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The Last House on the Left (1972) Poster

Quotes

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Estelle Collingwood: Mari tells me you're from Manhattan. What does your father do?

Phyllis Stone: Oh, my parents are in the iron and steal business.

Estelle Collingwood: Iron and steel both together? How unusual.

Phyllis Stone: Well, my mother irons and my father steals.

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Mari: Junior, do you have a girlfriend?

Junior Stillo: Oh, yeah. I got lots of girlfriends just waiting to get me!

Mari: I don't think you do.

Junior Stillo: Well, you're right.

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Fred "Weasel" Podowski: How'd we get into the sex-crime business anyway? My brother Saul, a plumber, makes twice as much money as I do and gets three weeks vacation, too.

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Mari: The leaves are really beautiful.

Phyllis Stone: Yup, they're really starting to change. I guess winter's comin' on!

Mari: Yup, Hey, I changed this winter!

Phyllis Stone: What do you mean, you changed?

Mari: I mean, my breasts filled out!

[Phyllis laughs]

Mari: I mean, they were nothing last summer!

Phyllis Stone: I didn't know you last summer!

Mari: Well, they have!

Phyllis Stone: Well, congratulations!

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Krug Stillo: Listen to daddy. I want you to take the gun, and I want you to put it in your mouth, and I want you to turn around and blow your brains out. Blow your brains out. BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!

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Fred "Weasel" Podowski: [tired, while chasing Phyllis] Oh, man. I gotta give up cigarettes!

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Estelle Collingwood: Are you folks on vacation?

Krug Stillo: No, we're sort of, um, on a business trip.

Dr. John Collingwood: Well what sort of business are you in?

Fred "Weasel" Podowski: Plumbing.

Krug Stillo: Insurance.

Estelle Collingwood: Well, which is it?

Sadie: You see, we're actually in both. We sell insurance to plumbing companies. You know, in case they steal some toilets or something.

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Krug Stillo: We don't wanna off someone first night out. I mean, it'd be a shame to get this floor all messed up with blood.

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Fred "Weasel" Podowski: I wonder what the meanest, foulest, rottenest, woodsiest sex crime ever was? Hey, Krug, what do you think the sex crime of the century was?

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Estelle Collingwood: I think it's crazy.

Mari: What's crazy?

Estelle Collingwood: All that blood and violence. I thought you were supposed to be the love generation.

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Krug Stillo: Goddamn high-class, tight-ass freakos. All that goddamn silverware. Who do they think they are, anyway? People in China eat with sticks, and these freaks got 16 utensils for every pea on the plate.

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Sheriff: [trying to sound professional] We have the law on our side, Ada.

Ada: Yeah, but I have the chickens AND the truck!

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Phyllis Stone: You stupid dyke!

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Junior Stillo: If I was a frog, I'd have my own lily pad. I could sit there all day long, just 'Ribbit Ribbit'. I could do that man and nobody would bother me.

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[Krug is trying to get his girlfriend to have sex with him]

Krug Stillo: Why don't you lay back and enjoy being inferior?

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Krug Stillo: Piss your pants!

Phyllis Stone: What?

Krug Stillo: I said, "Piss your pants!"

Phyllis Stone: You sick mother!

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Krug Stillo: You must think we're stupid, right? No, we're not stupid. We might be horny old pigs, but we ain't stupid.

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Newscaster: The daring daylight escape of the two convicted murderers, dope-pushers, and rapists cost the lives of two prison guards, and surprisingly, the life of a German Shepard. According to eye-witness reports, the animal, which was set after the two fleeing men, was kicked to death by a young animal-like woman who leaped from the get-away car. The alleged driver of the car was Junior Stillo. Junior Stillo is the illegitimate son of the leader of the two escapees, Krug Stillo, who was serving a life sentence for the 1966 triple-slaying of a priest and two nuns. Krug Stillo is reputed to have hooked his own son on heroin to control the youngster's life. The man is armed, and considered extremely dangerous. The second escaped convict is identified as Fred Weasel Podowski, who has a long police record for child molesting, peeping tom-ism, and assault with a deadly weapon. The three men were accompanied in their getaway by an unknown woman, who's described only as young, strong, and animal-like. Police believe the four may still be in the New York City area, but expect them to try to leave the state in the next 48 hours.

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Sadie: Being in this house makes me wish I was a lady!

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Fred "Weasel" Podowski: Look at this.

Krug Stillo: What?

Fred "Weasel" Podowski: [showing pictures of Mari] Guess who lives here?

Krug Stillo: Huh, I wonder what the odds are on that?

Fred "Weasel" Podowski: Couldn't even tell you.

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Fred "Weasel" Podowski: [to Estelle] I could make love to a looker like you with my hands tied behind my back.

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Estelle Collingwood: If God had meant women to go around with their busts exposed, Mari Collingwood, he wouldn't have given us clothes!

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Dr. John Collingwood: You call the repair service?

Estelle Collingwood: Mmhmmm.

Dr. John Collingwood: Well did you tell them I was a physician and had to have a phone?

Estelle Collingwood: No, actually I told them you were an international bookie, and I was ten-months pregnant with quintuplets!

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Dr. John Collingwood: [looking at Mari's shirt] Hey, no bra?

Mari: Of course not! Nobody wears those anymore!

Estelle Collingwood: Nobody except us drill sergeants.

Dr. John Collingwood: Yeah, but look, Estelle. You can see her nipples as plain as day!

Mari: Daddy, don't be so clinical!

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Deputy: Listen.

Sheriff: What?

Deputy: I hear something.

Sheriff: All I hear is you, you damn fool.

Deputy: Shhh!

[Deputy puts his head down on the road]

Sheriff: Who the hell do you think you are, Tonto?

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Krug Stillo: Mari, she was a lot tougher than you, doc. She took a while to kill. She was really tough. We had a hard time with her, but you're just a pussy!

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Krug Stillo: Leave Sadie alone, you little toad, or I'll bust your butt with a lily pad.

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Fred "Weasel" Podowski: How's your back, baby?

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[first lines]

Postman: [to dog] Hello, Cassie! Hiya, girl! Hello, there! Now, let's see.

[looks through mail]

Postman: Ah, it looks like Mari's getting cards from half the civilized world. Mari Collingwood. Mari Collingwood. Mari Collingwood. You'd think she's the only kid to reach the age of 17. Of course she is probably the prettiest piece I've ever seen.

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Estelle Collingwood: Mari, would you hurry up?

Mari: [in shower] Okay okay. Drill sergeant.

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Sheriff: How'd you like me to put my boot up your ass... sideways?

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Krug Stillo: Are you sure we're not going to put you folks to any trouble?

Dr. John Collingwood: Oh, nonsense! Our home is yours.

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Sadie: I ain't putting out anymore 'til I get a couple more chicks around here.

Krug Stillo: Couple more chicks?

Sadie: Yeah, equal representation.

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Krug Stillo: You want some grass? What do you want with some grass, huh?

Fred "Weasel" Podowski: Hey, you guys ain't cows is ya? Little cows, looking for some grass, huh? Let me hear you moo. C'mon, c'mon. Moo.

Sadie: Yeah, and they got them cute little udders on them.

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Phyllis Stone: hey listin im really cold would it be all right if i just put on my clothes just till krug comes back? cause im really cold

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Junior Stillo: make them make it with each other man!

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Phyllis Stone: look i know this is sick but its ok theres just you and me here theres nooone else.

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