Green Acres (TV Series 1965–1971) Poster


Eddie Albert: Oliver Wendell Douglas, Calvin Whittaker, Charlie Foster, Cornelius Reinholt, Gus Thompson, Harry Wright, Horace Hooter, Jethro Bodine, Oliver's father



  • Lisa Douglas : When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor.

    Oliver Douglas : Who?

  • Oliver Douglas : But he couldn't be dead.

    Fred Ziffel : Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral.

    Oliver Douglas : Are you sure?

    Fred Ziffel : I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one.

  • Oliver Wendell Douglass : [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold]  How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying!

    Lisa Douglas : That's because you don't LISTEN!

  • Eustace Charleton Haney : [after learning Oliver and Lisa are going to be out of town for a few days]  While yer away on yer trip, I thought you might like to avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service.

    Oliver Wendell Douglass : HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE?

    Eustace Charleton Haney : Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door.

  • Eustace Charleton Haney : [trying to hawk some worthless ceramic figurines off and claiming they're valuable]  These are gen-yew-wine Siamese Catfish.

    Oliver Wendell Douglass : SIAMESE CATFISH?

    Eustace Charleton Haney : Well, they're still in the pussy stage.

  • TV Kiddie Show Host : Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize!

    Oliver Douglas : No, you don't understand, Arnold is a REAL PIG!

    TV Kiddie Show Host : I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself!

  • Lisa Douglas : Why do you want to irritate your corn?

    Oliver Douglas : Irrigate. It means put water on it.

    Lisa Douglas : Won't that irritate it?

  • Oliver Douglas : You mallet head!

  • Sam Drucker : How 'bout a dehydrated chicken?

    Oliver Douglas : A dehydrated chicken?

    Sam Drucker : Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken.

    Oliver Douglas : That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

  • [the Douglases are looking for clothes to donate to a rummage sale] 

    Oliver Douglas : Why don't we give away this one?

    Lisa Douglas : No that's the dress I graduated from high school in.

    Oliver Douglas : How about this one?

    Lisa Douglas : That's the dress I wore the first day of college.

    Oliver Douglas : [holding a black, low-cut dress]  What about this one?

    Lisa Douglas : That's the one I got expelled in.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

Recently Viewed