opens his bible to reveal the guns clip]  Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.

    Warden : Any last words, Johnny?

    [gun cocks] 

    Warden : [turns to see Johnny pointing a tommy gun at him]  Well said!

  • Johnny Dangerously : The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English Language, and anyone who got in his way.

  • Johnny Dangerously : The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously.

    Lil : Did you know your last name is an adverb?

  • Johnny Dangerously : [admires Lil's figure]  You got those. I like those on a woman.

  • Tommy Kelly : You were gonna take a bullet for me.

    Johnny Kelly : Actually, I was just counting on a lot of missing.

  • Johnny Dangerously : I never should have picked a name like that. A name like that you gotta live up to. What's your last name?

    Hood : Binzerhoff.

    Johnny Dangerously : Binzerhoff? Perfect. Keep that name and you'll stay out of trouble.

  • Lil : So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago.

    Johnny Dangerously : Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York.

    Lil : You're kidding.


    Lil : Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same.

  • Johnny Dangerously : [narrating in a flashback]  Times were good in America. There was plenty of everything: jobs, security, laughs. America was in great shape, except for the President, William Howard Taft. Was HE a porker. At 310 lbs. he weighed as much as Teddy Roosevelt and half of William McKinley. Immigrants poured into the country from all over the world looking for a better life for their children. And over 97% of them settled into a two-block area of New York City.

  • Johnny Dangerously : Commissioner, there's all the evidence against me, just like I promised you. Use it. I'm ready to pay my debt.

    [No response from Commissioner] 

    Johnny Dangerously : Hey, how about a thank you?

    [Johnny notices that the Commissioner is dead] 

    Johnny Dangerously : Hey, how about me getting out of here?

    [Johnny turns to leave but is hit on the head] 

    Johnny Dangerously : Hey, how about me getting knocked out?

    [He falls] 

  • Danny Vermin : I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things.

    Johnny Dangerously : You know, Danny, I think you get too much sugar in your diet.

  • Johnny Dangerously : Alright here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.

    Member of Dundee's gang : Le-what?

    Johnny Dangerously : Legit.

    Charley : Le-why?

    Danny Vermin : I'll tell you le-why. Because Johnny Dangerously is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the D.A., Tommy Kelly.

  • Johnny Kelly : Hi Dr. Magnus. How's my mother?

    Dr. Magnus : It's her thyroid, Johnny.

    Johnny Kelly : What's wrong with it?

    Dr. Magnus : We can't find it. Gonna have to do a thyroid search.

    Johnny Kelly : How much is that gonna cost?

    Dr. Magnus : You're in luck. This week a special. $999 dollars.

  • Chorus Girl : I'm not wearing a bra, Johnny.

    Johnny Dangerously : Yeah? Well that makes two of us.

  • Johnny Dangerously : [after bathroom has exploded]  Take it easy!

    Jocko Dundee : Take it easy? I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

  • Johnny Dangerously : Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.

  • Johnny Kelly : Say kid, what do they call you?

    Lil : Impressive.

  • [Johnny sees a steaming pot on the stove] 

    Johnny Dangerously : Whatcha cookin' here ma?

    Ma Kelly : Beer.

    Johnny Dangerously : With noodles! Great idea!

  • Johnny Dangerously : Ma, you got to take better care of yourself. I don't want you living like this. I don't want you doing other people's laundry.

    Ma Kelly : What are you saying? Give up me career?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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