All in the Family (TV Series 1971–1979) Poster


Rob Reiner: Michael 'Meathead' Stivic



  • Mike Stivic : In today's society, people throw things out because they don't work.

    Archie Bunker : Well you don't work, maybe we should throw you out.

  • Mike Stivic : Why couldn't they say "Buddha, bless you" in Chinese?

    Archie Bunker : Because they don't say that, that's why. If they say... Well, if they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara".

    Mike Stivic : That's Japanese.

    Archie Bunker : Same thing.

    Mike Stivic : It's not the same thing!

    Archie Bunker : What are you talking about? You put a Jap and a Chink together, you gonna tell me which is which?

    Mike Stivic : That's right, because I find out about them. I talk to them as individuals.

    Archie Bunker : Sure you talk to them. You say, "Which one of you guys is the Chink?"

    Mike Stivic : [yells]  I don't believe this. He's making me crazy!

  • Mike Stivic : We're going to see something you know nothing about: culture.

    [Shows him the art exhibit book] 

    Archie Bunker : Oh ho ho, look at this. No wonder he's getting himself so excited, it's one of his own here: A Polack art exhibit.

    Mike Stivic : That's 'Pollock'. Jackson Pollock. He happens to be a great American artist.

    Archie Bunker : Well he sure paints Polish. Look at this: he splashes and smears the paint over everything here. What do you mean? A monkey could do that. A great American artist? There ain't a tree or a flag or a president in the whole damn book.

    Mike Stivic : I'd explain it to you, Arch, but first you'd have to move your brain ahead two centuries.

    Archie Bunker : Why don't you go take a short walk on a long pier?

    Mike Stivic : Ha, you can't even get that right! It's take a long walk off a short pier.

    Archie Bunker : Then do that.

  • Archie : Where's my grandson?

    Mike Stivic : He's asleep.

    Archie : Well wake him up.

    Mike Stivic : He's tired.

    Archie : But every time I come over here the kid is either in bed, in the bath tub or on the pot.

  • Mike Stivic : I just thank God I'm an atheist.

  • Mike Stivic : What were you saying about colored families having no love?

    Archie Bunker : Why is it you can remember everything except how to work?

  • Mike Stivic : That's what's wrong with this country; nobody asks questions any more!

    Archie Bunker : Can I ask *you* a question?

    Mike Stivic : Sure.

    Archie Bunker : Why don't you shut up?

  • Mike Stivic : You know, you are totally incomprehensible.

    Archie Bunker : Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense.

  • Edith Bunker : What are you fighting about?

    Mike Stivic : The Star-Spangled Banner.

    Edith Bunker : Did the singer forget the words again?

  • Mike Stivic : Archie, if there *is* a God, how come there's so much unhappiness in the world?

    Archie Bunker : If there is a God how come there's so much unhappiness in the world? Uh... uh... hey, Edith... If there *is* a God, how come there's so much unhappiness in the world?

  • Mike Stivic : You eat my heart out. Little by little, bit by bit, you eat my heart out.

    Archie Bunker : I don't care.

  • Mike Stivic : I'll drive a truck, pump gas, collect garbage.

    Archie : Bingo. Start collecting the garbage off of the table.

  • Mike Stivic : You can't do that, Archie! That's largesse!

    Archie Bunker : I don't care if it's largesse, smallesse or any kind of esse!

  • Edith : Why don't you go out and finish dinner.

    Mike Stivic : Nah, I ain't hungry.

    Edith : Ya can't depend on nothing no more.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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