The Hobbit (1977 TV Movie)
Orson Bean: Bilbo Baggins
Smaug : Be done with your riddles. What else brought you, lake man?
Bilbo Baggins : Revenge!
Smaug : Revenge?
Bilbo Baggins : Surely you must realize that your success has made you some bitter enemies.
Smaug : [evil chuckling] Revenge? You? HA! I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG! My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth are like swords! My claws, spears! The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath... DEATH! Well? Where are your riddles now?
Bilbo Baggins : I'm Mr. Bilbo Baggins, I've lost my dwarves, my wizard and my way.
Gandalf the Grey : [Bilbo and Gandalf enter Thorin's tent. Thorin lies dying] I have brought him.
Thorin : Farewell. good thief. I wish to part in friendship, and would take back my words at the gate.
Bilbo Baggins : There were many words I would take back, also.
Thorin : And does it take this to make us to see each other?
Bilbo Baggins : Thorin...
Thorin : Hush. You are no coward, my friend. I am sorry I so named you.
Bilbo Baggins : This is not important...
Thorin : I was wrong. You did understand war. It was I who did not... until now.
Bilbo Baggins : Farewell, King Under the Mountain.
Thorin : Child of the kindly West, I have come to know, if more of us valued your ways - food and cheer above hoarded gold - it would be a merrier world. But sad or merry, I must leave it now. Farewell.
Bilbo Baggins : [crying] Farewell, Thorin.
[as the Battle of Three - ultimately Five - Armies opens, the Men and Elves and Dwarves charge each other... all from different angles]
Men : Scurvy dwarves! Thieving dwarves! Kill them!
Elves : Kill the dwarves! Chop them up! Take their heads!
Dwarves : Kill the men! Kill the elves! Save the gold for ourselves!
Bilbo Baggins : [bringing up the dwarves' rear] Personally, I'd rather be back in Hobbitton.
[as Bilbo and the dwarves are getting ready for the Battle of Three - ultimately Five - Armies, "Mister Baggins" complains about his ill-fitting war-gear]
Bilbo Baggins : This is deucedly uncomfortable. I'm certain to get a rash!
Thorin : That armor was forged in the foundaries of my grandfather. Wear it proudly, and it will carry you to victory!
Bilbo Baggins : Confusticate and be-bother victory! I hope only to be taken prisoner as quickly as possible!
Thorin : Those are the words of a COWARD!
Bilbo Baggins : The coward who flushed out Smaug? The coward who saved you time and time again? The coward who always went forward while you cringed behind?
Thorin : You don't see us cringing NOW, do you?
Bilbo Baggins : This is MADNESS! Fourteen against ten thousand, and yet you march off to certain destruction as merrily as if you were on your way to another tea party!
Thorin : Your kind will never understand war, hobbit. This is WAR!
[Bilbo has entered the Lonely Mountain, which once housed a kingdom of dwarves, but which is now Smaug's lair - Smaug is sleeping on a hill of gems and other riches, but wakes up when Bilbo reaches the heart of the mountain]
Smaug : Well, thief? I smell you, I feel your air - and I hear your breath. Come along! Help yourself; there's plenty, AND to spare.
Bilbo Baggins : [who is invisible] Oh... thank you, Smaug the Magnificent! I did not come for wealth. I wish only to have a look at you, and see if you are truly as great as tales say; I did not believe them!
Smaug : [flattered] ... Do you now?
Bilbo Baggins : They fall utterly short of reality, King SMAUG Under the Mountain!
Smaug : Hmmm... You have nice manners for a thief - and a LIAR.
Bilbo Baggins : The Eagles! The Eagles are coming!
Gandalf the Grey : Surely you don't disbelieve the prophecies because you helped bring them about? You don't really suppose, do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck, just for your sole benefit? You're a very fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I'm very fond of you, but you're only quite a little fellow in a wide world, after all.
Bilbo Baggins : Thank goodness!
[as the Goblins arrive]
Thorin : Oh great Elf King, my truest friend and ally, we must join our forces against this common scourge!
Elvenking : But of course, oh noble King Under the Mountain. Your people are like brothers unto mine.
Bard : And my men and all their weapons are as one with yours! Together we will vanquish the fell foe...
Everyone : TOGETHER!
Bilbo Baggins : Thorin is correct, I simply do not understand war...
Bilbo Baggins : No hat, no stick, no pipe, not even a pocket handkerchief. How can one survive?
Gandalf the Grey : This is a map of Lonely Mountain, presented to me 100 years ago by your father.
Thorin : Why wasn't it given to me, the rightful heir?
Gandalf the Grey : I have chosen my own time to give it to you.
Bilbo Baggins : Oh, I do love maps! I have quite a collection of them.
Thorin : Bah! I remember the mountain well enough without it.
Gandalf the Grey : Indeed. And how do you intend to enter Smaug's chambers? Through the front gate? As a houseguest? You would be ashes before you took your seventh step.
Bilbo Baggins : Oh, stop complaining! I never promised to burgle you first class accommodations.
Gollum : My precious. It is my precious. Hello, my precious. Bless us and splash us. Food for my precious.
[Bilbo in the background is heard]
Gollum : Eggs and bacon. Spoons all polished. Warm muffins and sweet butter. GOLLUM: What is that noise, my precious? My precious does not know.
Bilbo Baggins : [Bilbo see a shiny gold ring in the dirt] Bless my soul! Hello! What's this? Nice souvenir to show the neighbors back home. If I ever get home.
Bilbo Baggins : Who are you?
Gollum : Bless us, my precious. A tasty morsel it would make us. What is it, my precious?
Bilbo Baggins : I am Mr. Bilbo Baggins. I've lost my dwarves, my wizard and my way.
[Gollum moves closer]
Bilbo Baggins : Mind you, I'm armed with an elvish blade! That's better. Perhaps you know the way out?
Gollum : But perhaps we sits here... and chats with it a bitsy, my precious? It... likes... riddles?
Bilbo Baggins : Do I like riddles? Well, yes, after a fashion.
Gollum : It must have a competition with us. If precious asks and it doesn't answer... we eats it, my precious.
Bilbo Baggins : Oh, I say!
Gollum : But if it asks us... and we doesn't answer... then we... shows it... the way out!
Bilbo Baggins : It seems I have no choice.
Gollum : My precious... we makes the first riddle. Voiceless, it cries. Wingless, flutters. Toothless, bites. Mouthless, mutters. Can it... guess... the answer?
Bilbo Baggins : Half a moment.
Gollum : Is it nice, my precious? Is it juicy? Gooey? Yucky? Is it scrumptious?
Bilbo Baggins : If you please! Wind! Wind is the answer. Now, my turn. A box without hinges, key or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid
Gollum : Let us give us a chance, my precious. Eggs! Eggs, it is!
Bilbo Baggins : Oh, bother!
Gollum : Us now! Now us, my precious.
Bilbo Baggins : I'm a quiver with anticipation!
Gollum : Now... This thing, alls things devours. Birds, beasts, trees, flowers. Gnaws iron, bites steel. Grinds hard stones to meal. Slays king, ruins town And beats high mountain down
Bilbo Baggins : Well, interesting. Yes, now, let me see.
Gollum : What does it answer? What does it answer?
Bilbo Baggins : Just a moment now!
Gollum : My precious... will it taste delicious? It will!
Bilbo Baggins : Give me some time.
Gollum : What? What does it say?
Bilbo Baggins : I said time! Time! Whatever is the matter?
Gollum : It guess! Time is the answer!
Bilbo Baggins : It is? I knew it all along. That's an old one. Well, fun's fun. Now, couldn't we get out of here?
Gollum : It's got to ask us another riddle, my precious!
Bilbo Baggins : Blast, I can't think of another one.
Gollum : Ask! Ask!
Bilbo Baggins : Oh, very well. What have I got in my pocket?
Gollum : Not fair! Not fair to ask my precious... what it's got in its nasty... little pocketeses!
Bilbo Baggins : I'm sorry. That's my riddle. And if you can't guess it, you lose and show me out!
Gollum : My precious loses! But first... my precious shows it... his something pretty.
Bilbo Baggins : You wish to show me something
Gollum : My birthday present.
Bilbo Baggins : Wait! Where are you going?
Gollum : My precious finds a ring... on his birthday... long ago. A golden ring. A magic ring! We must get my precious' birthday present from its hiding place.
Bilbo Baggins : Now what? He'll never guess my pocket contained this.
[Bilbo puts the ring on and turns invisible]
Bilbo Baggins : Bless my soul!
Gollum : [Gollum can not find the Ring] The ring? Most definitely. My precious will find it! Will find it! The Baggins. My precious will crush it... and smash it!
Bilbo Baggins : [Sheathes his sword so Gollum won't see the light] Better douse this.
Gollum : Where is it? Where is it? It is tricksy. It says it doesn't know the way out... but it knows the way in, my precious. It must... know a way out! It's off for the back door. My precious must make haste to the back door. To the back door!
Bilbo Baggins : How convenient. Well, follow the leader.
Gollum : It's not here, my precious. It's make an escape!
Bilbo Baggins : [Jumps over Gollum to freedom] Ta-ta!
Gollum : Thief! Thief! Baggins! We hates it! Hates it forever!
Bilbo Baggins : Gollum thought I knew the way out and was trying to head me off. I merely followed him to the exit.
Gandalf the Grey : Bilbo Baggins?
Bilbo Baggins : Uh, yes.
Gandalf the Grey : I am looking to hire a burglar.
Bilbo Baggins : Burglar. I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place.
Gandalf the Grey : You mean you do not wish to share a grand adventure?
Bilbo Baggins : Dear me, no. We, Hobbits, are plain quiet folk. Adventures make one late for dinner
Gandalf the Grey : [Lighting and thunder strikes] Enough. I am Gandalf. And Gandalf means ME.
Bilbo Baggins : Bother burglary and everything to do with it!