Top 75 Best Episodes of Married... With Children

by Zabon | created - 20 Jul 2013 | updated - 20 Jul 2013 | Public

These would be my picks for the best episodes of Married... With Children, respectively. They encompass most of the show's primary atmosphere and have a strong storyline attached to the plot. Also, each of these episodes has a nice connective plot point for a finely suited ending theme as opposed to the episodes that end rather random and without much meaning. These are also the funniest episodes for the actual writing, but that's besides the point. I also crafted a list of the episodes that weren't as good, but this list concentrates on those that were quite entertaining.

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1. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (1989)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

After Kelly gets in trouble at school, the only way she can get out of punishment if she joins the school's tap-dance club.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 454

2. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: He Thought He Could (1988)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al discovers a library book that was due in 1957. He must return it to the library and face up to his worst childhood fear: the librarian.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 479

3. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: 976-SHOE (1989)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al decides to open a shoe emergency hot-line with help from Steve in the form of a $50,000 loan. But typically, Al's get-rich-quick scheme backfires when nobody phones in. When Marcy gives ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 464

4. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: At the Zoo (1989)

TV-PG | 22 min | Comedy

Newly unemployed Steve decides he doesn't really want to work, so he fritters away his days with the Bundys, visiting zoos and taking fishing trips. The strain this puts on Steve's ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 359

5. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: For Whom the Bell Tolls (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al gets heated up over the large phone bill and refuses to pay it, which results in the disconnection of the Bundy phone line, making him the target of hostility from Peggy, the kids and ... See full summary »

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 418

6. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: You Better Watch Out (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

The Bundys' Christmas is rudely interrupted when a parachuting mall Santa crash-lands into their backyard, attracting the neighborhood kids.

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 466

7. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Eatin' Out (1989)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

The Bundy's go out to a fancy restaurant to spend a great windfall, an inheritance check for $237 from a late uncle of Peggy's. But it becomes apparent that the fine dinning in public is ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 423

8. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Camping Show (1988)

TV-14 | 23 min | Comedy

Steve, Marcy and the Bundys head out to Steve and Marcy's cabin in the woods, but the merriment is halted by Kelly's PMS. The men leave for a bit to go out fishing, and return to all three ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 421

9. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Nightmare on Al's Street (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

While Steve is out of town for the week on business, Marcy starts having dreams involving a romance-minded Al which turns her dreams into nightmares, and turns off her sexual urges, ... See full summary »

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 466

10. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Razor's Edge (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Steve returns home having grown a beard from a week-long rafting trip. He and Marcy get into a huge argument over his reluctance to shave it off, leading him to move in with the Bundys.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 402

11. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Dance Show (1990)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Peggy goes out dancing with Marcy, and becomes taken with a handsome man-about-town named Andy. At home, however, Al gets confronted by Andy's wife, Pete.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 402

12. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: What Goes Around Came Around (1990)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al is all excited when he's asked to speak at his high school reunion dance at Polk High. At the dance, while Al rambles on and on about the unhappily married man, Peggy finds herself being... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 381

13. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Kelly Bounces Back (1990)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Now an aspiring model, Kelly invents a maneuver called "The Bundy Bounce" for her first audition as spokesperson for the new Allente car. But Bud's big mouth gives the idea to another model... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 416

14. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Egg and I (1992)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Steve returns to try and reclaim his estranged wife unaware that she has remarried to a younger man.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 353

15. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Oldies But Young 'Uns (1991)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al is haunted by a tune on the radio he can hum but not name, and he gets no help from Peggy or the D'Arcy's. Al similarly haunts Kelly's new boyfriend, Vinnie Verducci, the son of his ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 396

16. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Gas Station Show (1992)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

When Al can't pay his bill at the gas station, he is forced to don a uniform, complete with 'Habib' name tag and work at the station. He spends the day being hounded by motorists, as well as Peg and the kids.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 361

17. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Rites of Passage (1992)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

It's Bud's 18th birthday, but everyone still treats him like a little boy. Does he stay at home for his birthday party with a pony and a clown or does Al have something else in mind for his "adult" son?

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 344

18. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Teacher Pets (1992)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Bud's belief that his 40-year-old teacher is romantic interested in him is greeted by laughter from everyone. But another student smells the smoke and wants the fire for herself. Meanwhile,... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 352

19. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Get Outta Dodge (1994)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Bud sends poor Kelly on a wild goose chase to find 'Waldo' so that he can have run of the house making out with a wayward blonde. Meanwhile, with nearly 1 000 000 miles on the family ... See full summary »

Director: Sam W. Orender | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 301

20. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Calendar Girl (1996)

TV-PG | 22 min | Comedy

Al wants to beat the rival shoe shop owner, Babcock, in something and puts his faith in Bud who's in the same entrepreneurial studies class in Trumaine than Little Floyd, Babcock's son. ... See full summary »

Director: Amanda Bearse | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 310

21. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Married... Without Children (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Steve and Marcy decide that once is enough after they volunteer to watch Kelly, Bud, and the family dog Buck, after Al and Peggy go away for the weekend to a seedy motel in Wisconsin where ... See full summary »

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 476

22. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Godfather (1991)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al becomes the boss of the neighborhood after Kelly starts dating an influential city councilman.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 381

23. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Wabbit Season (1990)

TV-PG | 30 min | Comedy

Al decides to grow a vegetable garden, but soon faces off against an all-out war with a rabbit who steals his carrots and other vegetables.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 378

24. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Build a Better Mousetrap (1988)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al's attempts to get rid of a rodent in the Bundy house end badly.

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 404

25. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The D'Arcy Files (1994)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Jefferson reveals his secret past to Marcy when he tells her that he is a ex-CIA spy in a witness relocation program. Meanwhile, Al gets conflicting emotions when he is offered a $50,000 ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 308

26. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: I Can't Believe It's Butter (1995)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

During the Christmas season, Griff becomes quite fond of a phone sex partner named "Butter," whom Al discovers is really Peg's mother.

Director: Sam W. Orender | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 296

27. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Cheese, Cues, and Blood (1991)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Kelly earns a quick $1,000 at hustling pool to buy a gown for the local Miss Cheese competition, and a suspicious Al is out for blood, mistakenly thinking that Kelly is into prostitution. ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 325

28. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Poker Game (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al takes Steve one evening to watch a poker game with his poker playing friends. Steve gets the feel of the game and sits in for one of the men, but he ends up losing his paycheck to Al. ... See full summary »

Director: Brian Levant | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 447

29. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: High I.Q. (1992)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

An invitation to join the high intelligence Alpha club, is issued to Kelly and not Bud. When they discover the real reason behind the gathering, Kelly and Bud decide to handle things with ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 341

30. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Buck Can Do It (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al is loath to have Buck the dog neutered despite being threatened with lawsuits from numerous neighbors regarding Buck's "nocturnal carnal activities" resulting in "stupid, ugly puppies" ... See full summary »

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 422

31. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Proposition (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

A rich hot babe from Al's past thinks Al is a disgusting pig. But she likes that in a man. So she offers to buy Al for half a million dollars.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 330

32. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Earth Angel (1987)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

There's a new light in the neighborhood when Bud brings home an attractive, free spirited, 21-year-old artist named Tiffany on her way to art school in New York and everyone likes her, ... See full summary »

Director: Linda Day | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, David Garrison, Amanda Bearse

Votes: 418

33. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: The Wedding Repercussions (1993)

TV-14 | 23 min | Comedy

Bud's cousin gets divorced after finding out that his wife did the deed with Bud just before their wedding. Or rather, he doesn't exactly know it was Bud, but he's determined to find out. ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 326

34. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Wedding Show (1993)

TV-14 | 23 min | Comedy

The Bundys are going to a family wedding for Al's cousin. But Peggy can't decide what to wear, so while she dresses (and redresses) Al waits and daydreams. Meanwhile, Kelly color ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 335

35. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Al on the Rocks (1992)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

When Peggy uses up the monthly mortgage to pay Seven's doctor bill, Al is forced to take a second job bar-tending at a topless bar, but its a male strip club where the bartender and all ... See full summary »

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 308

36. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: You Can't Miss (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

After one too many dateless Saturdays, Bud appears on a new TV dating game show called "You Can't Miss" for the less experienced, but not quite with the expected results. Meanwhile, the low... See full summary »

Director: Amanda Bearse | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 341

37. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Scared Single (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al hires Aaron, a recent Polk high school graduate to work in his shoe store for the summer. Aaron sees Al as a hero and when he announces of his decision to marry, Al takes full advantage ... See full summary »

Director: Sam W. Orender | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 325

38. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Take My Wife, Please (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

On Halloween night, the Grim Reaper (in the form of a dark-haired, pasty-faced Peggy) finally answers Al's inadvertent long cried call for death and won't leave him until one of his family ... See full summary »

Director: Tony Singletary | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 334

39. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Assault and Batteries (1994)

TV-PG | 22 min | Comedy

Al rushes to finish fixing the basement step before his favorite movie, "Hondo" comes on TV. But, in an attempt to get some new batteries for his flashlight, he finds himself locked inside ... See full summary »

Director: Sam W. Orender | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 305

40. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: No Pot to Pease In (1994)

TV-PG | 22 min | Comedy

When Kelly auditions for a part in a Fox network sitcom she happens to mention some stories about her family which the producer likes better then the original script.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 366

41. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Movie Show (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

After Kelly's boyfriend dumps her, Al and the family treat her to the movies where each member has a different agenda.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 395

42. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Nooner or Later (1994)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al shows his new temp Dexter around the shoe store, while Bud and Kelly queues outside for a rock concert, and Peggy, aiming to win a trip to Tahiti, tries to get Al to make a fool of himself over the radio.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 306

43. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Honey, I Blew Up Myself (1994)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

On Al's 45th birthday, Peggy decides to give him a sexy photo of herself to hang in the shoe store. But the photographer decides to hang it in a huge blow up version of the same photo on a ... See full summary »

Director: Sam W. Orender | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 284

44. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Dances with Weezie (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

Al bribes Kelly and Bud into posing as him and Jefferson to accompany Peg and Marcy at The Jeffersons Moving On Up Tour live, while they go to a newly opened sports bar.

Director: Tony Singletary | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 299

45. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Valentine's Day Massacre (1994)

TV-14 | 23 min | Comedy

Al battles other husbands at a store for last-minute Valentine's Day shoppers. Meanwhile, Bud gets physically and sexually abused when trying to find in a hotel his long-lost valentine girl, who is now a famous pop star.

Director: Gerry Cohen | Stars: Ed O'Neill, Katey Sagal, Amanda Bearse, Christina Applegate

Votes: 309

46. Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Episode: Luck of the Bundys (1993)

TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy

8.2